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Good, you know what you need to know.



All well and good, that's natural, but put it in the back of mind as best as possible, that hoping only leads to the expectation.

I know why she left me...it was my doing. I have shouldered that. She is just now starting to vent her anger and rage at me. It's a rough go. But she had a rough go with me for a long time!

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to give our marriage the chance it deserves.

Then all you can do now is listen to her vent, take in what she's saying and validate it, not agree, but validate, and no matter what, do not try and add your 2 cents (hard as it may be).

Oh, I guess the point I was trying to get to here was that the look on her face was because i didn't blow up as she had expected as I would have before. Thus, I've demonstrated my change. But most importantnly not only do I feel good that I've changed, but the look on her face screamed "what the hell is going on with him, this wasn't what I expected?"

Keep it up!

Thanks antlers. (any particular meaning behind that name?)

How are things?

Yep. I'm a hunter.

Things are pretty rough, man. I'm sure you can relate. I'm working on myself, reading, studying, trying to learn more, and trying to improve the relationships between our kids and myself. I'm committed and hopeful, even as bad as things look right now.

How're you?

This is what I'm doing. I'm eating a lot of crap...I don't like the taste. But I sure dished out a lot of crap myself over the years...TONS of it.

THAT'S NOT VALIDATING!!!!!

To her it's NOT "CRAP", I can not stress that enough. If you think what she says now is "crap", buddy, you might as well pack your bags now because later on when she reaches out for you in an attempt to do what you so hope for, guess what, you're going to think that's "crap" too and let your chance blow right on by!

There is reason in her mind to say what she is saying. You need to just listen to what she says and try and understand why and if you can't just go along with it and figure it out later. That is validating.

That said and in conjunction with your first reply, don't make this a 24/7 endeavor and rush it. Devote some 'R & R' time to get your mind off things for a bit. Even if you figure all problems out and make those corrections in a week (which is impossible anyway), guess what? It will mean nothing until she is ready. So if you're hunter than you've also got a be a hands on do-it-yourselfer as well and know the motto, if you're going to something, do it right the first time.