I am pleased but a little worried about finances. Lets just say I may finally lose some weight on the not being able to afford any food diet.
A slight sexual disaster this wkend. Now I will give too much info . I said earlier that we often have problems and it can be awkward (and painful in my case). I have sort of worked out this is due to not enough natural lubrication and not enough foreplay. Perhaps because it was painful in the past the muscles involuntarily tense up. However I think that if we used some lube and took it a lot more gradually so I had time to relax it would be much better.
Well I meant to say all that to my H, but as usual I found it hard to talk to him about anything embarrassing so I didn't. I thought of writing him a letter again but I wasn't sure what to put in it exactly. I also felt like it might seem too pushy after the last conversation. Now I wish I had.
Anyway I thought I would leave it until he actually seemed interested and then try to ask him to do what I wanted him to. This plan went horribly wrong. He did not take it well and got put off even before we could start. Then he just lay there with his eyes closed and ignored me totally. I was upset by this because I was thinking "how selfish I only asked for a few things and he should be interested in what would be good for me anyway - he should ask me."
I told him if he doesn't talk to me I am going to get upset, but he just kept ignoring me so I got up and went off to sulk in the other room. I was feeling really cross. I was thinking Whats the point anyway ect.
I thought he's just so selfish and stupid and insensitive ect ect blah blah. Normally if we fight he would never be the first one to try to make up, even if it's his fault totally (as it always is but he never seems to agree). But he bought me a bar of chocolate was nice to me. I was so surprised by this I forgave him instantly. Annoyingly he then went on to be rather sensible and mature about the whole thing. He said I should have talked about this before. So I said I found it too embarrassing and he said "we are married you know, it is allowed". Huh, coming from someone who always looks disapproving if I even mention anything remotely sexual. But maybe I am mistaken about this. It was nice tho and made me feel better. We had a good weekend together, but we didn't actually talk anymore and no more S. But all in all I am feeling quite happy and at least I now have a new house- hoorah!
I think you should print your last post and give it to him. You said everything that needed to be said there.
In order to improve your sex life, you are going to have to learn to open up to your H in an honest fashion. I'm sure part of his frustration is not knowing what you want, how you want it, and how you feel about it all. If I knew that every time I had sex with my H it was going to hurt him, I think I'd be very leery of ever having sex with him. I hate to say this, but in a small way, I almost don't blame your H for being reluctant.
You know, from his perspective, you told him you were hoping for sex this weekend, he tries, and then everything goes ka-bloo-ee because you couldn't bring yourself to speak openly and honestly with him about what would help the situation before-hand. So he follows through on his end, but you don't follow through on yours. You get mad, but he's the one who apologizes!
Is there any chance you think he looks so disapproving when you speak of sex with him because it gives you an out of not having to talk about something that is so emabarassing for you? Do you pick appropriate times to speak of the issue, or do you bring it up when you know you have the greatest chance of the conversation getting shot down?
Quote: Well I meant to say all that to my H, but as usual I found it hard to talk to him about anything embarrassing so I didn't.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so hard on you, but from the above statement, I think you might be contributing to the problem far more than you think, but blaming your H so you don't have to overcome or deal with your own communication challenge/fear.
Obviously, sex and trust go hand-in-hand. But so does honest communication. Could it be that you really don't have a sex problem, but maybe a communication problem?
I'm sorry. I feel like a complete ogre. But that's what I'm seeing from your post.
Quote: Obviously, sex and trust go hand-in-hand. But so does honest communication. Could it be that you really don't have a sex problem, but maybe a communication problem?
I'm sorry. I feel like a complete ogre. But that's what I'm seeing from your post.
Nah Corri I don't think you sound like an ogre but are you sure you don't originate from Yorkshire (where they call a spade, a spade - not a long-handled metal soil moving instrument)? .
Anyway you're probably right but it was true about the disapproving look. He doesn't like talking about S either. I mean even after he said that we did not go on to have a further talk about the matter. But I guess I should try and start one up some time. I think he'd be Ok about it now as long as he is in a good mood. I don't want to leave it to long but don't want to rush into anything either, so not sure when.
Did I mention I have a new house! Nothing can upset me be as blunt as you like
God love you heart, girl. Congrats on the new house!! That is soooo exciting!!!! Happy dance, happy dance, happy dance....
I know the two of you don't like talking about sex, and it could be that we Americans are just TOO talkative... but if you can't get it out there in the open, how in the world can the two of you ever resolve the issue?
Like anything else, it takes practice. And the more you do it, the easier it gets. It is a phenomenal way to build trust between yourselves. Once you can begin to have these types of conversations, it tends to spill over into everything else.
I'm not saying that you have to have 'deep' conversations all the time, but when they do happen, it's a nice way to connect.
Quote: He doesn't like talking about S either. I mean even after he said that we did not go on to have a further talk about the matter.
I's the same with my H, Jiji. We suffer from a complete absence of what I call "Pleasure Knowledge." He says nothing turns him on, my suggestions are met with "No" or "That doesn't interest me", he suggests no alternatives and not once has he inquired as to what he could do to bring me pleasure. I believe in honest communication, but it's kind of boring hearing only my voice. Some debate from him would be appreciated.
Quote: But I guess I should try and start one up some time. I think he'd be Ok about it now as long as he is in a good mood. I don't want to leave it to long but don't want to rush into anything either, so not sure when.
Let us know how it turns out.
Quote: Did I mention I have a new house! Nothing can upset me be as blunt as you like
. I said earlier that we often have problems and it can be awkward (and painful in my case). I have sort of worked out this is due to not enough natural lubrication and not enough foreplay. Perhaps because it was painful in the past the muscles involuntarily tense up. However I think that if we used some lube and took it a lot more gradually so I had time to relax it would be much better.
