Vicky--that's wonderful! He's facing consequences now instead of cake-eating. Keep up the good work!!! You must feel so good about yourself right now, and should! Karen
YEAH!! Doesn't it empower you to take some control back of your life? I am sure he notices as well.
Keep it up.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
So I haven't gotten a chance to log in this weekend which is great because it meant that I was busy GALing and enjoying my life. Had a good weekend. First on Friday, I weighed in at weight watchers and I lost 2.6lbs, a total of over 5 lbs. Yippee. I was so happy. Friday night I walked the city and did some shopping. Saturday the weather was great. I walked in the morning and did some work at our bldg and then hanged out with my mom for a bit. Then Sat night I went to a nightclub with my girlfriend. So gotta give you guys an update about my crazy H...
So on Sat night H and I also had a rental at our place and H goes after the function to close up and clean up a bit. So while was out with my girlfriend he texted me that all is well. I didn't get the text til an hour later around 2:30am. I texted him back thx for letting me know so I don't have to worry (h never texts me when he takes care of the place so it was really nice that he did). Anyway, so apparently he called the house ph after b/c I could tell on the caller ID but then he called my cell and I missed the call and he text me r u home? Since I wanted to send H the message that I'm happying and enjoyning my life I went to the bathroom in the club and called him back. He heard the music in the background. I was trying to just give a quick call but he then asked where am I, and who I'm with. I said I'm out with a friend and then he said you can tell me if you're on a date, I don't care. But I said no I'm not I'm just having a good time and I told him which friend I was with. He said he didn't believe me but I was probably on a date. I wasn't getting into that convo too long so I him gotta go and he should "go home to his woman". I didn't say it angrily though, just matter of fact.
So, and this is the funny part, H texted me back, "I don't have a woman I have a wife." Me: no response. H: I do appreciate you, ok. me no response. H (45 minutes later): I would like u to leave at 4. (4am that is) Me: no response, even til now Sunday night at 10:30.
Isn't he too funny? Where the hell did the I do appreciate you come from. I was cracking up because I think H is full of himself. Until he moves from living with OW there is really nothing he could say that will convince me now. I need actions. And the last text he sent. Is he out of his mind. He is crawling into his little basement hole with OW and then wants to dictate when I stop having fun.
I gotta say my behavior now is a lot more empowering than waiting on H and giving him all that power. And the goodthing is that I am actually not doing any of this to get to H. When I started DB I would not call H but would wait to see when he will call, but now I'm just trying to live and enjoy my life and not to have H keep hurting me.
So all's well on my end. Will keep you guys posted and thanks for all the support. Before DB I handled my sitation very differently.
Perfect!!! Couldn't have done any better on that! I love the fact that you let him know you were having a good time without him, and were even honest that you weren't on a date, but his mind convinced him otherwise. Sounds like you had a great weekend too. And your PMA is going to keep going up and up with you new attitude too. Karen
He's looking at you differently now, Vicky, and that's all because of you! He's finally starting to think about what he is doing and what is happening. And, I'm impressed at how you realize that he needs to show ACTIONS. So many people have so many ups and downs because they don't realize this. Keep doing what you are doing.
Thanks guys. I do hope I keep it up because it feels much better this way than I felt before. And really I actually have been thinking that its about time H loses me, or at least feels it... I've taken tons of crap from him. And he has enjoyed it all without feeling any penalties. And really human beings do right only only when there are consequences that they would face, right. Imagine if jail/punishment wasn't an option, how many people wouldn't commit murder if there was no punishment. I think that's why infedility is so prevalent -- no penalty/punishment for it.
And right now I can't afford a divorce legally so I just have to divorce his a-s emotionally. So I'm living and living and living.
This morning he went through my mind and I was actually tempted to call him but I didn't. Figured, why bother, let him squirm anyway. Will keep you guys posted.
Pup: I've been thinking alot too about something you wrote in one of your posts. "WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US." Thanks for that.
Pup: I've been thinking alot too about something you wrote in one of your posts. "WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US." Thanks for that.
Yeah, I in turn stole that from someone else, and it really hit me hard in the gut. It's SO true.
In the SHORT term, yeah, you don't really have to "own" someone else's behavior towards you. But over time? In the long run? We kinda get what we, um, "deserve" is the wrong word . . . "enable" perhaps?
