Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Accelerated divorce due to OM...normal?

Why would you do that and make it easy. I told H at the beginning if he wanted a D I was going to charge him with fault D for adultery and when I did he was shocked. That is more proof how much he is in the fog. Pretty sad.
Also financially it will protect me and my family if we get a bigger slice of the money pie. H has blown tons of money and if he ever gets out of the fog I would like to not have blown our whole financial core we worked for all these years.

Unfortunately, I chose to believe her and give her more time. The adultery came to light 2 weeks ago today (Mar 12), well after she served me (I suspected but chalked it up as jealousy). Other than being served (Feb 18) and talking to my lawyer I have done nothing yet. We've only been split since Nov 2, she wanted to do collaborative and let it sit until Nov 09 then do the uncontested thing...now I doubt it will happen.

We have joint custody 1 week at her 1 bdrm appt 40 min away from school, and 1 week in the house with me 5 min away from school. She has walked out of the house twice now (Came back after we mediated the 1 week on/off...with each of us leaving the house on our week without kids). Her statement of claim want primary residence, spousal support. With the arrangement we have now her child support comes out to $185/month. to which she burst into tears "How can I live on that". She has 10 plus years as a bookkeeper, runs a local business and makes $18hour plus bonuses, yet expects spousal support.

I've got an appointment next week with my lawyer to discuss what to do. I'm facing a lay-off, the affair, the separation, now divorce, I'm on the verge of breaking down. I plan on asking my lawyer to stall as much as possible. Right now she gets nothing from me (I pay her student loan of $175/month, done next fall). Financially we're both fubarred, but she hasn't made a rational decision lately. She did tell me In Dec "it would be the easiest tbing in the world to move home to you, but I know I'll be miserable" WTF does that mean? She went black on me almost since the beginning (when I was pursuing).

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this, the 6 month point is May 2, the OM has moved home to the wife (W still insists its just a friendship, despite the hotel receipts etc). Our son turns 12 in April, so I just plan on DB'ing until she gets frustrated and soes something which may be sooner than I thought, lawyer still hasn't called back. I've gone as grey as I can with 2 kids and a small town, I post very upbeat facebook statuses, every day mostly jokes etc.

Every picture since this started has her left hand hidden by a glove or in a pocket. She took a picture on Santa's lap (?) and literally had her left hand awkwardly stuffed between her legs. She's looking pretty worn down lately and still won't make eye contact when we talk, so I'm not sure where she is mentally. But I do know I've seen her at her best and now her worst, and she is worth the fight.

Puppy, you did warn me, and I am listening to the advice (thanks all of you). But I've only been coming here a few weeks, and my sich seems incredibly accelerated compared to the others. makes me wonder who or what she has committed to in her mind.

Can you ask for a psychological evaluation during a divorce?

I should add, she moved into her appt on Feb 4, 2009. Because she needed her own space (I believed her). I was left in possession of the house, and a week later all the utilities to the house were disconnected. Luckily I was in the process of switching them solely to me when it happened, so other than phone and cable, no real disruptions.

Her cell bill is almost $300/month...holy crap! Guessing she has no landline in the appt.

My first lawyer visit was Feb 7, 2009. (I found a draft statement of claim from Jan 27 under the couch while vacuuming). My lawyer advised me to not leave the hosue for my week from that point on, seems she had been planning to keep the appt in the next town, then on her week with the kids stay at the house for the week. Other than that there was nothing he could advise me on until formally served (happened feb 18, dated Feb 4, she didn't want to hire someone, or do it her self, so she tried to get my friends to do it..I heard about it almost immediately, but figured it was a mind game)

Confused yet? I have been for a while, it's almost too much to try and put it in words. Not sure if it's orchestrated or totally random. My lawyer can't see a pattern to her actions either, he wonders if she's being totally upfront with her lawyer, or if her primary legal advice is coming from someone else (my guess is dear old dad, very insecure and manipulative). What she's telling the kids is one thing, her family and friends another, then doing yet a third thing. And EVERYTHING is because I drove her to it!

It seems WWs fall into two separate categories. One grouping is made up of the cake-eaters. The second group seems to be composed of WWs who can't get the divorce fast enough to be with OM. As cruel as group one is, the second group are complete idiots. Group two seems to then divide into two subsets. One subset ramrods the divorce through right now, while those in the second subset seem to do nothing -- they don't respond to court orders, provide financial data, etc. Generally, I believe reality sinks in (after the fact), but by then the WW has about destroyed everything around her (family, finances, you name it).

