Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I'm ready to wake up now...........

Oh S, you are so hard on yourself. You are weepy because this all sucks. This is not the way we thought our lives would go. And because we suffer from depression and because we love so deeply.

You let go when you let go. There is no special timeline. It has taken me almost two years. And I am not all the way there yet.

But it really helped me to stop trying to figure out my h and what he has done or said. It is what it is. Knowing why wont change it. Because at the end of the day, our h's dont want to be with us now.

You are really not in a place right now to start any kind of relationship. It would just be adding more on your plate. S, take care of you right now and your children and GD.

Do not worry about h and his relationships with his children. His problem. His loss. Really.

Listen, take care to protect yourself financially. Get yourself settled on your new meds. Start to make the house your home.
And limit your contact with your h. Figure out what makes S happy.

Come on. Dig in and get to gettin', my friend.

Hi, {{{{{BM}}}}}

Thanks once again for your encouragement. Yes, I am really battling this depression. Had a C session today. He too is hoping I have better effect from this new med.

C really wants to see me move on, and is cautiously supportive of my friendship with T. He thinks it's helpful for me to open myself a little and explore other possibilities, so long as I don't jump in too deep too fast. I have been very honest with C about my interactions with T and he says that so far it sounds positive, so he thinks it's a good thing.

Had light dinner tonight with sandycay. As you all know, I am not a religeous person, but I sure do thank the fates for sending her to be my friend. (You're a real gem, L!!)

I'm going to go see another Lawyer. I really need some good advice now as the financial things are beginning to get nasty.

Going to go for my nightly cuddles with GD!

Gosh, I was so glad you let me know you made it home. When I got in the news was talking about frozen rain pellets and a thunder storm (now where I'm from that's either called sleet or snow or Hail) heading your way... I knew S was driving.

Oh ... I got to meet her S last night for a few minutes and guess what? He doesn't have horns! LOL..... He's a downright cutie pie. No wonder SC has a hard being hard on the boy!

Yea, we lived it up last night... we closed down Panera's. How was the cinnamon crunch bagel? See why I had an addiction?

OMG- closing down Paneras. You girls are some wild party animals!! LOL I'm no better. : )

Yep, he's a sweetie! The problem is the boy knows it!!!!!




WooHoo!!! That's us.......the GOOD TIME GIRLS!!!

Hey,

I'm sorry for my absence lately. The truth is that I haven't felt like I had anything worthwhile to post.

I'm still really struggling with depression. I guess that's to be expected with the changeover in meds which takes a while to even out. I have a couple OK days and then dip again. Some of it's probably "woman stuff" too [can we say "peri menopause"?].
My emotions are all over the place.

I have basically gone totally dark with H. He makes all contact(via e-mail) and I answer in as few words as possible. He has moved in with the new OW, and is not going to be attending D24's wedding (they are tieing the knot in front of a judge on the 15th). H apparently has a conference call that day so can't make it. D24 says he tried to get her to change the date, but she refused.

I had a meltdown with the kids tonight. There is still un-packing to do and S18 and D24 are here all day and not working and yet they think it's OK to give me guff because they were waiting for me to "help". Every time H is in the house, I hear from him about how much of a sty it is and that the kids just take advantage of me, and it's true that they often do. So, S18 is not in the house tonight, and I've suspended his cell phone.

I know that every time H comes over, he sees more reason why he walked away. There's so much work that needs done here......it's like this house represents the shambles our whole family has become in his eyes. The only 180 I can do that he would appreciate would be to kick everybody out of the house and take all pets to the pound. But, I can't do that. I won't do that. My kids and GD are the light of my life (even when they drive me nuts!).

I think I'm coming to the decision that I don't want my marriage restored anymore. I don't think I could ever get over this, or trust H again, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't ask anyway. I could almost understand the affair with the secretary, but the way that he has behaved since that came out shows me that he does not have the moral values that thought he had. And I don't think that will ever change, and even if it did, how could I ever trust it? He used to tell me that even though he didn't show it very well, the feelings were there, and I believed him. Now he says he was lieing (to himself and me). I don't have it in me anymore to just believe him.

And my C has been talking with me a lot about what it says about my self worth to still be wanting this man back after what he has done........

It's really all moot anyway, because I know he is not coming back. He won't ever look back.....at least not that I will ever know of. Coming to terms and accepting that I thought would give me a sense of freedom.......but it doesn't. I just feel so very sad.

Of course, I'm hoping that when my meds get all figured out, I'll feel a whole lot better!!

Oh, and I went on a real date last Friday, with T (the guy from the dating site). He is very sweet and funny. I don't know if I'm even capable of major "sparks" at this point, but I have been honest with him and he with me, and he still wants to see me again, so it's a positive thing I think.

See.....not much worth writing......just more of the same mostly.......I really hoped I would be further emotionally at this stage of the game.........annoyed at myself a LOT!!

I'm going to go cuddle with my GD.

Hang in there SC. I know just how you feel. At least your h is emailing you. Mine dont even want communication of any kind with me. NOTHING, ZIP.
I have thought about a dating site, even though most say I shouldnt think about dating right now. The truth is I just want to make sure, I think, that I still have it.lol
What site did you use and how did it work?

((((((HUGS))))))
Renee

Hi, Renee!

Are you on the alternate universe? (FB). If so, look me up using "schrldr". If not, get signed up and then look me up! I don't think the mediators would be OK with talking about dating sites here......

((((((hugs))))))

My DB friends.

I am so very confused right now. So many conflicting thoughts and feelings screaming inside me. I don't know what to do, if anything. Following is the chain of events.....



Note: My stepdad is an employee of H's. They have helped with stuff at the dream house many times.



I debated including the part about swimming with GD. I have kept what few communcations I've had in response to his e-mails down to absolute bare necessities (one word answers if possible). I didn't want to come off as trying to make him feel guilty. But I also want him to see that he is missing something very special.



Note, the Friday D24 is getting married, H had plans to go up to dream house......probably taking OW he now lives with with him. He told D24 he also had conference call planned that day....but now he seems to be trying to re-arrange.



S18 and I had C this afternoon. Came home and am getting things together for my appointment with new lawyer tomorrow. This one handles both bankruptcy and family law so I am hoping to get a better handle on things. But, I so hate that it's come to this.....

Then, D24 hands me a card she got today from H.......



My D24 told me she doesn't know what to think about it......I told her she needs to think that her father really does love her and appreciate the fact that he cared enough to get that card and send it in time for Mothers day, and how hard we know it is for him to do this kind of thing.

The man that sent that card is the man that I have loved for the past 28 years of my life. It hurts unbearably to know that that man is still inside him and yet lost to me! I miss him so very very much. I really hope I can keep it together if he is able to make it to the wedding. I told D24 to not make a big deal out of it if he comes, but to just hug him and tell him she's glad he's there.

Honey, I know how hard this is, it just breaks your heart, doesn't it? We are both with these men for such a long time and love so deeply and unconditionally.

I do not think you should do anything. Try really hard to limit those personal emails. Keep them short. Making him feel guilty is not good for you or your sitch. He will see it and blame you for it.

He knows what he is missing out on. He does. Let him be. He needs to work through all this himself.

We never know what the future holds. This is a journey that was necessary.

You will be ok. Basic dbing now - focus on you, not him, GAL, PMA. Come on now, you could do this.