I'm sorry, SP. I don't know when to frame something as "script" versus "plain truth." Either way, her current stance sucks.
She'd rather commit to being alone with her TV and crush the kids rather than try to work it out with you first? Really?
I don't believe that she plans on being alone. You don't create this havoc for the *exciting* dream of sleeping alone in front of your TV and seeing your kids according to a schedule imposed by the courts. You don't do botox and work out like a fiend when you're at peace with living the rest of your years alone. When you've given up on marriage and are ready to be a Golden Girl, you start eating chocolate and drinking champagne. And you buy a Snuggie, not Neiman Marcus dresses.
Go sell crazy somewhere else.
I ain't buyin' either, and those are exactly my thoughts as well!
What intrigues me is the explicit openness to the possibility of romance. Because that gives me, as both DB Coaches have pointed out in earlier discussions, an opening as I move through "Stage 2" (Friendship) towards "Stage 3" (Courtship).
SP,
You are putting wwwaaaayyyy too much weight on her words right now, and assuming them to be reflective of her true intentions. I don't believe they are for ONE MINUTE.
This, after all, is a woman who just this morning thought you were trying to kill her boyfriend. Why are THOSE words dismissed, but these ones are somehow representative of what she REALLY wants??
Remember: try to judge her ACTIONS, not her WORDS. When the two align -- over time -- then you know she is speaking the truth.
I disagree -- I don't think I'm putting undue weight on them. I think I was pretty clear that I'm taking them only at face value -- no more or no less valid than her bizzaro rant this a.m.
But I find the suggestion itself curious. Because it was never a suggestion I made.
Specifically...if your WAS is cheating, please don't try to believe that they have had a change of heart toward you just because they were nice to you one day, especially when you know they were recently out to see their affair partner.
Yeah -- I don't think there's a change of heart on the A.
In fact I fully expect it to continue when she moves out.
But as Puppy himself has asked on many a thread, is that a dealbreaker for you?
Confused.... Why is the suggestion curious? You told her that you didn't want a divorce. Therefore, romance down the line would be a logical assumption as part of reconciling. No?
I tend to agree with puppy on the weighted words. You are hanging on to hope and why not if you want to drag this detaching on.
She is leaving, there is definitly another man. Let her go . Help her pack. she feeds you leftovers, why keep subjecting yourself to this abuse. Your esteem is taking a kicking , you need to give you some seriou thought.
Look from being over on the other side , i can tell you it is not greener. Pickings are slim and problems immense. This R she is in wont last. Let her then turn to you and see if your still there.
Why is friendship a precondition. Why would you want to be friends with anyone that turns your world into an ugly upside down, hurts your children, puts a strain on finances and is kicking you at every oppotunity. You can be civil and courteous but FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!. Let her earn that back down the track.
I am committed to working on building a future with you as friends. That's as much as I can promise without being dishonest. If something more were to develop down the road, then I would not close the door on it. (It doesn't have to be marriage. I have had my fill of that institution.) But right now I don't see that happening and certainly not without separation.
These words are perfectly clear. They translate to mean:
"Having a cordial, friendly relationship following our separation/divorce is a good thing. Yes, I want that. Could there be more? I won't rule it out, but don't count on it. And you need to move out of the way, you are blocking the door. I want to make my exit."
Sara's reading is closest to mine. I'm still perturbed/disturbed/curious about the "something more." Only because it's not something I've introduced. In fact, following DB Coach's recommendation, I explicitly ruled it out in MC #2. So why? Perhaps it was a throwaway, perhaps inadvertent. As I say, curious.
But for now, there are 2 kids to put to bed, a coffee machine to set for the a.m. side, a bit of reading to do (Dash Hammett, I think), and sleep to pursue.
So I will say, "Goodnight," DB'ers, and best wishes for a pleasant tomorrow.
