Renee, Your xh would have promised you the moon to get you off his back. They all do this...they lie, they tell us what "we" want to hear and then do the opposite. It's the script.
Snodderly when you say its script, are you talking about MLC and WAH? or Both. I understand about MLC, I have read sooo much. But I dont fully understand about a WAH/W. Where can I read some on this?
He's involved w/another woman and quite frankly, right now, the age doesn't matter to him, as he's being stroked and admired by someone younger who is looking up to him and doesn't know his life's history. She is only seeing the new him, not the him you know.
Yes she does see the new him. How long does the NEW him last though? Will she ever see the REAL him? Snodderly we live in a small town and alot of people knew me and my xh and alot of them know what has happened, so tonight someone came into work and told me he saw my xh and ow in a store and xh was following her around like a little puppy. That sure ISNT the old him.
Ok guys I hear you. I probably shouldnt have started this thread, because I had a thread already but I wanted LBS that had to deal with ow and kids to come here. It seems it is getting off track, but that is ok. With that said, I do hear you and agree. I am holding on to the past and what he said. I cant believe I am still believing the half of it. It's going on 8 months and I still remember word for word almost. He said over and over that we could always get remarried, yea that was probably to get me off his back. I was just hoping that something he said would be the truth. If all this is so, why the tears? I dont think they were fake, because he NEVER cries. It takes alot to make him cry.
Guys most of you, it seems, have had communication with your MLC, or WAH/W. I dont get that. That is really what hurts the most. Yes he may NOT love me anymore, yes he may be in love with ow, BUT tell me one thing, how can a man or woman that has lived with someone and cared about them at one time suddenly NOT CARE if they have food to eat or running water? That is what blows my mind. Even if he didnt offer any money, he could call and say is everything ok. On top of this, I AM the mother of his child. How can he NOT feel something, not love, just some kinda of feeling for me? Again, I am not saying he has to love me, but at least be human. I wouldnt treat anyone I know like that. Where does this man that once cared about his familys well being go????????? You dont have to be in love with somebody, but you can have some feeling of caring. I know I shouldnt hold on to anything he says or has said, but there was one time he messed up while talking to me, I was asking him, over the phone, how can you not love me just a little and he said, I do love you, I just get upset with you. The next day or so, he denied saying that to me, he said I misunderstood him and he said he cared about me.
Anyway yes Braveheart he did leave me and yes he wanted a divorce and got one in 2 months time. He said, and I know it dont matter, but he said he wanted a divorce because he didnt feel right dating while still married, then once he said, so he could move on with his life. I found out later that he was seeing a girl and she didnt want to see him and him being married, so I thing he rushed it up quite a bit. Braveheart why didnt he just immediately divorce me, why did he wait 60 days you suppose? Our son was 18, so he didnt have to wait. He would say everyday, I am filing tomorrow. He said this sooooo much and then he finally did. I do think he thought about it some. I know it doesnt matter.
I really don't know what else to tell you, I swear I don't! Honey, 60 days to get divorced is awfully fast! You have to do what you think is best, but don't expect anything to change.
Renee, When I refer to the "script", it's what they all say when they walk away from a marriage and/or relationship. It doesn't matter whether it's mlc or waw. I recommended a book to you either on this thread or the other one called "The Script". I would suggest you contact your local library to see if they have the book on hand. The book was shown on Oprah's show a year or so ago and believe me, it fits a large majority of the behaviors that all people who leave a relationship exhibit.
Renee, I think you have an understanding of mlc, but I do not think you fully understand what the crisis is about and how long it takes, etc. I think you need to read more on depression to better understand what the mlc is about.
How long will the ow see the new and improved h? That all depends on him. You do realize that some people can live a lie for a very long time? Some people can change over night and keep the lie going until the day they die. Again, it's all up to your xh as to how long the new and improved him stays in the running.
If you look at various subjects in Michelle's listing of forums, you will see one for walkaways. You may want to go over there and surf for a bit. Also, do a google and see what you find. Check out other boards on the net. I've been a member of at least 4 different boards for a long time. You do not need to stay on just one board...knowledge is power.
