I brought up the marriage counseling thing but of course it was during the conversation where i was begging her not to leave so that was competely rejected. Says she has been sticking with it this long because of D but that now she feels that because we are both good parents that she will be fine...
I havent initiated a conversation since sunday, the texting done yesterday was initiated by her (see above post). nothing till this morning she texted good morning, i replied good morning, she tells me she got the tax papers i sent her and that she would send them out today (had to amend taxes due to my side business), I replied ok thanks. Ten Minutes later... "Do i need to send these back to you or the IRS" (she know what to do with them i gave her written instructions on her phone the day i sent them out) So i replied with the instructions. Just the instructions nothing more. she said nothing else so i left it at that.
Today my plan is to finish my workday. Go pick up the D from daycare and start on her playground. Cook my D her favorite dinner (which also happens to be mine lol) and do some reading.
Tomorrow probably much of the same i wont get the playground done in just a couple days (bought a huge one), So ill work on that and then i think ill take D and the dogs to dog park
Great, I think if there is truly noone else, then this is a cry for change. Remember, nice and truly listen to her wants and needs. I think when she comes home she will see a new man in her eyes. What say you?
I say that no matter what im going to be a better man either way. And the hope that im holding onto is that this is a cry for change, otherwise i would be very hopeless she has said that this is it, its over, there is nothing i can do about it now, its too late, and she doesnt care if i say i will change (have said it before during really bad times never did it from her perspective). Says doesnt even have the want to try at all and that im just giving myself false hope. (all this was said during my begging episode sunday). I beleive that she really feels like that right now due to our problems. She is a stubburn woman very full of pride (part of what i like about her) so when she puts her mind to something its hard to change it but im very hopefull. So this is where my fear and anxiety comes from, the fact that i have never heard her speak this seriously about this.
Thank you burt for all your advice i really appreciate it. I will keep listening and following it. I will stay positive and work on ME!
Have the same type of woman, amazing what a blunt blow will do to a man.
Let me know how you are doing for the next couple of days, remember no initiating contact, stay busy, you have stuff to do with your daughter all of the time and when you do not, you are going out to dinner with friends, or to the new museum that just opened up, anyway good luck in this new journey for you.
Finished my work day and picked up D3 from day care spent some time Building her playground, and then made us dinner.
BIL and his wife called me today. They are just as shocked as me. They say W is being typical W they werent happy with her at all about the situation. (which made me feel good). They have always been supportive of our M and they both think very highly of the both of us. but they also know that i have stuck threw with my wife through all of her problems (she has had some serious personal problems not concerning me) and they dont think this is fair to me at all. Just nice to know that her own family is pulling for the ultimate goal.
Got some bad news from them too... They believe that W's father is a big cataylst in this situation. He has always been negitave toward our M and everything we have done espically when we made bigger life decisions (i.e. buying our house, career changes, etc.) He has to be in control of everyones life and unfortunatly W cant tell him that its her life not his...
other than that W did contact me more today but found out they are extending thier training for her new job possibly till Jun. Wasnt hoping they would do that (know this to be true btw have some old supervisors that are there doing the same training that are friends of mine)
Got a couple text from her conversation went as follows:
W: "Might b here till june again. Did u figure out when ur gonna go to florida?" (told her i might head to florida to see some family for a couple of days)
Me: "No i havent yet"
W: "Ok i was just wandering"
W: "How r u and D3"
Me: "We are good"
W: "Will u call me before D goes to sleep somtime to see if she wants to talk please"
Me: "ok"
W: "I'm going to cali this friday for nieces b day, I need to get her that game boy, just so u know"
Me: "ok"
Called her after gave D3 a bath, no answer. So i called about an hour later before D3 bedtime no answer. She then calls back...
I answered, she says "you call?" I say ya you said you wanted to talk to D. D got on the phone said hi mommie, then she is done and shys away from the phone... i get on tell her apperently she is done talking, she says ok, I tell W ok well i talk to you later, she hesitated like she expected me to want to talk to her, she says ok and i tell her bye she returns bye. So whole conversation lasted all of 2 mins...
End of conversations... Hope I handled those better than conversations before.
Anyways felt good to hear her voice... she didnt sound as upset as she has been when we have talked on the phone i expect that she was caught by surprise by my positive attitude.
Should i have stayed on the phone just a little longer to give her the oppurtunity to make small talk? or did i do the right thing by not letting a conversation really start?
So... Father-in-law just called to tell me "he is sorry whats going on and that he loves me"... Total crap i think. Like i said in previous post BIL and wife are pretty sure he is the cataylst in this situation. I too believe that he is. We all know how he is and what he would do.
Anyways so I talk to him and ask him what he thinks of the situation. He says that he thinks she is serious and that he told me she was stubborn when we first got together. then he goes onto say you know maybe she will see it in time just give her space. I tell him that i am and im going to changes things that i feel need to be changed because regardless they make me a better person. That im going move on if thats what it comes to but that i feel bad for my D because she has no choice she cant just move on she has to live with this life we are giving her. He then proceeds to tell me not to give up to make changes and maybe she will see it and that maybe she will come around. (was talking to him in a positive tone)
So i even though i think he is that cataylst behind this at least maybe it will put some doubt in his head about what she is doing since he has a huge contribution to her decision making.
Another good note though got another goodmorning text from W so at least she hasnt stopped talking to me and i think ive made it clear that I dont "need" to talk to her. Not sure if she is talking to me because she feels like im hurt and that i "need" to hear from her.
Your doing great, get the negative thoughts about FIL out of your head, maybe he is serious that after everything that has gone down, that she needs you and his granddaughter needs both of you.
You did great, and are doing great. Cannot wait until you get to tell her that D3 loves the new playset.
You are now starting to have some control over the situation and it should make you feel a little bit better about everything. Just keep it up, when she calls next time, how 'bout saying that you and D have a playdate somewhere? What can you do for you and your daughter in the next couple of days.
I will do that i think she was very surprised i didnt want to talk last night, so im pretty confident that she will try and call tonight espically since D3 didnt want to talk to her last night.
As far as FIL I will always be respectful to him is of course my W's father and the only parent figure that she has ever had in her life. I will not hold my negative thoughts about his involvement against him and i will not dwell on them any longer im going to do what is best for me and my daughter and like you said burt It is whats best for us and if my wife stays it will be a great byproduct. I still am upset but i guess today im having a good day so far.
thanks for the support you are helping get me through this with all your advice and i will keep following it.
You are feeling better because the control is coming back into your life. You have control over you, you have no control over her. She is probably wondering what the heck is going on and will want to see for herself these changes you are making. Remember, although you expect her to call, she may not, and thus will play the DB game on you, do not fall for it, you are WAY too busy.
Feeling more like im having up and down hours rather than up and down days. Was feeling good earlier today. I started reading DR got to the section about W shutting the door compeletly and about the diehard, Impossible people that are hard to change thier minds, needing a miracle to having LRT to work. Made me feel horrible. I see my W as woman very full of pride and very hard headed and she seem very firm in her decision she gave me on friday. I cant believe i'm actually afraid to think of the future thats not the type of person i am. I'm praying this ends sooner than later.