Irregardless of which type WW you are saddled with -- DON"T try to figure them out or burn brain cells what if'ing yourself to death. Bad behavior is bad behavior.

So we had parent/teacher interviews today. We talked about the kids etc. Our oldest is having a really bad stretch for the last 2 weeks. Constantly arguing, backtalking disobeying..etc. She sat there and asked if I've been giving him his ADHD medication (haven't missed it yet), or if I've talked to him etc. The teacher, who knows we're getting divorced, mentioned he's aware of the other things in son's life, she immediately changed the subject. In fact, she didn't mention it at all, almost like it wasn't happening. She got 7-8 texts during then interview and answered each one. The phone rang once, she answered it. Not one single time did she make eye contact or look near me. She was always averting her eyes or turning her head. It was really wierd, I'm a look at the person regardless of feelings person, and so was she I thought. Then she couldn't wait to leave, but sat on the phone in the parking lot until we left. later, when I was driving the kids to the store for a treat (cheer up), there she was sitting in a different parking lot talking on the phone. Her excuse for leaving the interview so quickly was she needed to get back to work. And to top it all off, she looks terrible, sunken eyes, pasty complexion, yellow teeth etc, she's gotten worst since I saw her on Tues. I'm really worried for her.

But one of her friends who was split from her husband of 20 years, and bitterly, out of the blue announced she was reconciling with him. This woman was my wife's confidant in the early parts of the separation, I hope my wife takes note. And it looks so far (only a month in) like it's working, they seem happy together.

Yes, and evaluation can be part of the process (altho you'll probably have to pay for it). My atty asked me if I wanted it done by a psychologist or by a lawyer, and said I had a choice. I told him a psych (altho we withdrew the divorce action before it ever got to that).

I'm sure it varies from state to state, but that's how it worked here in FL.

Puppy

My observations with my WAW are similar. She has painted this god-like image about the OM and finds every opportunity to fault me for anything, plus she's planning a long vacation with him this summer.

I would not be surprised to receive divorce papers any day in preparation for that vacation. I can only imagine what will happen a year from now when/if it all falls apart on her.

I'm finally feeling sorry for her, starting to wake up and see that I can move on without her and that her fear of ending up alone may come true due to all the bridges she's burning in her current mental state.

So, next week is spring break for the kids. She was complaining about how broke she was (plane tickets and laptops aren't ya know), so I said I will take some time off work (very slow and possibly laying off anyway), and I would ttake them during the day, she can drop them off or I can pick them up whichever she desires. I thought she agreed (this was 2 weeks ago). She always uses the word "whatever" when I ask her something, I just ignore it. So on Friday afternoon when we are handing off the kids (what a crappy term to use), she tells me that the kids will be going to her sister's for the break. She has not once since this started asked me to help with the kids on her week, I just simply looked her in the eye and said matter of factly "whatever". I could see the venom in her eyes. I have already booked it off, the kids have stated they don't want to got o her place (ignored all week). Nothing but an obvious attempt at control.

"compromise is a form of surrender"
My happyness is the most important thing here. How can I be a good mother if I'm not completely happy"
"pick your battles"
Half the truth is still not a lie"

some of the quotes she's used since this started.

AHHHH!
I just saw on facebook (it was an update) that W posted a pic from the top of the lighthouse in the OM's town. The kicker is it's date stamped as Mar 22. She told her sister she was flying to Victoria on the coast, she told her boss she was going to her mother's house 7-8 hours away from Victoria. Then this pic shows up and it's 8-9 away from either, or 11-12 hours away from here.
I'm not sure if OM's wife was there or not (doubt it). She (OM's wife) was at the resort all winter, so she probably went home for a bit when he returned to watch it.

Should I say anything, let it go, or just add it to the file for my lawyer. If they really are just friends, is it better to let her and OM discuss it in front of lawyers or would that hurt me?

We were at D's riding lessons tonight and talked a bit about housing, kids clothes etc. She still won't make eye contact, but she commented that her 1 bdrm appt (kids sleep together in a hide a bed on her week), is probably gonna be her home for a while yet. I felt sorry, but said nothing. I really miss talking to her, and being with her physically. It really makes it awkward, but I have to keep up the DBing and hope for the best.

Was just playing on Fb and noticed her profile pic is the same picture, but cropped to cut out the date stamp. The original picture is deleted from her photos. it's too bad the identical picture is listed in the tourism brochure (without her), the background is identical.