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SP,

Make sure you look great! Good idea on the no alcohol, don't need your tongue loosened in that setting.

Ok, look sharp but don't over do it. I go for the guy talk as well, "hey how does your bracket look?"

Mingle, if possible, show her that you're doing just fine without her. I don't know how to say this but my wife would comment that she was most attracted to me when she would see out talking to our friends and being engaged with other folks. She said she would sit and watch me laugh, smile and hang out with friends. She would always comment that my laugh made her feel good.

Let her see SP in a different light, other than the one she has seen these last few months.

The rabbit has left to foxhole, the rabbit has left the foxhole...

Okay, everyone. 45 minutes until we two meet with S's counselor re: delivering the bomb to the kids. Pretty spun up and losing my cool. Need to gobble a couple Icebreakers and a Xanax. That's 1 hour. Then pick up the kids; S has a counseling session with WAW instead of me (but not to tell him! - just that he always goes with me). Then meet the folks at the pub. Going to change, add a dab of smell-sweet-sh*t, and do the hair.

The last time I dated was during the Reagan administration. Oy.

GODSPEED! [said in Heston voice]

So the meet w/ the counselor is over. It was eye-opening, I think, but more to WAW than to me. Like the part where he said S9 is going to go into shock, for example. C spent a good amount of time talking about parenting plans, and I was silent for most of the hour -- I didn't really have questions and wanted WAW to have to drive the train on finding out just how complex a mess she's creating.

Got back to the house for a break before dinner, and as I'm making coffee -- and offering it to WAW -- she asks, "So what did you think?"

Well what am I going to say? I think that was catastrophic? That we've had a window into just how messed up our childrens' lives are going to be shuttling between two homes? Or maybe I should have reiterated C's observation that the kids are "INEVITABLY" going to identify with and side with me because WAW is a WAW.

But no, I said, "I thought it was a great meeting. C has lots of good ideas. I think this year-long parenting plan is too much, but certainly quarterly."

And then WAW began walking it back.

Well, no, we can't plan that much. And this assumption that I can take them on their school vacations -- work, work, work. And you're home a lot, and I'm paying child support, and and and.

Uh-huh.

And as her voice got sharper and angrier I raised my hands and said, "I can see this is making you angry, and I'm not going to argue with you."

Well! I can see there will be no civility!

"I can understand that you'd think that. But my only real concern is that there's a real risk of me being taken advantage of, given my flexibility. And that's not going to be fair to the kids, who are going to want every chance to see their Mom. And who can blame them?"

Well that defused her a bit. And I reiterated, "I'm not angry. I'm prepared for this. The sooner we launch the better, since it'll give the kids time to adjust."

And she was very puzzled and said, "Well maybe I should have you served tomorrow, then."

To which I replied, "If that's what you want, that's what you'll do. I can no more control than I can control your thoughts. From my POV, we had a good session and learned some important skills. That's what I'm focusing on. That, and dinner -- I'm hungry!"

But to be truthful it was tough. To hear S9's therapist describing the panoply of possible effects this will have on The Boy. Well. It ain't pretty. And I hope WAW knows that. Because this ain't my deal.

That sir, was impressive. Very well handled. I think I learned something that I can apply to my sitch.

I may use this:

Well it was an interesting outing. We sat on opposite sides of the table, a couple people apart. We exchanged pleasant words with each other, with our neighbors; I noticed her with my peripheral vision eyeballing me as I chatted with a nice -- divorced -- woman who was seated next to me and was giving off the "I'm interested" signs like twirling the hair and laughing too much at my witticisms. I wasn't interested, of course, but it was interesting to see how my WAW would glance that way from time-to-time -- irritated or encouraged, though?

Well, can't read her mind so no point in wondering.

Glad that went well. I think it is good that she saw that another woman thinks you are witty and worth paying attention to. At this point, it probably reinforces her idea that you will be fine without her. Once she makes the big play for OM and he teaches her the meaning of the phrase "hard to get", she will see things like tonight with a twinge of jealousy.

Perhaps, Sara, perhaps. But I'm not worrying about it. Because for me -- in the Grand Scheme of Things -- it holds forth the promise of win-win. Either WAW will start to get curious -- a "win" in the short-run, regardless of the ultimate outcome of the DB'ing -- or she won't and will press on full-steam ahead but I at least have a bit of knowledge to tuck into my back pocket that, at least insofar as future romance goes, I won't still be out in the cold.

And though the much-preferred object of my affections is asleep down the hall from my office, knowing that (some) other wom(a)(e)n might find me appealing is a small confidence-booster in its way. It suggests a life after this one, should this one go the way WAW wants it to.

I'm not going to start "dating" or anything, of course, because in my own snotty way I like having the moral high ground over WAW with EAOM, but at least it means I'm not the louse of a no-good useless loser of a romantic partner WAW has from time to time made me out to be. At least not at the very superficial level of a woman twirling her hair at the table. And for right now that's ego-boost enough.