Well, thanks guys! Wow, still processing, but what a strange time in my life. Neaj.. the Piscean fankly seemed more depressive and less good company than the Leo !! He cried several times, seemed quite down, or messed up about his Dads death lately, is nearly estranged from his brother and mum apart from emailing, etc. Sounds bad, but he was lovely, sweet, yes the old magic was there.. my stomach flipped, he sat me on his lap, stroked my hair, kissed my face, gave me a back massage (!) for a bit as I have such a bad back right now and he's very good with his hands (artist! lol, that was his excuse).. but I just couldnt, cant analyse it, but just couldnt, it just wasnt an option. I guess because I am in love with my ex still.
Listening to him.. the old doubts crept in..our musical tastes are very different and lifestyles...and he talked about himself alot despite saying I was the love of his life (well then, wouldnt he want to get to know ME?). To be honest, he was the very picture of what NOT to do, like anti-dbing, when trying to win back your ex.. so much so, it gave me massive insight on the dynamics between me and my current ex, what not to do and how it makes you feel in yuor body when someone puts too much of their own emotion on you (makes you want to fly out the door and breathe in the air).
So.. I met my ex.. i was right, the paperwork was just a ruse! (he's so transparent).. he didnt even get it out of his pocket! Offered after a brief discussion (less than a minute) to just go ahead and sign it himself and then changed the subject!! We met at 8 and his cousin, brother, mf and oldest BMF turned up around 9 (all looked surprised to see me!!) so he had arranged it that way, so that we would have an hour together first. This was the same old 'gang' he took me out with last summer, so thats strange but maybe its like a cover, makes it 'ok', so he can see me without it being 1 on 1?
I had a wonderful evening, chatted, laughed, old haunts, injokes, like we'd never been apart.. he was a bit 'cool' in front of them around me but less so as it got later. I think he is still with her. When it came to leave at 2am (!) I was driving.. so we went out to the car and he just said to his brother.. see you tommorow and left him to walk home !! (the same direction we were headed!).. so he wanted time alone with me in the car, but he faux yawned, so I knew he just wanted 5 minutes (neither of us cried this time, but close to it). In the end, we sat outside his Mums and hugged mainly, for 15 minutes, we talked a bit too and this time, we held hands the whole time and at one point, naturally linked fingers (which felt lovely).. he hugged me alot and we both ended up doing heavy breathing (lol!) and I could feel he was a ball of emotion.
He said - sorry I am being so rubbish Al.. as he was hugging me, with his head buried in my neck.. I think I said, would it help if I told yuo I am always here for you? He said yes, and thanks and hugged me more and squeezed me hard and rubbed my back. I said at one point, I'm sorry I wish I could find the words ..he said no, you have...you have really helped..
He then looked me in the eye and said nicely, with no drama...I just need some more thinking time.
So thats where we are at I guess. I said to him, thats fine.. sat back and said..ok, thats fine, just do whats best for you.. put yourself first.. he thanked me again (dear god, I have to be such the bigger person, I am practically Geoff Capes).
He told me.. its been good to get away, its been good to be here actually.. well, not here (meaning at his Mums)..well you know, I said, I know what yuo mean, its been good to get some space.. he said yes, it has been and hugged me again for ages, I kissed his neck and then our faces were nearly touching and I felt he was going to kiss me, but I just kissed his face and he promised several times to call me later in the week (! jeez).
Standing back from all of this... my ex ex has overwhelmed me and it was too much too soon and now I feel the responsibility of his happiness and that I might 'ruin' his life and upset him terribly if I turn him down. BUT.. I am still in love with my ex, more so than ever and had a wonderful evening. Contact with him has increased and I have seen him 3 times in a week and he has called me 4 times and texted and said he will call me later this week too. He is still with Helen.. but at least he is now explicitily verbalising that he is in "thinking mode". So, which way will the decision go !? One of the last things he said thuogh was "I dont feel very manly, or decisive, or emphatic".. so, he hasnt yet decided.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
This is such an interesting time in your life, and as an observer, very exciting too (although I can imagine it's maybe not that exciting to actually live it).
