Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done I am still here and I need some HELP

Hi,

I am also a Tom btw..

I think that this says it all for the moment ? What do you think ?

Detachment is a key here. I have caught myself up on your sitch and I was wondering what you are doing for YOU ? The constant contact with having kids is something that is really hard to handle sometimes. I have 3 like that.

Hang in there.. You seem like you are a really good guy.

Tom

Hello AT,
I had a look at some of your posts as well. Hey, I live in Toronto. My parents are from Ohio.
As far as me...I am working on building a business. I have worked so hard to improve myself over the last year and a half. I have worked so hard to show my ex how much I care. It just feels wrong to walk away and detach from her but I guess I have too. We have contact at least 5 times a day.
Today I am going to my kids fun fair at school. We are the only divorced parents there.My ex is from a wealthy family so from the day this has happened she has filled her life with fun activites.
I just wish this would go away. If we did not have kids then I would never see her again. The daily reminder that "I am not good enough" is constantly there. She wants me in her life but only as friends.

I too am human like everyone on these boards. I pushed on my ex about why are we not at least talking about anything. We talk to each other everyday yet never talk about us. So yes, I backslide and tried to bring up some current R talk.
She ripped my heart out. She said "yes, we have the same values, similar interests and share our kids together but I have no feelings for love for you at all. It's just platonic. She said because of that she has no interest now or in the future to consider getting back together.

Well....that seems to steer me in the right direction now. I just have to find a way to detach. I guess I really need to try to go dark for myself.

Here is some compassion for all you fathers out there that come home to an empty house after a long week of work. God I would give anything to come home to my family but that is never going to happen.

This is what I had to write to me ex. I HAVE to ry to move on.

When you're warm and affection I start to feel we're getting closer. Then when you draw the line, I get frustrated and hurt and angry.
I don't want to keep putting pressure on you that you don't want, and I don't want to keep torturing myself.
I haven't let go of what we could have, so I can't accept what we have now. I've tried to do it on my own, but I need your help. Please pull back, limit our communications to what they need to be to run our lives and take care of the kids, and eventually, I will go through all the feelings I have to accept you're not in my life that way anymore and move on.
I'm sorry to have to have to ask this of you.
It might feel unnecessarily cold, but I think you'd be doing me a favour.
I know you want to be good friends and co-parents, but I'm not ready for that yet. You'll know when O am really ready. So will I.

So moving on has not worked
My ex and I talk daily, mostly about the kids. We have been out again for tea and it was great. No R talk but I could see she had some feelings behind her eyes. I asked her to go bicycling and she said yes. So here I am trying to regain friendship. Let me tell you this is very hard. I just want to hug her and have her give me some feedback that she too is interested.
Yes, we have had many baby steps but she seems to just be happy how we are getting along as friends.
Last time we saw each other she initiated a hug when were parted.

Any of you WAW out there please help me so that I know what to do. I am entering into another stage with her (friendship)and I need guidance.

It's really hard to not come across as needy.