Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Springing forward...

Thanks! I have been looking for your thread SMW...

I just need to figure out my approach. My gut instinct is to be pissed/cold. But he is the father of my kids and my husband so maybe I should just be polite/businesslike. I just know that being the fun perky friend has done nothing but hurt me and my kids...

(((((((BobbiJo))))))

I think Dan is confused (as well as broken, but that's nothing new) and his actions are probably confusing the kids. They were confusing you, too, for a long time, but I think you are seeing things more clearly now. I think SMW is right, if Dan wants to be separated, then he needs to be separated. He's trying to have his cake, and eat it. It might be time to tell him it isn't acceptable.

BobbiJo--

I started a new thread in Newcomers. Pray for my kids.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

Hey sis,
you are a veteran, you can handle things better and better as time goes by. I know it's hard to have to face the truth at some point and not be misguided by our wishes and hopes but I guess we all do that when we are ready.

You are not a liar and your kids are confused but not because you have been trying to protect them from Dan's immaturity. Dan is taking advantage of your kindness and love and is trying hard to avoid any kind of consequences while doing his own thing.

Showing anger is not bad IMO. In comparison to being needy and crying and all that is much better.

Keep your mojo and stay cool. What ever is to happen, will. Just make sure you are acting in a way you will have no regrets later. You are doing fine.
Love
K

BBJ,

I agree with the girls. Nothing changes if everything stays the same and nothing has changed in your situation EXCEPT your becoming aware that's it's not working and it won't work with Dan getting all the perks and you getting all the jerks.

Stop it and enforce that visitation schedule. Away from YOUR house. The circle talking needs to stop from Dan.... Is he in or out? If he says "I don't know", as I am sure he will... that means he's not in.... right?... so he's out.

I am not saying out forever or anything but I hope you understand what I am saying. Business like and polite because there is no other reason to be any other way.

How are you today sweetie? How is Sydney?

Thanks, guys. Polite and businesslike would be tough today so I guess I will try not communicating at all...

I had been home with Sydney for 3 days while she ran a high fever, I wouldn't be surprised if her daycare calls me to come get her.

Last night she slept in my bed, I have been keeping her with me while she is sick so I can make her drink water through the night and check her temperature. Nathan didn't want to sleep alone in their room so I let him sleep on my floor by my bed. Didn't want him in the bed in case Sydney was contagious...

So last night we are lying in the dark and I ask how school was. He told me that he got to go see Mr. S (school counselor), and will get to go see hime once a week. I asked how it went, he said he listened to a story about a boy whose parents had 'split up' (Nathan's words) and the boy was sad bc the dad had a new apartment and he thought it was his fault but the parents told the boy they would love him no matter what and it wasn't his fault.

Then Nathan said I know it isn't my fault that you 'split up'. And I know you love me very much. But I still wish that you and daddy would get back together. The boy in the story wanted his mom and dad back together. But sometimes wishes don't come true.

Then I asked him if he thought his wish would come true. He said he still thought it might...Then we said our prayers and he asked me to pray that daddy and I would get back together...

If I spoke to Dan today I would say

Dan

Our little guy has always had his mom's unshakeable faith and eternal optimism. But now, I am watching a little boy's innocence fade away a little more each day--just last night he told me that sometimes 'wishes don't come true'. I can forgive many things but if Nathan loses his hope and innocence because of this I will not be able to get past that.

I don't know what you are thinking but I hope you realize that while you are dwelling over what happened in the past and what may or may not happen in the future, our son's life is changing NOW. He won't be able to get that faith back, and I won't be able to forgive you for stealing it from him. So whatever time you may think you have, you don't...



Okay good got that off my chest....yeah you can see I am not a happy camper today. At all. Thanks for listening.

Ouch.....rough night BBJ. I'm sorry.

Glad to hear Sydney was well enough to go to daycare today. Hopefully she will stay that way.

(((((((BobbiJo))))))

I hope your little one keeps mending!

It sounds like Nathan is a great little guy! Sometimes wishes don't come true, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't wish them!