Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers The adventure continues- part 4

AF,

I wish you didn't have to ask her for squat so that she didn't have the satisfaction of feeling useful to you. Regardless, she's just as responsible for your daughter as you are, so please don't feel like you have to be too nice as if you're asking for some big favor.

If you DO end up a single parent, would your boss (sorry, don't know military lingo) be understanding of you needing to go pick up your daughter? If it's not appropriate for you to require flexibility for these situations, then it is going to be very important that you start meeting local people and making new friends.

If this is a consistent situation... Some people I know have after-school, part-time childcare workers that pick up their kids, take them home, get them fed and doing their homework, and wait until the parent comes home. Good to ask the daycare workers about any services like this. In this economy, daycares are expanding their services. If the daycare doesn't offer it, their workers might want to make extra money on the side, independent of the daycare.

Lucky

Lucky,
Yeah, I asked my D if she knew anyone that could take her home and she said she did. It may be more tricky next year. I guess I'm going to have to play it by ear. I wish I didn't have to ask her for anything either. I so do not like her right now. I really hope she is miserable with her poor decision making(sleeping w/ four men and ruining her family). I'll keep praying. Thanks.

AF - I have ALWAYS had great help after school and in the summer, even though I work from home. My best success has been putting a call into the local community college/university and asking if I could post a BABYSITTER NEEDED sign up somewhere. Everytime I called, I got a grad student, or someone on the phone that would recommend someone. A great department to check into is the international (exchange) student program. Those kids can't make too much money while here, because they're typically scholarshipped, and they LOVE the idea of some quick, easy cash. PLUS, how fun for your D13! We had "Claudia" from Venezuela for two years... spoke five languages, and DARLING. International finance major. We still keep in touch.

Just my two cents if you need help. And, students are cheap!

Thanks everybody for your suggestions. I know I will figure something out. Went to be early last night but still woke up multiple times. I don't understand why I'm still feeling this heartache that I do. I feel like it's started over again. Oh well, I guess I need some time. It's only been a little over a week since I found out about my wife's infidelity. Sure doesn't feel good. Like a dull aching, nagging weight. I actually feel nauseous at times thinking about it. Wish it would go away.

Did you see her last night? Did something happen?

As far as heartache is concerned, I've found it to be a quite a roller coaster. Just when I'm feeling good, I start to head back down again. However, each bad time is a little better than the last, and shorter in duration. Dealing with W's infidelity is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. One of the most painful emotional experiences of my life.

Still, try to keep your head up. Sometimes it helps me to realize how others have much more serious problems, like a very sick child, or facing the loss of their home due to job loss, etc.

Regarding your sleep difficulties, if it's so bad you're having trouble functioning, see your doctor. There's no shame in getting a little help when facing such a crisis.

No, I didn't see her or talk to her. She called and talked to my D. I think it's just fresh in my mind w/ the cofession and then the "moving" back home for 3 hours and the uncertainty of the whole sitch. I think gucciloafer called it right. I am paralyzed by the hope trap.

John, that is perfectly normal -- and more than understandable. It's going to take you some time to process this emotionally. You will have good days when you feel strong and on top of the world, and you will have days when you feel hopeless and beaten down. Eventually, the good ones start to outnumber the bad ones, and you get to a place of acceptance.

Hang in there.

Puppy

It is quite a rollercoaster. I was getting better until I found out about her infidelity last week. And you're right, this is the most painful emotional experience of my life--I certainly hope it doesn't get worse.

Time heals, no matter how many times I use to say to myself, "just quit thinking about it". Sounds so easy, but boy, is it ever hard.

All I can tell you, is that I guarantee you these feelings will not last forever.

Burt