Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Rough and Ugly Four Months going on LIfe

Fix,

I will also add that this may be one of the problems. Speaking for myself, I ended up taking a job that was well beneath my abilities and convinced myself it was okay because it was going to be a step to something better. Well the better never panned out. i got down on myself and lost my self esteem and then began to take it out on everyone around me. My wif started to resent me and I started to resent the fact that she didn't respect me. Down, down down into the rabbit hole!!!!! Ugly, ugly, Ugly all because I wasn't happy or proud of where I was in life.

I don't know why your husband stays at home but I do know that sometimes there are things we think we can handle whenthe truth is our nature will not let us. This is one reason an employer will not hire an over qualified person, because no matter how much the person wants the job the hiring manager knows he/she will become bored and dicontented. Then two things happen - they quit for a better job or even worse they start to erode the moral of everyone else.

Just my two cents.

You know you put smiles on my face?

Yea it is tough. One of my problems was not understanding why she didn't appreciate all that I did for her. It is funny now. She said the other night that she just felt that I made her do everything - pay the mortgage, take care of our daughter all the time. I let that one fly by but WOW!!!!

I really don't understand that perception. My daughter once looked up at me and said, "I asked mommy and she says she just loves you as a friend. I know why. Because you were never around to help mom take care of me" Zinger!!!!!!

Last night I was going through daughter's school backpack and asked about something that has been in there way too long! She said that mom never looks in there. Your the only one that pays attention to my backpack. Mom just spends all night watching TV and on her cell phone.

ARGh!!!!!! You know it was like that when we were married and I really didn't mind. But why does my daughter have to pay the price for this and heaven forbid she grows up to be like her mom.

(in all fairness - wife's mom died when she was 9, step mother came out of a Disney flick (not a compliment), and dad pretty much ignored her once he remarried)

(plus she is too focused on her career. Talk about role reversals it would make a good comedy if I wasn't friggin living it)

My daughter...everyones kids...deserves better!!!!!!!!!

Ah, well, I'm pretty sarcastic at heart - just haven't been on these boards!!

Your job scenario, about it not panning out like you thought. Same place my H was at when he left & still is at. I think, pride with men, affects them much more than we women realize.

Yes & sometimes history reinvents itself on these boards. Your W is just pulling out everything she can think of to make it "ok" for her to leave. Guilt will be hitting her, if it hasn't already.

Good venting - good topics!

goingtofixME,

I hope I did not offend you?

MsM,

This last week has been great. Having a chance to talk to my wife and let her know how I felt about things really relieved a big burden.

Just thinking,

I still find myself feeling down when I futurize my life. I am convinced my wife wants to live a lifestyle of dinner parties, weekend trips, and brunches on weekends..... all the things people can do that have - no kids.

I know she loves our daughter but she also is stressed by an eight year old and wants out of that as much as our marriage.

The difference is that she wants the cocktail or dinner party life style while I want the backyard barbecue lifestyle.

Don't get me wrong, time away from my daughter can be peaceful but given a choice I take the hectic! And if I ended back with my wife we would have to manage our time better to get that intimate time. But I really enjoy being around my daughter and the stress doen't have the same effect on me.

[Realality Check - in all fairness to my wife, my daughter can get me going also but not to the same level. Not enough to want to change my life]

So I start to worry about not meeting someone who who has the qualities that I like. I worry about age (46) and not meeting someone else. I worry about not having someone to be intimate with who will accept my daughter.

I want to be a better person, one who can be comfortable without needing someone around them..but I don't want to go through life wihtout someone.

I look around at other couples that are married after divorce and know it will probablly happen. I just don't have that passion yet. I wish she would have divorce me when I was 35 instead LOL!

Those are my struggles now.

Musing...

I counted my books on the shelf yesterday. I have over 100 books and have probably read another 100 but not once in my life did I read a book about relationships....or parenting....until now.... IRONIC!

Still need to work on my approach to talking to someone. I dropped my daughter off last night and told my wife some info about two things in her bags. A post card and another gift that we bought in Disney for her cousin. I said there should be envelopes in the office to mail it. She said you don't need an envelope to mail a post card. I shot back a little short that you do for the pen.

Problem: she doesn't pay attention to what I say. I get short because she doesn't pay attention.

Getting better because I wasn't really nasty but I still realized I did it afterword. How do you stop those old habits.

I am happy that I at least recognize now when I do it but how do you stop it?

Well, realizing those habits is the first step to stopping or curbing them. I can say the same thing about books. Hadn't read one in years ... the past year or so, I've read at least 20. Did you ever read The Relationship Cure? I read it, it was very good. The focus on the book is how to talk/communicate correctly in "all" your relationships (with kids, family, spouse, co-workers, friends). The parent/child part was so good.

I'll check that one out. Thanks