Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Can anyone answer this? Part 6

Renee, I'm not going to "let you have it" I will say that I thought you were a bit compulsive calling that many times. With that being said, if he doesn't want to talk to you, don't talk to him! Send a letter via your son telling XH that you will not use him as a messenger boy or mail it to him if you don't feel comfortable doing that. Renee, you MUST move on with your life!! You must start with baby steps, set small goals, then move to bigger ones. Renee, one other thing...... I haven't mentioned this before, but your H is a LOT OLDER than the OW. Well, I have something "encouraging" for you. The odds are very much against your H's "new marriage" working out. Under the best circumstances he would have about a 4 in 10 chance of it working, this being an affair based Relationship, him being much older than her I would say he has about a 2 in 100 chance of it being a lasting Relationship. I thought I would throw that in there for you.

Did you know that wolves, coyotes, foxes and dogs will chew their own leg off if caught in a trap? It is amazing what a creature will do when it feels like there are no other options.

I was a WAH once upon a time, so let me be frank, the things you do, are the things my first wife did. She never gave me the time to miss her, all she did was make it clear that I made the right choice every time she 'just had' to talk to me. Always what she wanted, always.

"Do you get my email did you get my message did you get my letter. Yes, yes, and yes...in todays society you can bet one of the three got to me, I did not feel like talking...but oh look now I am, of course."

Ahh...you learn something new each day. I didn't know this.

Hmmmm.....

Sunshine, if I read your sitch correctly, you were D'd in 2008. Why would your H be responsible for a tax bill?

If there is some type of debt that you feel he is responsible for per your divorce decree, I would let your L handle getting him to pay that. Please don't torture yourself by allowing him and his gf to treat you poorly anymore. Please. Don't let them think you are pathetic. I'm not saying you are, just thinking what they might be saying. Pull out your pride, Sun. I know it's in there somewhere. Isn't it? Remember, prime cut.

Wow Jack, quite the interesting little tidbit there, huh? Always learning.

It's all in my old posts. : )

Never hid that before still won't.

edit - Karma burn is a bitch.

Sunshine, you dont want to be anyone's backup plan.

Your contacting them is actually creating some fun humor discussion between them. Stop being the brunt of their jokes.

Sunshine,

I know it is confusing when your X tells others he's concerned about you and wants you to be happy, then turns around and treats you like crap. You need need to remember he is putting on a front so he won't look like a complete a**hole.

If you are still expecting him to honor his promise to take care of you after after the D, give it up (if it is not legally enforceable).

Ok, lets see.
First....Braveheart he didnt leave me for HER. She came after the others. But he IS older. Thank You for your encouragement.

Second....JTB yes I suppose I am like your 1st Wife if she did those things. I went over a month without speaking to my xh. I did contact by text about the taxes but got no response. It just seems so stupid that we cant communicate when we have to. His anger for me is still there. I think some of it has to do with the ow not wanting him to talk to me. She is young, she doesnt understand and doesnt care. She doesnt contact her xh so she says. But they were only married 3 years I think. 20 years is alot. Jack, my xh has said the same thing. It's always what I want. I thought I was giving him time to miss me by not contacting him unless it was necessary. BUT Jack, he is getting married, so I think well theres no hope left so it doesnt matter. If I need to contact him for something important than I will try. Most of the time its just leaving him a voicemail. He doesnt take my calls. Your input on this please.

Third....Kimmie its an old debt.

Fourth....SoConfused, I didnt have my own L. All I did was sign the divorce paper. Yea, it was a mistake on my part. I believed everything he said.

Fifth....Kerry, yep I know I am. OW has called me pathetic.

Sixth....Ana I have give up that hope. My son and I are having a hard time with stuff like buying his shoes and summer clothes. I figured he was his father and he would help. It Hurts. Thank GOD my son is older and not younger.

I did call him again today and leave him a message to please talk to our son about getting a job and asked him to give son some money for clothes and such. Probably a mistake, but what else am I suppose to do, the man IS his father. Doesnt father's do this for their children.
I know some divorced couples and they do NOT have this problem, why do I?

My input.

Lewis, it seems like all I do is tear you down. Its not my intent.

Bear a couple of things in mind.

They don't want you in their life. It is not just her. She is not controling him in this, she is not some evil witch who put a spell on him. And why would you write she doesn't contact her XH, so she says Do you find it so hard to understand that when some people are done they are done? I believe her, and in fact since I believe her I understand better why she and he are getting more and more upset with you. She doesn't understand why you aren't done.

They don't want you in their life, not as a friend, not as anything. And it doesn't matter what you want, you're not going to convince them otherwise.

A month is a long time to you, it isn't a long time for them, and now since you broke down and had to contact him, yesterday you have done so again today. Lewis they are going to change their phone numbers or block your number. And then what are you going to do in an emergency? Bitch about them not taking your calls?

Your son is 18...your xh isn't responsible for his welfare anymore. That kind of sucks to say, but really? 18 years old he isn't a kid anymore, if an 18 year old is treated like a child, then...he is going to be handicapped in life and becoming a man.

Don't father's do this for their children? Yes. But I'm not going to supply my grown son money if he isn't working or going to school. I'll throw money his way to help him make ends meet, but only if he is trying to make ends meet. Or if I am still responsible for him.