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Doc,

How well has the asexual approach worked for you so far?

Your W had an A, she was looking for a lover. She didn't find one. You haven't offered her one.

I think the way OT phrased it doesn't sound threatening. Maybe she's been waiting for you to talk dirty to her. After all, it is only talk. She can't have you arrested for making an offer.

Giving this a little more thought. Try to remember...did your wife have orgasms with you? what did you do to give her orgasms? You don't have to use OT's exact words. You can phrase it in the way the will remind C of what you used to do that she liked.

Sara,

As far as I know she did.. If not she is a pretty good actor.
As for the "dirty talk" We may be at a place that I can start that again but in the not so distant past when ever I used some of the "pet names" we used for stuff intimately wise...she would either get pissed, say "don't even go there or just shut down. But Like I said that was the past.We have come a long way..I am going to try something that week.(and small stuff leading up to it) After all July will be our Annv.

Me

Doc,

I think what OT is saying is you need to step it up, shake things up a bit. Maybe it will help, maybe not. But Only you can make that choice, you know her better than us. I personally think it may help a bit, considering the fact that you will be taking the "reins" so to speak. Maybe that is what she wants.

I can't figure her out, but OT did make a good point about her having the A to begin with.

The worse that could happen is that she will say no, and really, like Rob said, its her loss!!!

Hi OT, Well, OK, perhaps my statement was a little too "definitive".

I'll just say that I have become more assertive in the boudoir, and I have tried different approaches. Ones along the lines you suggested were NOT successful.

That does not mean that I have not discovered other ways of being confident, sexy, and masculine that DO work.

Each person's mileage may vary, of course!

I have to say....I'd go with OT's statement. And say it early enough so that she can think about it all day. Look good and smell good, and for this time...GIVE......if she asks for more then you can always give more....but, focus on the GIVING and the cherishing of her as a woman. Look at her, and touch her with new eyes and hands.

She may feel like she should resist verbally...that's what she is use to now, but it doesn't mean she doesn't want it. Get her in the mood and expect it to be all about her, and ENJOY it being all about her.

Again, I'm not saying don't DO it, I'm just saying don't ANNOUNCE it in such "unromantic" terms ahead of time.

OK, so do we have any lady readers who might care to chime in?

I agree with Rob. I really think that would back fire on me.

I just think I should go at it as a real Date. One that I have been seeing this woman for a while now and I want to up it a notch to an Intimacy level..

You have to do whatever you think she will be receptive to. You know her better than anyone.

I hope she is a willing party