I'm glad contact with BF has increased, and that he knows he has some thinking to do. That he is verbalising that seems a good thing to me. If only he'd speed it up and do what we all know he SHOULD do!
How are you feeling about things? Do you feel like continuing with being patient and Geoff Capes-ish? It must be frustrating to be so close to a turning point and yet not quite there.
Hi Ali, I guess I better stick to my day job and give up on my romantic novels--lol I certainly never got this from your post
Quote:
Neaj.. the Piscean fankly seemed more depressive and less good company than the Leo !!
that quite suprized me.
Any chance of an xxx turning up who hasn't got depressive tendencies or is that the type you go for, not depressed people per sae but perhaps they have a more vunerable and sensitive side that attracts you in the first place. Just a thought.
.. I forgot to say, I got a text message at 9am this morning from the Pisceam, sadly, I didnt quite know how to answer, but I did, as neutral but caring as I could. It said: "Hello you, the urge to text was far too strong! I just had to say, thanks for finding me...amazing woman you are! Feel very inside - out today in a nice way. Going to the workshop today to try and be constructive! Hope you are ok? Wow, what a strange fruit life is! Take care, A x"
.. so sad, I feel bad.. I dont know how I feel other than, I should have left it alone.. but he said he had googled me and found me and bearly called me a few months ago (as I nearly went looking for him at Christmas), so guess we would have met up anyway. Kalni, I think you are right, it did seem too much, like I am the 'answer', but I also dont doubt that as he said, I am the love of his life.
So many revelations that day we talked though.. how he only got engaged to a girl because he was lonely and heartbroken over me and she loved him and filled a hole... I said, but I shouted and cried for 3 hours when yuo came to tell me! He said I know, I rememebr, but you didnt tell me you wanted me back !! Crazy. And we were talking about this 15 years later.. so many answers, so MANY wrong assumptions on both sides (like he had NEVER thought of being unfaithful to me, whereas I had thought he had been). Just intersting, that this stuff can take years to unravel, but the truth will out.. it always does.
.. anyway, thats a wierd one, I feel sad about it. I thikn we missed the boat.
Hey Naej.. no its not that, I'm a sensitive, intuitive Piscean, people tell me all kinds of things, I get to see behind the mask (an astrologer once described me as "a detective") -whether I want to or not. Its not that people are overtly depressed, but I see it. My ex was laughing and joking but his answers to some questions were quite half hearted but his freinds didnt notice, whereas I picked up the sadness in his voice. Both these guys are amazing men and a 'catch', but yes, both very emotional, sensitive types I guess.. prone to crying! All my bf's have been criers. Kalni reckons its something I do to them, hahaha !
Hey Lisa.. yes, it is exciting, but someones going to get hurt hey. There are two many people to go around in this sitch ! I'm defo happy to keep waiting and giving him space, I think he is inching his way along and finally getting somewhere. SO...
EXCITING NEWS FLASH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His oldest BMF (who I saw last night)..wife, J, just called me. She has been with my ex all day and her H, BMF. She took the chance to talk to him and then left and called me straight away (bless her!). This is the convo...
J - So.. hows it going then? ex - ohh.. (grunts alot) you dont want to know J - Well, hows it going with Al? How do you feel about her? Do you love her, or dont you love her? ex - I love her (no hesitation in his answer) J - Well, if you love her, dont you thikn you should sort it out then? ex - I know, I know J - Al realises things werent right before, but she's changed and she wouldnt be that person anymore, dont you think she deserves a second chance? ex - I dont know.. I dont know (confused) J - But.. if you love her and you want to have a child with her (Christ, not putting too much pressure on him there J !!!!!!!), then dont you thkn you should sort it out sooner rather than later?? Time isnt on your side and theres no point hanging around ex - I know, no, you're right, you're right.. J - Well whats stopping you? Hows it going with Helen? ex - urrghhh...(pulls face) J - Well are you two still an item? ex - No, not really J - well then, you should sort it out with Al then ex - you're right, I know you're right
SO....
