Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Partner left after 9 yrs - I finally detached!??

Hi Ali,

I appreciate your advice on my thread and I'll respond after dinner tonight. You make some important points I'm wrestling with.

Trying to catch up with you and this caught my eye:

I saw H today for the first time in 7 1/2 months and he didn't ask anything about me either.

Is it guilt or are they total egocentrics? Who knows.

Hey Rob.. thanks for sticking with me.. god this rumbles on!

Hey Silver.. I hope it helped a little. I thkn that my ex is certainly very depressed and therefore self-obsessed right now and for some reason, he confides in me still and admits (as I suspected) that I AM still his best friend.. so I get the privielge of hearing all the complaints and how everyone is letting him down and it surprises me that he doesnt realise that he is letting ME down. But he does. And your H knows.

Well.. I had an epiphany.. I always said I wouldnt date, its love or nothing for me.. well love came back to me.. true love and I have to be honest.. I know this isnt just a chance, or fun, it was a very real love at the time and 15 years doesnt make that any less so.. we have both matured.. but I will be getting myself into a tricky position by seeing the Piscean. I am now free all day Saturday, my ex is away in Wales and may see me Sunday.. so the path is clear. Like I said. Dangerous. My BFF got frustrated with me earlier, she thinks ex is a mess and will NEVER sort himself out, but I diagree, or at least I havent given up on him like she has, for HIS sake even, not mine. I want him to be happy. And rightly or wrongly.. I do still miss him and although he moaned at me today.. I'd still give anything for him to come here and curl up in bed with me.

SO I have a horrible feeling I am bizarrely going to get a very stark choice between the two great loves of my life, in the same month (May?). And both I would happily of stayed with forever, if THEY hadnt messed it up owing to their own issues. It could be a 2 horse race.. neck and neck.. a photo finish.

Maybe you could slow the race down ..... to a trot!!

My H does that too ... complain, complain .... but I guess if there is little positive in their lives, complaining is all there is. One of my babysteps for my H would be when he asked about what's going on with me. He did once, but I'm waiting for it to be a regular occurance on the road to friendship.

Ali!

i am really proud of you for letting xbf off the hook for giving you a ride home. WAY TO GO GIRL!!!! I feel this is a turning point for you... not to try to wrestle for time with him. excellent.

as to the other xxbf? I think ... maybe.. you.. should.. slow.. things.. down. no need to rush!!!!!!!!!

LOVE
T

I told you on Im and need to say it here too. That move you pulled about the trip home, was probably the BEST you ever managed!!.

If you KNOW you are going to end in trouble, then dont!! (17 is still my guess)
xxx
K

Maybe there's a third great love yet to come! Don't feel like you have to limit your choices to these two men.

Have fun with old BF.

Oh my god Andabelle.. thats funny! My heads fried as it is.. Mr A-Another !?? No way sister!

Hey K.. you think? You like !? I did well hey? Today I let him right off the hook and we got into a text banter, so I think I did well there too (of course I did, I am wittier than a man with 3 heads!)

So.. he didnt call, he chickened out and texted me instead (but dont blame him)..

Hiya Al. Sorry, bit late in the day but would you mind if I drove on my own tomorrow? Sorry to be a pain. Will call on Sat to arrange to meet. Text me first thing tomorrow if you can't get a train. *Name*

..oh my god, he's such a people pleaser! Note the "on my own", so he clearly is NOT taking her away for Easter (not surprised, I think he is in decision mode). He told me he was dreading meeting all his family Friday to go bowling for his Mums birthday, so I left it a while then replied..

Hiya, no thats ok & thanks for letting me know. I thought you would want to, so I've got a ticket. Hope you slaughter them at bowling (well, not literally !). Speak to you Saturday, Al.

and then he replied back straight away...

Thanks al - will certainly be a good way of venting family based stress! Speak Saturday. *Name*

then I sent this (an old in-joke of ours, to do with the Icelandic saga's - just to make him smile):

...he had to leave that place.. because of some slayings (woopsy !!)

Then he replied with a text which just said something like

nothing to display (which I've never seen before!) so I took the chance to send...

...either you are trying to be an International Man of Mystery, or the text failed.. you just sent a blank one!

He replied again (after a delay where I could tell he was thinking of somehing witty)...

Oops, sorry - accident! More like a Man of Muesli !!

So I replied...

OK. Drive careful - dont go listening to any Keane! don't want to be falling asleep at the wheel.

and then he did (!!)...

Ok, sound advice! And because its sh*t...

.. so there you go! More text banter than in 8 months.. (with apologies to any fans of Keane reading along). Oh and I am RELIEVED ! I dont want to sit in the damn car with him at 9am.. I couldnt get away with all the makeup and styled hair so early and I STILL dont want to face him, au natrel (ha, after years of ultra au natrel and amazon rainforest for hairy legs!).

ROTFLMAO

You always make me laugh Ali!

Love the convo and the banter. And that you are givine him space!

I agree w/the others that your move on the drive was a great one. You are beginning to see things about him differently, which is good.

Regardless of what happens w/the Piscean, his reappearance has done you nothing but good.

RTL

Ali, every and all times I said "I would never do xyz", "This isnt happening, no way" etc etc... I came back to eat my words. So watch out for no 3 entering the scene... LOL
(are you gone yet? I told you to sent that TM last night, why didnt you? You dont trust me huh? It's ok, I understand... )
xxx
K