Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Rough and Ugly Four Months going on LIfe

Thanks Sam,

I'm in a place that if i date it is because i have decided I need to move on from my wife which I am afraid is coming up soon. I am afraid I am coming to the conclusion that I am better off without her. She was a beautiful person for the first 14 years of marriage but always a little selfish. Now she is horribly selfish and has given up on our marriage and destroyed my daughter's chance to live in a family just to live a single unencumbered life style for her own self serving reasons. And I sit here everyday thinking I am a fool for trying to make this work.

But I really appreciate you checking out the thread. And the advice is apreciated.

thank you

Hi PH,

I am doing pretty good (mentally). It's tough but with my daughter I am staying positive and we are really having fun. Brought the computer to do course work and thought I'd kill time while she is taking an hour long shower.....Little Girls??? Least I'm not paying for the water this time.

Before we left I accidentaly found a love note from the guy my wife is seeing in CO. It is driving me crazy because since this has all broke she has reapeatedly talked about how we don't make enough money and she should be doing better at this stage of her life. I couldn't even understand this at first but now I now that she met a lawyer with his own practice out there. SO it all starts to clear up a little. Probablly some sort of rationalization in her head but still bothers me. She gets everything by going out there. a new romance, a richer life style and a new start in a new city with friends.

I am struggling in my mind on how to let go of this person. She is not the person that I met and may never be that personagain. A friend of mine said she is someone who sacfrificed her family to live a single life style that was fun for her. You need to realize that and forget her. I was there for a ahwile until she emailed me that crappy text.

I guess I will just focus on the good. If I am happy in CO, If daughter is happy and my stbx has a chance to be happy why be bitter. I struggle everytime I look at my daughter and start to hate my wife.

But it is time to hit Disney. My daughter is ready to hit Space Mountain. It's fun to see her excited!!!!!!

Thanks for the support and being there to talk to. Hope things are going great for you in your sitch!!!!

Somehow I missed your last post. I hope you had a great time with D at Disney. I love it (but I'm a west coast girl so I prefer Anaheim over Orlando). What's your favorite ride?

That's harsh finding a love note. It killed me when I was reading xBF's emails with OW. Actually, it was one of these messages that prompted me kicking him out. She mentioned my cat and I lost it, how dare she talk about my life to my BF! And in that moment I realized that I was done sharing, if she wanted the POS she could have him because I certainly didn't.

I'm not surprised that she's going through the whole grass is greener thing. But you can't change that. She has to deal with it herself and decide if indeed it is. The question is what do YOU want out of YOUR life?

I know this is a great job opportunity for you, but can you handle knowing that you are moving W straight to OM? I'm not trying to persuade you one way or the other, but just want to make sure you've thought through the long term repercussions of this move on your emotional health.

Your friend wants your pain to end. Yes, your W did all those things. And you may never forgive her or want her back after all this. God knows I'm struggling with this myself. But only you know when you are done. And when you are, trust me, you'll know it. It's like a switch being flipped.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is don't be so focused on letting her go. That's still making it about her. Focus on making yourself the best version of Kenn possible. And in that process you'll be able to decide who you want to share your great new life with, if anyone.

It's really late. I hope that made sense.

Of course it did and thank you very much.

Disney was a blast. I told my daughter that all I wanted was to ride "Pirates of the Caribean" and the rest of the wek was hers....so that's my favorite ride.

My daughter loved it!

On a jaded note it was tough not to miss the faimily moments down there. We had just gone last year as a whole family.

No problem though.

No Pearl, I do not think it will be tough moving there to OM. From the start I have envisioned her leavingme and ending up married to him. I know (futurizing- but give me a minute LOL) then a close friend asked me, if this guy is a succesful, good looking, high dollar lawyer, why is he single? Do you think he is really looking for a wife and if so why are you so sure she is it when they have only had a few weekends together...guy might be an ass????

It doesn't matter. Sadly, I am drifting away. The longer I am away from her the more I start to look at my future and she may or may not be in it.

I read what guys like Puppy, Gucci and Rotx write and realize they are talking about me. When I am in love with someone I am a service type person. Everyone woman (maybe) says thats what they like in a husband but the truth is it gets old. I can see that in the things she talks about now. But it is a hard habit to break, but i am getting better at it. I am really close and it is feeling pretty good.

How are you doing?

Hey Kenn, Great to hear that you & your D have a wonderful time!!!

