I agree with Sara. Let him in again and you will end up repeating the same old patterns.
If he sacks the OW and drops all his demands then maybe think again......but until the pigs start flying don't let your mind wander that way. Don't let loneliness drive you back to him Yoyo- go find a better future.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Sara and Saffie, I agree, that's why I'm staying away from him. I refuse to be in this unhealthy relationship anymore. I fell for it way too long. It's time to open my eyes.
Saffie, we know he will not fire the OW/super secretary.
I'm looking forward to a new future.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Shades of future past, or whatever it is, deja vue. Got a call from S25 a little while ago. "Send S20 to pick me up, I can't drive." Nice that I no longer have to do the late night pick up the drunk runs myself anymore. I think there is trouble in paradise. His girlfriend is no longer taking his temper outbursts. I guess I always knew it would end. But I did so enjoy having them out of MY house.
Yoyo, you are doing great!! I don't think you have seen the last of your H's ditch efforts to try and wheel you back in. Stay firm, and remind yourself of what you've gone through.
I agree with Saffie, you need to get out and start doing things, Im sure you will be pleasantly suprised at what happens.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
If he sacks the OW and drops all his demands then maybe think again......but until the pigs start flying don't let your mind wander that way. Don't let loneliness drive you back to him Yoyo-go find a better future.
He's trying to suck you in. He's pulling on the string hoping the yoyo will, yet again, recoil quickly, torque upwards. and settle in his hand.
The best thing you can do is cut the string.
It will send him and your daughters a strong message -- you are not to be taken for granted anymore. You are not a doormat. You are not the Giving Tree. You are entitled to 50% of all your common assets and, most importantly you are entitled to be respected.
It will take more than a major miracle to convince me your husband is for real. When he gives up the OW and can demonstrate that he's had no contact with her for 12 months, when gets into therapy for his anger/rage and narcisissm and can demonstrate he's a decent human being, then maybe you should give it a second thought. He then needs to bend over backwards and not make a SINGLE demand on you. Not until then.
Actually my gut says run as far from him as you can.
What Sara said about your oldest daughter is something I've been reflecting on for sometime. If you want to talk offline about it, I'm willing to. I'll say this for now....how you treat yourself/respect yourself will invite, almost enable certain responses from your husband. This is also true with your girls. Yes they think your husband is a jerk, but they are partly accepting his behavior towards you because you accept it. Not only will it shape what they accept from men, but it will also affect how they treat you.
I think your starting to feel your stength and power return. Keep moving in that direction.
I recently saw a movie called Lars and the Real Girl. A man was talking to his brother, asking how do you know you are an adult. Here is his brother's response...
Quote:
Well, it's not like you're one thing or the other, okay? There's still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what's right for you, what's right for everybody, even when it hurts...Like, you know, like, you don't jerk people around, you know, and you don't cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, you know, and you admit when you're wrong, or you try to, anyways. That's all I can think of, you know - it sound like it's easy and for some reason it's not.
Oldest DD20 told me about a month ago that she wants to move back in with me. I guess part of it is that youngest DD will be going to college in the fall so she won't have to share a bathroom. LOL. She is at my house all the time except just to sleep. She said she dreads telling her dad. I didn't tell her at the time, but honestly, I think he will be relieved. Just think he will get to do whatever he wants at his house now without anyone seeing.
Last night DD20 and I were painting her bedroom at my house. It was just the two of us. She started opening up to me. She told me that when she got home Tuesday night from being at my house that he wasn't home and didn't come home the whole night. She said, "I guess he called you and you didn't let him come over, so he called her." I said, "I honestly don't care to be around him. I hated having to be around him Sat. night at the prom dinner, but it wasn't about me, it was about your sister." DD20 then said "Sister" hasn't given up on him yet, and I have." I said "What do you mean?" She said, "I don't care about him and don't need him." I said,"Don't say that you'll always need your dad." She said, " I can take care of myself. He has disrespected me too, by spending the night at her house and bringing her to the house to spend the night when I was there. I'm sick of him." She had never really told me all of this before. What kind of individual sets this kind of example for his 20 year old daughter? See she saw how he would be with OW and then turn around and call me. She just kept her mouth shut because she didn't want to get in the middle of it. How awful that he put her in that spot? How can he live with himself?
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
What a sleeze ball. I cannot believe that he has no problem with doing this in front of her.. he is a jerk and 1/2.
This shows you that he wants his cake and eat it too. Run yoyo run far away as theo put it. This guy is not going to change, and for all of your sakes your are better off without him.
You have so much of offer to someone else, so much love, and he doesn't deserve any of it.
((((((hugs))))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Your husband has been having an affair with his secretary for nearly 3 years and he refuses to end it. He's broken up two families and left a young boy essentially fatherless. He's shamed his loving wife and two daughters. He's brought his mistress to spend the night and have sex with her while his daughter was sleeping in the same house. He's strung you along for three years in this yo-yo relationship where he makes miniscule overtures towards you while he keeps his mistress. When you tell you want him to break off his adulterous affair, he starts making heavy demands on you, suggesting you become a Stepford wife. He gets to do all this with no financial consequences. And he's not sorry, not one bit.
Take that paragraph and paste it on your refigerator and look at it the next time he calls and wants to come around.
Yoyo, just checking in and it looks like more of the same --EXCEPT with you.
Live your life, it is too short to waste one more minute on H unless he has a life awakening when he doesn't see Yoyo looking at him unless it is with a jaundiced eye.
When it comes to us -- we tend to put up with it...but when it comes to our daughters stay out of our way. NO EXAMPLE for your D20.. How hard it must have been to tell you this.
We deserve respect but we need to know that we we deserve it. I think you know this now.
You have done everything humanly possible to make your M work. EVERYTHING. Turn it over to God and live -- just live.
Hugs...
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
