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Hi Antlers,

I am in the same boat as you, seperated and she only communicates with me either about the children or about the quick divorce she wants. I never knew the bomb was going to be dropped, but reading Michelle's WAW piece made complete sense. Unfortunately, the last paragraph does not help as my wife never wanted counselling, it was quickdivorce.com. She trys to pick an argument but I do not rise to it, so she then changes tack and runs me down for all my past transgressions which are the same as yours - emotional neglect, unloving, selfish which I validated. She also believes I never loved her, but again I not rise to the bait. This is as tough as anything I have ever known, I am trying to lovingly detach, but she called me today to tell me she is buying a mobile phone for my daughter so that if I want to talk to her or my son I do not have to ring her mobile, as she sais we will only get on each others nerves if either of us has had a bad day. The fact is...she is detaching from ME to the point where she does not even wish to converse on the phone.

I hope your sitch does not get to this point as our relationship seems to be slipping further away.

They can't heal if we are around, and that means talking on the phone and even texting too! Try to not get too discouraged...I know that's hard. They have to detatch from us so they can begin to process the TONS of emotions that they have to deal with. It ain't over, man! Stay committed to your wife and your marriage...if you really feel that way. It's not being naive either...it's being committed. You're separated...you're not divorced! We don't have any communication except that regarding the kids. We don't even physically 'see' each other. Patience, patience, and then some more patience. We have to work on ourselves first and foremost...learn to be better men, fathers, and husbands...regardless! This we MUST do!

Hi there antlers

Thats a good post-above...thanks...

Best -GFI

Hi back!

It's so out of the ordinary nowadays to have this kind of attitude...isn't it? Divorce is so commonplace and accepted as 'the norm' nowadays that people think we're not being realistic; that we're being 'naive' to have this kind of attitude. I feel like I made a covenant with God regarding our marriage and I'm gonna stick to it. It only takes one person to change a relationship. If one person changes...then the relationship 'has to' change. That's the dynamics of it! It's a fact!

I'm with you on this-"It's so out of the ordinary nowadays to have this kind of attitude...isn't it? "

And that makes me regularly question why I'm still here...much of society is now set up around instant gratification and spend rather than mend...

I am grateful to this site not least for the knowledge that it means that I'm not alone in my view that a R / M is worth working on rather than consigning to the dustbin...

Best -GFI

Well put buddy.

Me too!

It's hard...isn't it? It's counter-intuitive...isn't it?

Antlers,

How are you at the moment? Are you still DB'ing, GAL etc ,etc. How is your situation?

I went through a slump recently, kinda backslid, but thank God I have people here who help and encourage me because they care...especially Sandi, City Girl, and 25. They are up front, and that's just what we need.

They encourage me to realize that you can 'choose' to feel differently, and you can start that by 'thinking' differently. "Where the head goes, the heart will follow."

Thanks for checking in. How are you?