keep your guard up ok? I know this is hard, even harder to see her so close, but'll get through with this. Why were both of you at the L's? each of you needs your own L, even if you are doing mediation. I read somewhere to remember that the L is not a therapist, so dont' bring up old R/M stuff there, sadly you are seeing a L for something totally different.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Long time no write Marcum. You and I hit the scene at the same time. And you and I are both headed for D. Wooooo! I have followed you off and on all year. I think that I can finally see clearly into both of our sitches.
D!
We must take care of the D and get it done right. You need your own L. L will show you how it should all work out so you don't have to worry. D will be the best thing for our Rs. I am sure of it.
One direct comment. If you can, you must stop the crying. If you can, you must stop the hugging. She gets it. You love her. The best thing you can do from here on out is to efficiently handle the D. Make it fair, protect your interests, keep her informed. Lovingly. Be tough for now. She knows you are hurting. Imagine that she is some new person that you are trying to impress. Be efficient. Do it right. Be strong. I feel like I can say this because I have spent a year crying in my car, hoping she would drive by and see me. Pathetic. Not attractive. Not gonna make some new person want to hang out with me. And the other dude? Easy. You have the entire D procedure to show her how much better you are.
And this is how I am going to do it: Envision the life I am going to put together after the D is over. I make it look good. I accept it as the one I am heading toward. It will make all the difference. To you and your wayward W. Hey, that's "as if!"
Let's do it together! C'mon. Post D life. The better it looks in your head the easier it will be to get there. And best of all, W can't mess it up. She can only make it better.
Try to look at six months from now. Not now.
(I'm no expert. My methods are not yet proven, but it is starting to make sense.)
Thanks for always posting... L
Me 41 W 39 d7, s4 M 13 Bomb ILYBNILWY November 28th, 2007
Envision the life I am going to put together after the D is over. I make it look good. I accept it as the one I am heading toward. It will make all the difference. To you and your wayward W. Hey, that's "as if!"
That's half the battle right there, even if you dont' believe it yourself, envision it, burn it in your brain, imagen a whole new outlook for your life... eventually your heart will catch up with that vision and you'll move forward.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
hello marcum. I'm a newcommer! but I was reading ur post on2/4/08. and I just wanted to ask ur advise. My husband and I are in a very rough patch for like the 3rd year out of our 4 1/2 year marriage. I was reading where u said your wife seen you as a verbal abuser. While I feel the same way about the H. I have begged, cried and demanded he stop for the sake of the marriage and the kids. Our kids r 1.5 & 2.75 years old and our 2 yearold is starting to repeat what she hears. How do I get him to stop. I have treating divorce I have asked him to move out and everytime I feel like I'm standing up for myself and the kids I feel like its the wrong thing for the kids and I love him so much so I always ask him back I dont want a divorce but whats better my kids living in a seperated home or having their father even if acting the way he does? How do I get it to stop? please any help is much needed. thank you.
my son's counselor told me that in her years of study/experience she has learned that neither social status nor being married/separated affected the kids as much as how much arguing there was in the housel. She saw a well adjusted son of a single mother who lived a peaceful live vs a very conflicted kid from a couple that argued constantly. My soon to be ex had an abusive father, it was a sham M, they were only together for appearance's sake and "for the kids", the man is so seriusly messed up and one day even reproaced his mother about the abuse he received from his father because she didnt have the guts to stand up to him and leave him.
He wont' stop until he admits he has a problem. You need to go see a counselor even if he doesnt' want to come, go alone, ideally he'd come with you but if he doesn't you need to talk to a professional to help you see your options.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I can see were my wife hated the fact I raised my voice. I never swore or called her names, but there was yelling. Me goimg to counceling was a huge step in a more self awarness. but he has to want to join or all hes doing is seeing you makeing him out to be a bad guy.