HE LOVES ME !!! Thats a new one. I got the full IDLYA when he left.
Also.. him and Helen arent really an item !! This is BMF W and ex has known her 15 years and used to talk to her alot, so he would be honest with her. She is so kind pinning him down like that and then phoning me! I'm not expecing him to do anything about this though, he is still obviously undecided.
I think there was a bit more to the above, but she summed it up as, she really feels he wants to get back with me and that Helen is not the issue at all. She was very excited, bless her.
Wow, ALL our friends and family, his and mine have been SO supportive all along, no let up.. 17 months later they are still plugging away trying to get us back together. Everyone was so shocked when we split up (as I was). I feel very blessed.
So after hearing this, I texted him to thank him for last night and made some funny remark.. and he texted straight back! Funny too but said, hope you are ok... so I replied with another wittiscism and said, have a good night with BMF.
Apologies for long post, my sitch is turning into a bit of a chick-lit sitch, lol !!! Anyway.. ex had said he would call me later in the week.. Venus goes direct in Pisces on Friday.. should be 'my' time.
Wow, this is all to much! I am out of breath just reading and you are living it. can I just digress for a mo, this is about me really. I have loved basically 3 men in my life, 2 from the long distant past as was my x but I choose him. One of the others recently reappeared in my life he too is a Piscean, we had an instant connection as though 40 years had not come between us---is that normal? The other was a Scopio he asked my sister to pass on his number to me recently too, he made her promise that she would-funny thing was I have kept it these past eons----is that normal. The 3rd love I married and had the 40 years with and he has disappeared into the ether never to be heard of again. A capricorn. Now then did I choose wrongly or what sign would have been my best bet?
Sorry ladies but if I didn't voice this now I never would. Now I will let you get back to Ali and her tale of two men. Thankyou. In case you don't know I am a cancerian.
Wow Neaj.. well, Venus is retrograding, so supposed to bring past loves back.. and you had TWO.. wow! Yes its normal.. there was a lot of discussion on my thread before about soulmates.. lots of people say they have met their 'soulmate' or 'twin flame' when in fact they havent. If you are happy to let them go, to fly, you still love them, are happy for them, want them to be happy, but no matter if 1 month, 1 year, 10 or even 40 years goes by and the feelings arise immediately.. then that is a soulmate. My Piscean ex told me a story of someone who remet a childhood sweetheart from 35 years ago and they are now together, how she told him she had to wait 35 yers for this guy and he said, if thats what I have to do, so be it. I was so stunned, I didnt say anything! I feel the same though, wierdly, about him.. but I said.. our timing is off.
As for you.. I would see them both.. arrange to meet for lunch or coffee.. why not??? What do you have to lose? NOTHING ! And, the onyl way to really see.. is to meet with them and see how it makes you feel.. I got to meet my two soulmates on the same day and the choice was then clear.. at least at this time in my life.
So why... if the Scorpio passed on your number, did you not call ????
Thank you Ali, I did meet the Piscean, instant fireworks but slight problem of a wife!!! that he married on the rebound from me, and yet he is still there. They have a working partnership? but not much love... goodbye Mr Piscean. Sigh. Bad timing I guess. I guess I still love the invisible man out in the ether. As for Mr Scopio, I didn't call because I guess I am scared. This wall I built around me, my shell, my armour wont take any more knocks. So I opt for the solitary life. He was also the only b/f I had who ended it. Sigh again. He was married last I heard but that was many years ago, my sister didn't know if he still was. She didn't know him but happened to come across him during a business matter and he recognised her name and asked if she was my sister. So back to you and your more adventurous and outgoing happenings. You seem to have made your choice so what happens now to the May prediction does it still stand.
