Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers The adventure continues- part 4

I reconned the apartment today and would be difficult to do for a couple of reasons. The first is, I drive a pretty flashy car and she would see it right away and second the apartment complex is not that large so there would be no where to conceal it and third, her apartment is in the back of the complex and would be difficult to see in that her apartment is on the second floor facing the woods.

Yep, I know she already cheated. She also said she broke it off w/ OM. I want to know if it's really true or if it's a load of bull. It will either calm me down or spin me out of control. Like I said, not knowing is the worst--that will kill me. I would rather know. If no one is in the apartment, then I may be more apt to believe that it is over. If a light is on then I will never, ever, ever believe another word and will be inclined to file. As far as confronting the OM, I want him to see me and know who I am. This will do one of two things for the sitch. He will freak out(as he knows he could get in some serious trouble)and hopefully leave and never, ever return and I will have the leverage I need to turn in my wife and OM. I don't want my wife to get in trouble unless I have a way of getting OM in trouble at work. Additionally, I would email this OM's wife who is supposed to be a Col at another base and let her know. I'm pretty sure my next step after that would be to file for a divorce.

Hopefully, it won't get that far. Prayer

hooper,
you are correct! That is exactly why I need his identity. If both are served w/ a no-contact order then if they are caught breaking it, they will get into much more serious trouble than they will already be in.


I'll find out in a few days--keeping my fingers crossed. I will not do anything to jepardize my career or my daughter's stability. You have nothing to worry about here. Thanks very much for your concern. From the way you are talking, I think I would have liked to have been stationed with you.

OK, maybe I'm missing something here. So you're saying that if the light is NOT on when you go to the apartment that you will assume the affair is over? What if the OM simply decided not to go there at that time because he knew she wasn't going to be there? Or what if he can't go there that night because of other commitments?

And let's assume he's there....I doubt he'd open the door for you (especially if it has a peephole). You may not know what OM looks like, but I bet he knows (of) you.

OK, just had contact from the wife. Interesting conversation and gucciloafer and puppy, I'm looking for feedback on this one as I thought about you two when I saw it was her.

So, she's starts out w/ asking how my day was. I said great! I didn't ask about hers. She said she talked to my D last night and she didn't want to talk to her. I didn't tell her why I thought D didn't want to talk to her but duh, come on she left her high and dry. She said, assuming the invitation is still open and I decide I want to come back, how will I deal with that? I said, honestly, you'll have to do the best you can to make her feel special and do right by her no matter what happens as she's your daughter. She then said, I can't make up my mind. Again, I didn't respond. She said, hell, by the time I decide, you might not even want me back(hey, she's right, I get closer and closer to that everyday). Again, no response from me. She said I find myself driving by your work to see if your car is there and wondering where you are if it's not(I do the same as it's on the way home but I didn't tell her that). Again, no response. She said why don't you go out on a date this weekend. I stepped in and said, we have had this conversation before, I'm married and I don't go out on dates with other women. She said, why don't you try to see if you like it, she said I'm not saying go out and screw another woman(cause that would be wrong, right?) but just go out to see if you like it. Again, no, that's not what I'm about, enough with that already. She went back to talking about if I make E8 and get orders where WE would get orders to(I thought to myself, your time is running out quickly, I may get orders and you WILL NOT, especially if I see evidence that OM is still there) She started again on the clean living and I cut her short at that point and said, I have to go, I'm at D's daycare and will talk to you later! She said ok.

I tried my best not to sound down and to be honest I wasn't this afternoon so it wasn't that tough. Does it sound like she's pursuing now? I don't know, thoughts? It sure does sound like she is having second thoughts and I hope I gave her some doubt as to what my intentions are. Feedback?

He was living there before according to the wife. If she's let him back in, I would assume he would be again--remember they were in or are still in "love". Additionally, the wife is going to be out of town for 2 days and as new lovers like to do things for each other, I know if it was me, I would be over there waiting for her to come in anticipation of getting some sweet loving down by the fire(for all you SouthPark fans). And you may be right, it may be a complete waste of time but it might make me feel better--I don't know at this point but I'm not discounting any feedback as I am emotional about the whole thing so thanks!



I thought about that too. If I knock on the door, I will make sure my head is turned enough so that he cannot see me through the peephole. I would say something like oh, sorry, I must have the wrong apartment and leave. That would be enough.

AFWAW....NO your wife is not pursuing you with those questions...what she is probably doing is trying to create the sitch where YOU DO go on a date with someone else so that then her guilt will not be so overwhelming, and also she probably secretly hopes that you will fall for someone else so that she will not have to make the decision, YOU WILL....

My two cents....

I'm so sorry. I am praying very hard for you. But seriously sir, your wife is too far gone right now for you to really hope for real communication from her. Her phone call is just further evidence that she's not done screwing around (ie: the reason she cannot make up her mind), and that she is feeling guilt. However, guilt does NOT mean a person has remorse or contrition. It just means they think that by feeling guilty, they can somehow lessen the effect of their bad deeds.

DQ

AFWAW,
Every time I read your post my heart rate goes way up...to avoid any confusion as I ramble I wanted you to know that I am pro-marriage (except for drugs and abuse) but you should always prepare for divorce and hope for marriage (IMHO). Life is hard and the military deployments make it more so...it is unusual for a MSgt with a deployed spouse to have an affair with a teenage daughter at home. I wonder how many lies she told your daughter while you were gone and how come she is surprised that she doesn't want to talk to her. I did not understand that the Lt Col(OM) wife was stationed somewhere else...this gives him plenty of time to spend with your wife although he is foolish if he is going in and out of her apartment for others to see...could be other military in the area that recognize both of them.

Try to borrow someones car or get a cheap rental for the weekend to do your recon?

Good call on refusing the date. I think she is still seeing the OM and wants you to be the bad guy or equally bad so her guilt is eased in her mind.

I hope you make SMSgt although I do not think that your problems will go away just because you PCS.

I would have been honored to be stationed with you AFWAA...it is obvious to everyone reading your post that we are lucky to have you protecting us...although, I do like retirement, but sometimes miss the people I worked with...we were very close everywhere I was stationed for almost 30 yrs. I got lucky.

Keep taking care of your daughter, yourself (try golf this weekend - cheap on-base), stay away from the alcohol (this is where I see so many people screw-up and get in trouble), you are the sole provider for your daughter and don't need for her to see you drunk...you are always her role model.

I wish you could get proof - it will protect you somewhat legally if you divorce, it could help with your exposure (don't worry to much about your wife getting in trouble, with the other person being an officer she will probably get a slap on the wrist,(LOR) your purpose in exposing is to end the affair even if it feels like revenge. Don't let the fear of losing custody of your daughter stop you from doing the right (moral) thing or change who you are...again, on a tactical level with a possible divorce your wife has done just about everything wrong...moving out, leaving your daughter, days without talking to her, lies, multiple affairs by her own admisson, encouraging you to commit adultry...these things make me think she is not wanting a divorce although the longer this last the more I think she will start thinking she wants one or the OM is telling her what she wants to hear because she is his "booty call" (sorry) for now while his wife is stationed elsewhere...

Stay calm, try to get proof, and take care of your self...even if SMSgt is a no go this year I am sure you know the Bronze Star will look great on your boards next year...

V/r,

What DQ said X2.

DQ stole my thunder. Yep.

Puppy