Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Newly separated...spouse left.

Thank you for responding. I understand what you're saying, and I agree with it. But it hurts so bad nonetheless to hear and feel from her the things I did yesterday and recently. I'm trying to have a better attitude and buckle in for a long ride. I'm trying to not give in to despair; I'm trying to give her time and space to develop or recapture her sense of self-worth and individualism, and I'm trying to treat her with unconditional love and dignity and respect in the face of her anger; I'm trying to not crowd her, not push, and be PATIENT. And I'm trying to do more of what works and less of what doesn't work. But she's still growing to hate me more and more anyway. I just hope she doesn't mean what she said yesterday about divorce.

I'm really going to try harder to remember what you said..."anything she says is misleading - especially when you over-analyze every word, glance, or movement like we all do."

It's so hard to deal with the reality that my wife was so unhappy and unappreciated that she wanted an escape from her miserable life...and she could only think of one way to get out of it and that was to leave me. How do I leave her alone? We are 'sharing' our 2 smaller children equally.

The only communication should be about the kids, let her be the one that starts any other contact. No calls, txt or emails, it's hard but it gets better.

Thanks man. It's hard alright. I feel so lonesome. It hurts me that she hates me so much, and that our family is so broken apart. Our 12 y/o daughter has sided with her mother, and she is really hard to deal with when she is with me. I hear her mother talking to me through her. She doesn't mind at all. It's a hard road right now. I'm trying hard to strengthen and better the relationship between my children and I, but I'm having trouble doing it. I sure need some help with it.

I'm not sure but I doubt your wife hates YOU, she hates the situation. When I first got S I NEVER thought it would last this long but now I know it's for the best. I'm not sure where my W and I will end up but I am much stronger than I was and a better Dad and person. My wife and I are getting along much better than even a few months ago. I hate being away from my kids but I talk to them most everyday and when I am with them it's the best days.

Funny thing is right now today if my W asked me to move back I wouldn't, we're not ready for anything close to that...And I never thought I would have that feeling.

It takes time, lots and lots of time use it to your advantage for yourself.

How do I 'detatch'?

The only thing that did it for me was when my wife told me she was filing for D. I got a letter from the court about two weeks later that said she filed to have the S converted to a D. At that point I figured my M is over so I let her go. Since then she hasn't filed anything else, I know she has the papers from her L still unopened on her desk.

So for M I think I had to realize my M was/is over, I think I may get a chance to have a new M, but the old one is dead.

Do you have to realize that the marriage is over in order to 'detatch'? I want to detatch, but I do not want to give up on our marriage. I need to do better than I'm doing right now.

I HAVE NOT given up on wanting a M with my wife. I gave up the old M since it makes no sense to want that back I want a new better M that will last forever.

I understand. I don't want what we 'had' either. I want something better...a 'reinvention' of our marriage. I just want to be stronger than I am now concerning my wife. And the troubled relationship with our children is stressful. When they're with me, if I make them mind and they get mad, they say "I want to go to moms! I don't want to be here with you!" That hurts.