So, today I faxed my resume to a job I found in the paper. I am already having anxiety over it...Blech! I know I can do it, it's just that it is a "real" job.
I was just like you and always worried if I could really do the job.
I am sure you will be just fine and I wish for you that you will ge the job. It being closer to your home would also mean that you could spend more time at home. (((HUGS)))
Oh, I have no doubt that the forgiveness did not come easily. I have been around these parts for a long time and I remember a lot of the stuff you went through. Sometimes it was just plain horrific.
I needed to thank you for the honesty here because I think that so many of us want the "happily ever after" and we don't realize how difficult things can still be. It's as if everything will be put in a shiny box and tied with a big red ribbon once the WAS decides to come home. Though I am not there, I do see that each step my XH makes towards me brings up a lot of new issues for me to work through. It is just not my style to sugarcoat any of it. I mean, I could post just the positives that I ended my last post with, but the rest of the stuff is what others may take something away from.
Like I said, I know you'll get thru this rough time--- you probably feel a lot differently already than when you vented a bit. I just love the courage you display through all of this.
BND, I hope that in the end you are able to look back and not only be proud of yourself for what you did for your family, but also to be able to say that you were really, truly happy. Not all the time, of course, but as you look at your life overall. I am not saying this in a foreboding kind of way, but as a sincere wish for your life. I do think it is very possible- and like I said, if this is to happen for anyone it would be YOU.
But.. I also know from past experiences, that it has to get better then this!
And in looking back on the past few years there have been so many wonderful positives, and perhaps that is what keeps me going.
I have to stop being so "short sighted" and look at the big picture.
Today my D9 has her big appointment with the endocrynologist. I am actually looking forward to it, as hopefully I will get some of the answers to the reason behind her medical issues.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