I totally understand the LL you mention & it is definately a hard habit to break. I see myself slipping back into it all the time. Half the battle is just realizing it, yet it is good to know. (If that makes any sense).

I have always loved Pirates of the Carribean! We had a Disneyland record growing up with the songs from the rides so I know every word. I'm sure it was difficult going to a family place without your W. But now you have new memories with your D from this trip and you can build from there.



Good point. But what if it does work out? I just want you to mentally prepare yourself as best you can. And I shouldn't be encouraging you to think about the future so let's change the subject.



Been there, done that. What I learned when I let xBF go was that I can have an exciting future on my own. So try to think of things that you have always wanted to do but gave up because W wasn't interested or whatever reason.

I posted an update on my thread tonight. Looks like I'll still be in Denver when you move. Let me know if you want more info and we can exchange info in the alt.

Anyone who loves Priates of the caribean is a friend of mine

That's cool because SF is home of the 49ers and I just don't know about that LOL!

Of course I hope things are looking up for you!

So went to Easter dinner and had a pretty good time.

Wife was borderline rude but it was different this time. It was almost like her heart wasn't in it LOL! Give gave about three shots at me.

Biggest one was that she is driving an eight year old vehicle and I'll give you three guesses who's fault it is????? Yep...I am the big loser that never bought her a new car and forced her to drive that ratty old piece of junk.

The second was that we have boat and haven't used it in 7 years. I'll have to give her that one. I have my defense but she is right we haven't and she did love to fish. That one goes in the "I blew that one" category.

The third......well I can't remember that one. I just let it slide right on by. But heck I am sure that one was my fault too.

Best part of the day was when I walked in and my Aunt turned around and said, 'My gosh you've been hitting the gym...what are you going every day? You look good" All of it right in front of stbx. Now I know how the other people feel that have posted a moment like that on their threads.

Now the sad part...so has she and man does she look awesome...ARGH! It is amazing how attracted I am to this woman. The anger is a big turnoff but man I am so physically atracted to her...ooops not suppose to go there right LOL!

It's okay PH. I think I have that one covered. I am really getting to a point that I don't care. Of course I know it will tip me over the top the first time I see him with her but that's what she wants then that's okay with me. There are times I see her and all is as it should be, we laugh (miss that laugh) and all is normal. Then there are times that I see her and it is not hard to think that I am the one that will get the better part of this deal.

She called me today and told me she was out of town on 1st weekend in May and last weekend in May going to CO to look for a place to live. She hasn't even got a job out there yet. I know she is meeting up with this guy. Didn't really even bother me. The place she is right now blows my mind. I'll never understand it. It's all about money...ugly!

OMG....G for goodness

Just had a long conversation with W. Earlier she called about a recital ad for my daughter. We talked about making it out from both of us. (realize now that I have decided she doesn't respect me anymore and that's one of the problems) So i am stewing here and finally call her up and tell her that I want her to go ahead and fill out her own ad and I will do the same. She asked why and I told her that she has made the decision to break the family apart and I now need to start realizing that and quit trying to act like we are a family.

Long conversation occurs. About everything that happened between us and all the stuff said. She denied that she is seeing anyone and that this guy is a friend and nothing more. Asked me how I know so i tell her about the card. she goes into a long story about how this guy is an attorney but doens't make a lot of money, has drinking issues Blah, Blah, blah....

(where is Puppy?) Liar!!!!!!!! The sad part is that the wording on the cards and text are vague enough that they could fit her story also. But we talked a lot about our relationship. I admitted a lot of wrong things and she listened. She talked about all the friends she has out there and that I will like them too. Like a yo-yo.....in -out -in -out.... I mentioned that text message (in love) She said yea I shouldn't have sent that. She said once or twice " I'm not saying I want to get back together". And when it was all done she ended with "well I'm just wanting to start my life all over again" and "I think we can be friends but if you don't think we can then i understand that"

Sounded so good but I would bet my car she ahs slept with this guy. There is a slight chance not but Nah!!!! How do they lie so well?????

So maybe I ruined any chances but who knows. I still do not want to be friends with my ex-wife and spend holidays together. Where does that fantasy come from? Lets be buddies but I'm going to go over there and sleep with him?

Venting!!!!!! Part of me says it was a good converstation and part is saying man I blew it, and part of me is saying what if I did. That last part is the part that bothers me.