Also, you need to take 30 minutes out of your day today and start checking into some professional help. Thirty minutes will not ruin your day and you might be surprised at what you discover when you start making a few phone calls. It's time to start thinking about find help for yourself so that you can see the light of day and come to realize that you are going to be okay whether he comes back or not. This is your time, not his, so pick up that phone and make some calls.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sunshine, there is absolutely no empirical evidence that MLC even exists. I know I'm in the minority here, but I just don't buy it. Clinical Depression, Personality Disorders, PTSD, character flaws, immorality, f'd up core values....yes. That, I believe.
And just because a WAS may have any of these symptoms, it doesn't mean they can be cured or "loved" into coming back. Almost all of them will never come back, psych problems or not. They just want out.
I think that staying here in the MLC forum is keeping you from even beginning to move on. You keep looking for any little sign that this may be "MLC". Why? Just because you think it has a better prognosis for your ex to return?
You keep saying how lonely you are, but it seems that you have a church you enjoy, lots of friends, family, and a job. That is a lot more than a lot of people have right now.
You just miss your ex. Most of us do, and it will take a long time for the pain to dull. The sad thing is that what we wanted back wasn't good for us to begin with. It's just that it was what we were used to. We had messed up relationships. Again, most people do. The D rate is very high, and those numbers are just the ones who actually got out.
It is very rare for anyone to have a "wonderful relationship" these days because we all expect the other to "meet our needs". Wow.
What ever happened to just accepting each other for who we are? That, to me, is the real question.
Sunshine, there is absolutely no empirical evidence that MLC even exists. I know I'm in the minority here, but I just don't buy it. Clinical Depression, Personality Disorders, PTSD, character flaws, immorality, f'd up core values....yes. That, I believe.
And just because a WAS may have any of these symptoms, it doesn't mean they can be cured or "loved" into coming back. Almost all of them will never come back, psych problems or not. They just want out.
I think that staying here in the MLC forum is keeping you from even beginning to move on. You keep looking for any little sign that this may be "MLC". Why? Just because you think it has a better prognosis for your ex to return?
You keep saying how lonely you are, but it seems that you have a church you enjoy, lots of friends, family, and a job. That is a lot more than a lot of people have right now.
You just miss your ex. Most of us do, and it will take a long time for the pain to dull. The sad thing is that what we wanted back wasn't good for us to begin with. It's just that it was what we were used to. We had messed up relationships. Again, most people do. The D rate is very high, and those numbers are just the ones who actually got out.
It is very rare for anyone to have a "wonderful relationship" these days because we all expect the other to "meet our needs". Wow.
What ever happened to just accepting each other for who we are? That, to me, is the real question.
Kimmie Lee, I do believe that is the best post I have ever read on here! You put it all so true! I don't know if there is an MLC or not, I think there is a good chance there is, but I think it stems from another problem, weather it be what you named above or something else. I do believe there is something that makes people want out of a marriage in hopes of finding something better. Problem is, what they end up finding is usually much worse and they end up in another divorce. Does that mean they come running back to the former spouse? I say definately NO! For them to do that, it would mean admiting they were wrong in leaving to begin with, these people are absolutely not going to do that! Trust me on that one! I know there are a few that do, but a very few!
Does that mean they come running back to the former spouse? I say definately NO! For them to do that, it would mean admiting they were wrong in leaving to begin with, these people are absolutely not going to do that! Trust me on that one! I know there are a few that do, but a very few!
There are some WAS that do return and admit they were wrong. My H has been one of those that has admitted he was wrong, said it should never have happened and does want to return to the M, although we haven't reconciled yet because we're still working through issues. Yes there are few that do want to return but none of us can be certain who those few may be. There are definitely examples of couples that have D and then reconciled. How can any of us who only know the sitch over the internet tell another for certain that their spouse will NEVER return?
Sunshine, like I said before you must now move on with your life but miracles can and do happen.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
