Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers The adventure continues- part 4

I realize I misread your question. YES, gather enough evidence NOT ONLY so you can finger him, but that you can prove an A. Phone records? Internet?

I wasn't a fan of the outing earlier. In general, I think that the cheater got to that point for a reason, and that you should live and let live and not destroy someone (petty) if it's too far gone. But I've reached a different opinion based on how she has behaved recently and based on how she speaks about you with your D.

It is only because of your D that I'm feeling like it's time to out this. So that you are in a good position.

Lucky

Thanks everyone for your input. I'm tired of this naseous feelling everyday and indecision on my wife's part. So, If the light is on I will have to do some serious contemplation about what to do on Monday. I have to know what this guy looks like and based on the location/positioning of the apartment, the only way to do this is to knock on the door. I honestly don't know what to do. While it pains me that I feel like I should do this and I really don't want to jepardize my wife's career, I know if I do this there WILL PROBABLY BE NO CHANCE FOR RECONCILIATION! I am praying, praying with all my might that I don't see a light on in that apartment and that she really did break it off w/ OM and is just taking time to get over it. I know I'm worth more than this but it still hurts tremendously!

Take someone with you...do not get in a fight. It is much better to expose using your chain of command. Have a friend go knock on the door and act like he is at the wrong apartment to confirm he is there. How did you get the information that he was a Lt Col married to a Col? There can't be that many at one base? Check the Bio's and use your knowledge of your W duty section to narrow the possibilities. There has to be some type of interaction...PT, lunch, offiical events that will help you. If you can do some leg work yourself you can save money to get a PI involved so you can use the information in court for custody and alimony. Let's also hope it never goes that far. You really need to get some proof and expose quickly. Take care

No way to get phone records, tried this already, new password would go directly to wife's cell phone. She has her own internet service as well. All I have right now is her admission to me and emails stating that she's been promiscious. No names, numbers, details. She did tell me that there were 2 other guys at her work(civilians) and this LtCol who she is in love with. Like I said, I won't to bring this MFer down more than her. I'm praying for strength to follow through if and when I find out the horrible truth.

Why wouldn't there be a chance for reconciliation?

She just might respect your actions and think you're her hero for manning up. DO NOT DO THIS IN A NANNY-NANNY POO-POO WAY. That is NOT manning up. Dignified, deliberate, quiet, swift, in all seriousness. For the sake of the honor of you and your daughter.

She knows she's been naughty and deserves a spanking. A juvenile perspective, but probably true.

Lucky

AFWAW....You asked me to check out your story. I apologize that I haven't read the whole thing but I think I have the gist of it.

What I'm not quite understanding is this recent stuff. Why do you have to see his face in order to expose them at their work?

And why do you have to ensure that he is at her apartment in order to expose them?

To me, all the proof you need is in the fact that she confessed it to you already. Then she felt the confession wasn't wise and took it back (I hope I have these facts straight), said she wanted to come home but changed her mind. Her previous confession is all you need. She gave you names right? Why do you need to see his face?

I know this is all horribly painful to you....

To me, I'm not sure if exposing is the right plan. It will definitely shake things up and it will probably stop all the affairs and heads will roll...but it may or may not make her ever want to be with you again.

Then on the other hand, lets say you don't expose. She still may or may not want to ever be with you again.

To me, what you really need to do is decide for YOURSELF if YOU want HER back or not. Decide this assuming she is still having affairs. And then you will know what to do.

Now, about exposure...I can see where a LBS would want to do this and I can't blame them...the hurt caused by the WAS seems to justify the exposure.

But...

Will it heal anything within YOU?

DQ

I meant a figurative spanking, not literal. Hands off.

She told me that he was married to a Col. I already looked up all the LtCols--37 possibles. I was thinking of taking my camera and as I knocked on the door and answered taking his picture right away and then introducing myself. I'm not really worried about getting in a fight. Thanks.

Hi DQ: Your last statement was exactly where I was at until today.

AF: You can be dignified if you choose to remain silent, and you can be dignified if you choose to out them. I don't know about this camera idea -- I envision an I Love Lucy slapstick mishap where you miss the shot and you just look like a big dork.

Lucky

AF--

I know, really know, how hard it is to get out of your own head. But, for your own peace of mind, you HAVE to do it. It is only as over and done as you want it to be. In the meantime, though, you seriously need to find a way to get more rest. Maybe an extra trip to the gym or some outdoor activities with your D in the afternoon? How about planting a garden--veggies or flowers? She will love it, it expends a ton of energy, and you have a real sense of accomplishment when you are done.

I know that your wife will one day regret what she is doing to her D. However, at least she is making an effort, no matter how half-hearted and misguided. My DH has completely abandoned our kids right after returning from a deployment. Read my newest thread to see what the sitch is.

Right now, all you can control is you and you have got to focus on yourself and your D. Do not worry about her. The OM is a bandaid. They eventually get icky and fall off. Do you want to be the same AF when she comes back or do you want to be a better man--not just for her, but more importantly for you and your D?

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW