Divorcebusting.com  |  Contact      
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 15 1 2 3 4 5 6 14 15
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 603
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 603
Hi PN!
Have just read through a couple of your posts. Your H sounds so like mine-in MLC and passive aggressive with a family who like to gloss over things and make things look good. Hopeless at knowing what he feels and hating to make decisions.

Oh and the whole marriage falling apart and I`m to blame...

I`m delighted that you`re seeing some progress! It gives me hope too!

Keep us posted!

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 819
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 819
PM,

Kudos to you, as usual, for your positive outlook, and your determination to move forward. You're really great!

Stacy


Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
Thanks Fallgirl and Davidswife. Trying the best I can to be the best person I can be. Tough at times especially when H shuts me out. But trying to find compassion and patience. Reading the Dalai Lama's 'The Art of Happiness'. So helpful!


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 463
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 463
Just catching up on your thread PM. Your counselling sessions both sounded amazing. I really wish I had an IC where I live but unfortunately there's nothing. I did feel I got a lot out of my time with my DB coach though. I'll probably end up going back there soon enough but right now I think I'm in a place where I can just go it alone for a wee while (well in addition to all the support I get on here). It is amazing the ideas they give you though. It's almost as if they're so obvious and you can't believe you never tried them before. The way I saw it was that they were just opening your eyes to what you already know you should be doing.

You are doing wonderfully PM. I love the fact that you're still so positive and I honestly see you as an inspiration to me. Keep that attitude. It does us all good to see you like this. Thank you.

Keep smiling.

Kev


Me: 32, Wife: 22
Son: 2
Married: 2 years
Separated: January 5th 2009

Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
thanks Kev, you know how it is. It comes and goes. I know my baseline happiness is pretty high, I just need to keep it that way and not let things get to me too much. With mindfulness, I hope I can achieve that.

The counsellors are great. One step at a time. I am trying to identify the areas in our M that needs work and my own issues that I need to work on while waiting so that when/if he reconsiders, I am ready and new and improved version of Liza. If he decides not to come back, it's still great to be the new and improved person for my kids, family and friends. But having counsellors help me see my issues more clearly is great because I felt that my H didn't understand how I felt and it got me very frustrated because we kept having similar arguments. Now that counsellors help me articulate my issues better and help me find solutions, I feel I have a team of people helping me understand everything. Yes , it was partly his fault, partly my fault. Yes, I can see how it could be changed for the better. Yes, I can do it very easily if I am mindful of what I am doing and not reacting or reacting when he pushes my buttons and vice versa.

I am hopeful that if I were given another chance, I can change things and interact in much healthier ways. I hope I am given the chance.


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
I got an invitation out of the blue from an acquaintance of mine. So I went out to a formal event as her guest to a sit-down charity dinner. It was quite a to-do in town. A lot of people and celebrities and well-to-do families. Many couples. It made me a little sad that H wasn't there. But I was with some other ladies who were there by themselves as well so it was fun chatting with them and making new friends.

I looked fabulous and got some very nice compliments from my friends and appreciative looks from the guys. I am starting to feel a little easier in regards to showing up to events without my H. The first ones were really hard but now getting a little better, especially events where almost everyone else is a couple. But I am feeling a bit more confident now. I am not looking for any male attention but just trying to get back into mixed society. Been hanging out with only women for a year. The friends I went out with have no idea about the problems I've been having in the past year so of course when they mention H, it's a bit awkward. But I am not ready to share yet. They are not that close and also, I don't want to bring the party down.

I am just glad that I can go out to an event like that without breaking down and wanting to cry. I think I actually had a good time, laughing with the gals.


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,896
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,896
Originally Posted By: PositivelyMommy
The friends I went out with have no idea about the problems I've been having in the past year so of course when they mention H, it's a bit awkward. But I am not ready to share yet. They are not that close and also, I don't want to bring the party down.

I did that too. It took me several months to tell anyone, and it was painful when everyone was asking me how H was or where he was (didn't want to say with OW). When I finally told them it was a huge relief. I could be honest, and no more awkward comments from friends. They did treat me kind of like I had cancer or something for a week or 2, like patting me on the back and "how are you" kind of stuff. But after that, back to normal life. So I was glad I finally did it... Karen


Me 53
D18, S24
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
Thanks Karen. It doesn't bother me that much generally. I just put on a smiling face and pretend. It's not so hard. What bothers me more is not what my girlfriends think but what my H thinks. I miss him so much still. I miss my best friend, my companion and my partner. That side is what REALLY gets to me. But GAL'ing very well so far. Keeping extremely busy with lots of work and volunteering stuff. Makes me happy to help others and also be with kids. I tell them how much I love them all the time. I think they really feel it.

H sent me an e-mail regarding his travel schedule. I didn't reply. It didn't need a reply. After our last convo abt our possible move, I think it's better if he thinks that I am not hanging on his every word but detaching. I hope I am subconsciously reminding him that I am not going to be here forever.


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 463
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 463
Good move on not replying to his e-mail PM. That's a really bad habit I had to break myself out of too. I always seemed to be the one to send the last text message or whatever. I think it's important to break off a conversation first. Makes you seem less needy and dependant.

Really glad you're enjoying your work and volunteering. It'll take your mind off things if nothing else. There's nothing worse than sitting about at home wallowing in your own self pity. Get out and enjoy the world. That's what it's there for.

You're doing great.

(((((PM))))))

Kev


Me: 32, Wife: 22
Son: 2
Married: 2 years
Separated: January 5th 2009

Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 714
thanks Kev. I just posted on your thread. May sound a little harsh but I definitely think you can do with a little bit of LBW's perspective.


Me:39
H:40
S:9
D:7
First Bomb ONS:June 07
Second Bomb OW: March 08
Separated: March 08
M:15 yrs
T:18 yrs
H deep into A with OW
Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09

'Yes, I can.'
Page 4 of 15 1 2 3 4 5 6 14 15

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Michele Weiner-Davis Training Corp. 1996-2025. All rights reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5