Yep, it is a good book. First time I read it though I actually got so mad I threw it across the room.
Tostada, your W has a long way to go yet.The WAS has to go through the A, realise it isn't working, and then take a good hard look at themselves. If the original M is to work BOTH parties need to recognise what the problems were and alter so that they can act in harmony again. It is a long and painful process.
It took my H a year post reconciliation to one day say out of the blue that he couldn't believe what he did. There has to be real remorse there....and true forgiveness.
It's a long road.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
im starting to realize what a long path it would be...
have been on W's facebook page as well as OM page the past week or so. I'm not 'friends' with either, and I dont understand FB much. But, I can view their 'friends'. Neither has the other as a friend. The part that makes me realize this is a gigantic longshot, me and W ever again...her page is full of people I have never met. It's like she has a totally different life on there. You would think that after being with someone for 18yrs, you would probably know more that 20% of someones friends on FB. Thus..if she has a different life and created this world with OM in this new group, might be hard for her to leave that too. Or...if this blows up in her face, she may be embarrassed and realize what she did and may not want to be a part of that group like she was.
I ordered the just friends book. I was also able to confirm through legal methods that OM has not filed from OMW, as my W said they were getting divorced. It may not be that far along in the process, but I find it interesting. I think he's lying to both of them.
It may not be that far along in the process, but I find it interesting. I think he's lying to both of them.
Cheater lie...its what they do.
The "Not Just Friends" book gives insight from all parties involved. It just sheds light on some of the mindsets and how things occur. It really has helped me and though parts of it are tough to read, they are also things I needed to know in order to take the next step for me.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Hi Tostada, Not just friends is a good book. I bought it because my husband kept repeating "we are just friends with her" so it seemed appropriate (he still does by the way and none of my boundaries were accepted).
Most part of the book talks about being in a relationship with someone that "cheats" emotionally or physically. So, a lot of the things you will read may give some answers about past behaviors of your wife and give you an "inside perspective", but as far as now is concerned... I dont know. It will be useful if you get another chance with your wife but now... again, I dont know if it will help you. You've been angry lately and you need to calm down first of all.
No it wasnt just you and your behavior. Yes there was another one in the game that you probably subconcioulsy chose to ignore his existence, we all do at some point. The knowledge should help you be more fair to yourself and get rid of the guilt you possibly carry. You cant fight an A when it's all roses and lust unless your partner makes an honest decision to "fight it" too.
Right now, you cant do much. Take care of yourself. I know the pain, I've felt it. Most of us here have. Get strong and find things that give you pleasure. Take care of you. That's all you can do. K
have been on W's facebook page as well as OM page the past week or so. I'm not 'friends' with either, and I dont understand FB much. But, I can view their 'friends'. Neither has the other as a friend. The part that makes me realize this is a gigantic longshot, me and W ever again...her page is full of people I have never met. It's like she has a totally different life on there. You would think that after being with someone for 18yrs, you would probably know more that 20% of someones friends on FB.
Please don't base anything on this. My H knows hardly any of my friends on FB. They evolve and come along these friends on FB. Forget that rubbish for a start....complete nonsense. I am happily M'd and my H just doesn't give a sh!t about my FB....to be honest I don't know how to work it very well and I seem to keep picking up friends. I do 'know' them to some extent to add then to my network, but it's not like they are life long buddies or anything. Some people just like to have lots of 'friends' on there to seem popular.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I rec'd two emails from OMW last night. She seems really confused, upset, frustrated. She called me tonight and we are going to talk later. I hope I can help her, should be very interesting.
talked to omw last night for 2.5 hrs. she seemed like a great person and I feel bad she is going through this.
i referred her to the DM book. She's started reading it. We compared timelines and events and everything seems to map out over a long period of time.
however, seems for sure OM is lying to both of them. I feel she has a real chance to come back to her. They spent the past spring break together with their kids. Must be tough on my xw knowing they were together all week. I'm sure he had some excuse.
another item of note, i always thought in affairs that the OM would be someone totally opposite of myself. in this case, he seems to have all the faults that my W brought up about me, but magnified. I'm sure xw hasnt discovered this yet. I found that very interesting.
good gossip....good stuff.... OMW is an all star. good or bad, she snooped the mother lode of info. Its unbelievable the deciet, lies, all the crap you could ever imagine.
anyways, what to do with it. OM is telling OMW that he loves her, still sleeping with her. OMW reading DR and being very nice to him, playing it off as if she knows nothing. She is DBing big time.
But at some point, I think she needs to confront him. He's wallowing in guilt right now and OMW is watching closely. She wants A to end. So do I as it cost me my marriage. What we do from there, not sure.
I planted a seed with xw about some info that had to come from OMW that would show OM not truthfull with XW...i know this is a soap opra. Could be a very good novel.
Anyways....what to do...OMW afraid of confronting him right now as shes scared he would run off to XW. I think she has to do it and shake him down..
My opinion is that it's her business, and up to her what she wants to do. You and your wife are divorced, and as painful as it is to learn all of this, it no longer concerns you.
