Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Keep backpedaling with DR

Fallgirl, you're fight in that the Love Dare and the LRT are quite a dichotomy. I am truly pulling back from my husband in that I no longer seek any physical attention such as hugs, etc..
I also insisted he move in the basement. I don't call him or text him, I wait for him to contact me. However, I make coffee every AM for myself so I take him a cup. And if I'm going to make dinner for the kids anyway, I'll make sure it's something he likes. I try not to be too obvious. And I've got to tell you, since I've read DR and pulled back, I am pretty damn happy! I know that God forbid---should things fall through, I'll be OKAY> And I didn't know that a month ago. Have fun with that lengerie. I miss sex and wish my hiusband would get his [censored] together!!!

I also tried to apply the Love Dare concepts along with DR. I did complete all 40 days, but the ones I felt were in conflict with the 180/LRT technique I simply journalled about. For example, if H and I were working on our R, here's how I feel I've not trusted him or let him down, etc. But I'm saving my book for a time when H is receptive to the LR challenge. Right now is not that time for me, and it may not be for you either. My two cents.

2inlimbo,
Guess we were on the same page when coming up with our names, no? I appreciate the discussion about Love Dare because I have the Fireproof DVD but haven't had the courage to watch it. Actually got it before the bomb and H refused to watch it with me - now I know why. I'd love to be to the point someday that H and I could do it together. Guess we all would.

You seem to be doing very well in a short period of time. How did you manage to pull back living in the same house? I find it easier to pull back when H is not staying at home (he stays away during week and home on weekends but has been home last 2 weeks and I feel like it's really gotten me backpedaling).

Keep up the good work. Maybe someday we'll both be out of Limbo!

Hey In Limbo, Yes, our names just say it all, don't they? It's easy for me to pull back bc my H is rarely home. Literally, he gets home @ 830 and I'm in bed @ 930. He's up and out the door before me. So it's not too hard to keep it together for an hour. Kids are around which is a distraction.

I'm also in therapy, so that helps. I have just made a decision that I will not let this man make me miserable.

Fireproof DVD is good, but if your husband is resistant to working on the R, it just might make you sad right now. I'd hold off @ the moment. I saw it with my H before the bomb.

Good luck!!!

2inlimbo
I see from your sig that you`re separated. Have you told your kids that? Do your friends and family know?

I wonder about that as we too are living in the same situation as you and while I took off my rings last July and told H we were separating, he has not taken off his.He insists in fact, that he does not want to separate and doesn`t want anyone to know. My friends and family know but really I find this separated-but-not lie difficult to live from an honesty perspective too.

H won`t come to any functions with me so I go alone or with a friend. More of the separated-but-not stuff.

Fallgirl,

We are separated in same house. He in basement, I upstairs. Kids notice, but don't say anything. I think the oldest is afraid to ask, the younger ones oblvious as to what separated Mommy and Daddy could mean.

Things going well til last night. Says I've been interfering with problems of his that are his to solve and I need to stay out of it. Left today without saying goodbye which is atypical for him.

One step forward, three steps back. I have the day off today so I'm going to rest, focus on myself and the kids.

"One step forwards three steps back" Oh, I know that dance! Glad you`ve time to focus on you!

Don`t know what interfering you`ve been doing-if any but it is wiser to step back from their problems. I find it hard not to jump in there-typical Old Me behaviour.

Hope you have a good day!