Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers The adventure continues--part 3

All is fair in love and war. I can't really blame you for your revenge plot, even though it isn't "good energy".

I'm sure that A's are so rampant in the military, that they have to turn a blind eye else they'd lose a lot of good people.

Maybe you can focus on scheduling some things to help keep you busy and occupied this week? Talk to an attorney, but also do some fun stuff with your daughter?? Movies are great escapes, too. Heck, go see every one that's out just so you'll be in a dark place with your cell phone off!

Hang in there.

Lucky

At this point, this is not revenge. I look at this as taking care of my daughter. Why would I in my right mind allow my daugther to be exposed to a woman that has these kind of morals. If she chooses divorce, I have no reason to believe that this behavior will cease, none.



I've been in the military almost 22 years now and yes there are some but not as rampant as you would think. There are actually more moral people than you think.

My daughter and I went out to eat last night. My wife told me that she had cheese toast. Ironic isn't it? What she's giving up to do this?

Mindblank,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I certainly don't feel like a rock. It is taking every ounce of strength I have in my body to function each day. I have never ever been this miserable.



I agree with this. I think she has already lost part of her. I get to see this on a daily basis and it is oh so very heartbreaking to watch. Stuff that she should be sharing with her mother she is forced to share with me.

That was super painful to write.

AFWAW - I feel ya!

My D17's Dad and I divorced when she was three. My H and I have been married 13 years, and, ironically, my H is her FAVE. I'm probably who she's closest to, but he is definitely her FAVE, mostly because he is just plain more fun (to her). She hasn't seen her Dad (except for 10 minutes) for almost three years, after being with him every other weekend, and Wednesday nights, growing up. Now, they were NEVER close, and she ALWAYS just wanted to be HOME, during his visitation, however, there was a relationship. Funny, once she got in high school, and had more of a mind of her own, and was nearing an age where she could make a decision regarding where she wanted to be when, he did nothing but push her away. Nice one minute, supportive, etc... NASTY, hurling insults, and barraging her the next. I forced her to see him a few times (so he would stop calling the police, trying to force her to see him - didn't work btw... police said they couldn't force her to do anything), and she drove there a week after she turned 16, in her new wheels (pale yellow convertible bug!), and she was calling me within 10 minutes in tears, and gone. I told her I'd never force her to see him again, and I haven't. She's almost 18 now.

These kids DO get incredibly hurt by parents who are not emotionally centered, strong, and thinking in their best interest. She is NOT a happy teen. She lives on the edge (as far as I'll let her get to the edge!), seems happy and carefree to all. However, she's quick to become Super Brat to me, as I'm sure she blames me for her pain from her Dad (to some degree), AND I'm the main disciplinarian. And, has real issues with being productive and responsible (somewhat typical teen though). Onward and upward! She's off to college in the Fall... I'm hoping the time away will heal, and help her grow.

Keep centered on D13. Really. Girls are hard enough (!), without rejection from a parent!

AFWAW,

Do you want her back because she chooses you or because she's talked into it by her mom, worried about her future, or hates eating cheese toast? Probably if you ask any newcomer they want their spouse back regardless of the reason. I don't think that guilt, fear of the unknown future, or lack of anything better is a long-term solution. Focus on you. Take Puppies advice and use the next three days to keep working on making your life as good as possible as though she's never coming back. She needs time.

I want her back because I love her and want to rebuild my marriage. I don't want her coming back if she doesn't want to. I don't think she is worried about her future and the part of her eating cheese toast shouldn't have made me feel better but it did. It is hard to work on me right now. It really is. I am trying albiet the most difficult time in my life. I really don't know how folks get through this but I am willing to give it my all.

If you love her and value your relationship enough, then put everything you have into it. We're pullin' for you.

I know it's hard, but try giving her someone that she wants to come back to. If she came back today, you wouldn't be ready. You need to be happy and comfortable without her. Being the reason for your happiness would be too difficult for anyone.

Maybe, maybe.

Well no contact today so far. Went to lunch with a buddy and saw her car at her work going on coming from lunch. Am I obsessed or what? Ugh, I can't get it out of my mind. Part of me wishes I didn't know the truth. The other part of me wonders what the hell I'm going to do. We had a good life together. She went out and made a concious decision to do this over and over again. I'm so exhausted right now, I can't think straight.

Well, no contact at all today from the wife. Wait, she sent an email. Great, apparently she's too ashamed to call? Here's part of the email:

Thank you for being there for me. I can't believe I've let my shambles of a life come to this. You called our daughter your little rock, but you're mine. You are so forgiving and kind. I wish I could snap out of this funk. I can't imagine if I came back how I would ever earn your forgiveness or your trust again.

She also says she doesn't want to move away from this area? I don't know about that. I think it would be easier if she were to come home to start fresh somewhere new. Thought on this one?

I did email her back and said:
I meant what I said about forgiving you. I won't hold it over your head. You don't have to imagine it, you just have to believe it. I know that this is not easy for you but you have the option to try. Take it. Come home and we can work on this
together. Please carefully consider what you are doing and what you are saying. I love you and care about you and know that you are about to either make one of the best or one of the worst decisions in your life! Know that I am rooting for you. Know and believe that this is NOT unfixable.

Ok, I know I'm going to get bashed for that but hey, bash away. At this point, I think she's on the fence. She's admitted it and can't seem to believe that she has an option. I am feeling awfully vindictive today as well. I hope that when the time is right I don't do something I will regret. I am still contemplating calling someone. We'll see. I'll think about it.

So, while the email was slightly pursuing, she knows there is a door available here if she wants to take it. Only God knows if she will take it.

So, thoughts at this point? I'm all ears. You guys have been my rock.