Quote: I am definately going to think about doing this but I am worried he might find it too "soppy" or contrived. He can be sadly unromantic in that way. And it would be a hell of a job for me to read it out to him. Do I have to read it out or can I let him read it. And could I even do that??? Arggh. Well it gives me something to think about. Thanks again.
The point is to write it in words that will make HIM understand, you know him best... pick the right words. You read it to him, start by telling him this is serious, and please listen because it is very important to both of you.
Have you ever considered getting one of those "spice up your lovelife" books for yourself and trying out a few things on him the next time? You may not be able to get him to read about it or talk about it, but if you try it and you get some positive results, you could just 'happen' to leave the book lying about, you know?
I did something a little like that a few months ago and it sort of backfired. We had been away for the weekend which was our 10th anniversery of being together and he seemed quite keen to make love (4 times). However we still had this problem with it being painful and awkward. We did not say anything about it tho and when we got back he never seemed interested. This is when I started doing some surfing/reading as I mentioned above, and I ended up getting a book which I found helpful. I wanted to talk to him about it but I just didn't know how to bring it up so I tried leaving the book around where he would see it. He ignored it all day but in the evening he got into a bad mood, complained about the room being messy and threw the book at the wall. After that I said no more about it.
Since then I have done some more reading inc the SSm and I am thinking that the problem is he feels very defensive about this. He knows the way he is behaving is "not normal" ( I'm sure he knows I would like to make love more often although we do not actually talk about it) but for some reason he does not want to deal with it. Well perhaps he does not see any way of doing anything about it. I think he feels it is his fault (I admit I used to think so as well), when really we have both contributed to the situation.
I am trying to put some of this into the message I am writing him. I think reading him it seems a good idea but at the same time I am very worried about how he will react. It would certainly be a 180 for me to do something like that, just thinking about it now makes me nervous. Can it work?
Quote: I am very worried about how he will react. It would certainly be a 180 for me to do something like that, just thinking about it now makes me nervous. Can it work?
Yes you are right CJ. I have finished writing it at last and I think it is OK but I am going to revise it a bit. I am going to try and do it this weekend. I have to psych myself up.
Quote: People have to desperate to ask me for advise, that's like the inmates running the asylum
I work in a home for the elderly mentally ill and let me tell you there is sometimes a very thin line between who is crazier, us or them.
Genius Jim!?. Delusions of grandeur? Well I hope not actually. If I take your advice and it works out for me I may start calling you that.
I was quite pleased with myself today as I had to tell the guy who is selling our house that we want to pull out of the sale. I have got to know this guy and he is really sweet. We've been stuck in this chain of awkward people for ages and we'd just had enough and plus we had some worries about paying the mortgage on the new house. But I know Terry had put in a lot of work trying to sort it all out and I didn't want to upset him. Still I knew I can't really buy a house just to please the agent. I've been putting off telling him for ages, hoping something would come up so I didn't have to, (my H didn't want to do it either) but today I did it. It went quite well. I was looking at it as a practise session. I guess there are times when you do have to tell people things they don't want to hear, but I think it certainly helps to do it as nicely as possible. So you may be right, "Genius" Jim.
I do have them. That always kinda scared me, because crazy people have them, but the fact that I realize it, and that it does scare me keeps me in balance, which again brings me back to thinking i'm a genius, which are delusions of grandeur, which scares me, but... help ahhhhhhhhh!
Anyone know where can I get a book on do it yourself lobotomies ? LOL
I really wanted to do it, and I had written the letter although it was not very good and did not quite say everything I wanted to say. But anyway I just couldn't do it and to be honest I don't think I will ever be able to. The thing is I hate the way I seem to be getting further apart from my husband all the time. I am going on this site in secret and who knows what will eventually happen unless I can start being honest. There seem to be more and more secrets and things to hide all the time. I don't want that so I am going to ask him to look at this site which will tell him everything. It's a bit extreme in a way and I really hope I don't end up regretting it, or that he will be too hurt by it. But I really feel like I have to get this all out in the open.
Sweetheart, If you are reading this then I want to thank you and I hope it did not upset you too much. I feel really bad about the way things are going and I hope that this can start to sort things out. I don't want any more secrets between us. I used to feel like I could tell you anything and I hope we can get back to that.
If you want to see the message Crazy Jim suggested I write you I have left it for you to have a look at, its in the back of the SSM book. It is not very good, but at least I have been able to say something about how I feel. I really love you and although this has all been far too public for what I know you would like I think that I should say this here. It is kind of an apology. I should have talked to you, but I hope you can see why I didn't. I have always trusted you and you have been nothing but good to me. So Thank you for all the things you have done for me and been to me. Please try to forgive me for any hurt this may have caused you I really didn't ever want to hurt you and I will try to set that right. But please lets not brush all this under the carpet, but use it to improve our relationship so something like this can never happen again.
I am therfore, a GENIUS! 
. Delusions of grandeur?