Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Remarriage and OW

Well, I dont know Braveheart.. noone can 'know' what an exH is thinking, from a distance, over the internet!!

I think he has behaved badly though.. Sunsihne, you said he used to flirt with woman in front of you for "the past few years" on another thread (you should stick to one thread!).. so thats not nice is it?

It could be that losing his job and his friend has created a situation where he is depressed. Does he seem it to you? Afterall, you have known him 20 years. You dont post much about the interactions between you, but maybe I have missed those. Sounds like he is being very cruel anyway.. D you so quickly (how did that happen???) and then saying he wants to marry ow. He is making a stand alright.. this is me and this is what I want now. My ex did the same, went through a kind of angry, self-absorbed, I'm just gonna do things for me from now on, stage. He is coming out of that now.. but all along, he WAS friendly and caring toward me, emotional and clearly missed me (continued to contact me, although on his terms, and even now, I dont really know where he lives!!!). So my intuition knew he wasnt done and the feelings were still there, underneath all his acting out.

So.. I ask you, honestly, what does your intuition tell you, does he seem done? Or do you sense doubt in him?

Sunshine, although I haven't read your other threads, I definitely think that losing his job could have thrown him into depression and may have definitely been a trigger for his MLC.

No one can predict whether a WAS will eventually want to return to the M. I certainly don't think this M to OW will last. There are too many things working against it - the age difference, the timeline of everything that's happened. Even if the M doesn't last, it doesn't guarantee that your H will want to reconcile.

My H's OW was about 20 years younger than him. I always knew in my heart that it wouldn't last. During the PA he always maintained contact with me and treated me well. H has stated that he wants to work on our M although there are several obstacles in the way - we're living in opposite ends of the country and I don't think he's completely out of his MLC which really scares me.

Your H is still very much in his fog. You are D. You need to carry on with your life as if he is not coming back.

He's a WAW. No, wait, he's a MLC....

Yikes! I can see why you're so confused, Sunshine. Depression? Maybe. MLC? Not so much.

Regardless, I don't really see how your H has changed at all except for him leaving. I have read all your threads and he seems like he was always an arrogant jerk to you and at work.

As for his new marriage to his new GF, it may last as long as your marriage to him did. I will say though, that if they break up, I bet it will be her dumping him, not the other way around.

Braveheart what do you exactly mean when you say "walked off and never looked back", because when he first left, he cried like he wasnt for sure. During the few days after he would say things like, "if I do come home, there is going to be some changes", and "just let me go throught whatever I am going through and you take care of the house in case we work this out". I believe he said this becuase he didnt know how long he was gonna be gone or if he would want to come back. Just my opinion.
We also were intimate for weeks after, he initiated a couple times, but it was mostly me. He would NEVER ask me to come over but wanted me to. He didnt want to lead me on. (He said this alot).
When we argued he would always threaten me with "I am NEVER coming home now". He held this over my head a few times.
He even brought me supper once. He was nice to me and we got along ok up until I messed things up. I acted out VERY BADLY. I would show up at his house unexpected sometimes and demand he let me in. I would offer him sex or anything just to get to spend time with him. I was DESPERATE. That is before I found this site.
We still talked some and he even said he wanted to speak with me at least every two weeks UNTIL he met this girl and now he says we will never be friends. He started saying he could never forgive me what how I acted.

Renee, you were Separated on 9-08, he filed 11-08, and it was final 12-08. That is walking away and never looking back love. You were divorced in December and he announces he is getting re-married in April. I really don't know how much faster you can run away than that!

Sunshine,

Now that you are D you have to stop analyzing everything H did or said. You have to let go. Go out and live your own life without him. Be cordial and polite when you do have contact with him but detach completely for your own sake.
There's always a chance he may change his mind one day but you must now move on.

Renee,
Your xh would have promised you the moon to get you off his back. They all do this...they lie, they tell us what "we" want to hear and then do the opposite. It's the script. You are holding on to a conversation that is in the past and may not happen again. You need to concentrate on the here and now and come to understand that he doesn't want to communicate w/you, nor have you in his life in any way, shape or form. He's involved w/another woman and quite frankly, right now, the age doesn't matter to him, as he's being stroked and admired by someone younger who is looking up to him and doesn't know his life's history. She is only seeing the new him, not the him you know.

Renee, find a way to let that conversation go. It's in the past and start trying to live your life in the present. There's nothing you can do to change his mind about his situation nor the way he's looking at you at this time. There is no guarantee that the marriage to this young lady will last or be destroyed and you can't gamble on it not lasting....it could very well be one of the few that survives the rebound, but we do not know this. I know it's difficult to let the past go, but you've got to do so in order to live in the present and yes, plan for your future.

Who knows what may transpire in the years to come, you and your xh may become friends or be able to be in the same room and have a good conversation about your son. But, that's a long way down the road and something we can only hope for right now.

Renee, this is your life, this is your day...plan something enjoyable to do today.

S
I remember when my H dropped the bomb, we went to a few sessions with a therapist
all I could say was a few months ago, everything was fine
we were together, and M was ok
The mc said that all we have is now..what was doesnt matter anymore
It was a hard thought to grasp
all we have is now
for today
I am D
For today my XH is living with 28yr old OW
He seems content to be with her and continues to ket me go
For today I lat him go too. I have new friends and new activites
I am a good mother and have a great job
My XH and I are friendly at times when needed for the business or kids
all other times, I concentrate on my new life and not X
it takes time 2 years it took me to get here
you will get there too
peace

Ok guys I hear you.
I probably shouldnt have started this thread, because I had a thread already but I wanted LBS that had to deal with ow and kids to come here. It seems it is getting off track, but that is ok. With that said, I do hear you and agree. I am holding on to the past and what he said. I cant believe I am still believing the half of it. It's going on 8 months and I still remember word for word almost. He said over and over that we could always get remarried, yea that was probably to get me off his back. I was just hoping that something he said would be the truth.
If all this is so, why the tears? I dont think they were fake, because he NEVER cries. It takes alot to make him cry.

Guys most of you, it seems, have had communication with your MLC, or WAH/W. I dont get that. That is really what hurts the most. Yes he may NOT love me anymore, yes he may be in love with ow, BUT tell me one thing, how can a man or woman that has lived with someone and cared about them at one time suddenly NOT CARE if they have food to eat or running water? That is what blows my mind. Even if he didnt offer any money, he could call and say is everything ok. On top of this, I AM the mother of his child. How can he NOT feel something, not love, just some kinda of feeling for me? Again, I am not saying he has to love me, but at least be human. I wouldnt treat anyone I know like that. Where does this man that once cared about his familys well being go????????? You dont have to be in love with somebody, but you can have some feeling of caring.
I know I shouldnt hold on to anything he says or has said, but there was one time he messed up while talking to me, I was asking him, over the phone, how can you not love me just a little and he said, I do love you, I just get upset with you. The next day or so, he denied saying that to me, he said I misunderstood him and he said he cared about me.

Anyway yes Braveheart he did leave me and yes he wanted a divorce and got one in 2 months time. He said, and I know it dont matter, but he said he wanted a divorce because he didnt feel right dating while still married, then once he said, so he could move on with his life. I found out later that he was seeing a girl and she didnt want to see him and him being married, so I thing he rushed it up quite a bit.
Braveheart why didnt he just immediately divorce me, why did he wait 60 days you suppose? Our son was 18, so he didnt have to wait. He would say everyday, I am filing tomorrow. He said this sooooo much and then he finally did. I do think he thought about it some. I know it doesnt matter.