Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with Kids and a WW 24

Ok, do you see when you back off and NC even a little (b/c it's not like your going dark is truly dark), she starts to pursuit you? I told ya!!! Of course, maybe you don't want that, but if it is then something you should work on I think.

I had a disagreement with H something like that a week or 2 back. I think their upset reaction is prob. b/c they feel guilty that the kids aren't a priority for them as much as you or I or maybe most parents? They put themselves first before the kids. But then to take her guilt out on you for it sucks.

My pastor says there are no coincidences. You are being taken care of. I've seen that in my life this past year or 2 also. Karen

I miss your posts on here. I'm glad you called her on the fact that you have changed your plans many times. You are always doing what is best for your family. That's admirable.

I hope you are doing really well at work and that is another reason that you aren't posting as often. Just keeping putting your kids first and things will work themselves out.

I am really happy that things worked out for you with the car. Like you said, someone upstairs is looking out for you.

kat

She got bent out of shape and asked why I did that. What if she had plans.

Good!!! I'm sure Wonderboy had fun without her. There are plenty of uncomplicated women out there. Someday he will find one and your WW will be left in the dust.

Karen, I wouldn't consider that pursuit. She's just goofy.

Okay, so here's how the week was supposed to go. It must have been two Saturdays ago, she asked if I had taken off for Spring Break. I told her I hadn't. Actually, I was thinking it was a different week. My bad. The wife always took care of that stuff and just told me when to take time off.

She lets me know that she took the whole week of Spring Break off, which happened to be my week, and that she'll just stay with them. I agreed to it. Last week I found out that I could take off Thurs/Fri/Sat. Talking to the wife, she had to work this past Monday after all and was going to go to Laredo to meet with one of the doctors that treated her father. She is going to contest his will. Then do something with the kids Wed, like the beach or something.

My D12 texted back and forth this morning. I texted that if they were going to take the Rodeo, I wanted S15 to check the oil and water. She texted back that she thought a friend was going to take them to Laredo. I sent back asking a boy or girl. She sends back a boy. I didn't have to ask who. I texted back if she wanted to go. She sent back "yes and no but mom got mad at me for making it obvious that I didn't like him and if i said i didn't want to go thatll just make it worse."
I sent back to her that that didnt matter, she could stay with S15, who was not going, or I could pick her up. She said she would ask.
5 minutes later, I get a call from the apartment. I couldn't take it because I took a client. Her VM said sternly, "Call me back."

When I called her back, I could just hear it in her voice. She was pissed.

We talked for quite a while. I let her have it, too.

WAY too much to write down. We went back and forth. About sh*thead, who was going to take them to Laredo. How D12 has made it perfectly clear that she does not like him. Me telling her to quit forcing him on the kids. Her saying she isn't.
I think at one point I called him the devil. I made one comment, reminding her of the dream she had about herself fighting the devil. She told me to stop throwing my religion at her.

I had intended to let her know that she lost the fight, but just said that it was him. She told me that maybe it was me. I said no way. She told me to stop thinking that we were going to be an item.

???

I told her that I most certainly didn't think that and it was too bad for her anyway. That I'm letting the girls know NOT to have hope anymore. Her telling me to stop feeding them thoughts. I told them that the girls know right from wrong and everything is from their own thoughts. Not me.

She says that they are just going to have to accept him. I repeated to quit forcing him on them, she repeats she isn't.

She is DUMB. So dumb. I finally threw the bomb at her. That I let the kids talk, because they are afraid to talk to her or say anything because she gets mad.
"What?! I cant have a bad day? I'm not allowed to get angry?!"
I said no, but not to the point where they cant talk to her.

Then it came out,
"Look, I don't say anything because I want to keep their trust. You tell me they're afraid to hurt my feelings? Thats good! They love me. They dont' want me to know the wrong things you do and who you do it with. Thats totally different than them not wanting to hurt YOUR feelings, because they feel like they would be better off with me and cant tell you!"

She paused and then questioned that they would say that.

I mean, just back and forth.

She finally says that she isn't taking ANY of the kids. I begin to ask her what she is going to do, so I can make plans. Then she says she is just going to cancel the trip. That she may as well just go back to work, waste of time, blah blah. She is starting to cry.

I had told her a lot of other things. Lots of truths. She started in with lumping me in with her ex, S15's dad. I told her that is NOT the case and she knows it. I told her that I do NOT want to fight her. I am NOT her enemy.

As a matter of fact, I told her that if she wanted to take Thursday to do something with the kids, that was fine with me.

I told her that she had no one. Family, friends. She defended herself and went through her family, friends, that she has no one. I told her that that was my point. She pushed everyone away.

We ended up talking about why she was going to Laredo. I told her to still go, leave the kids, I'll get them after work and get them back to her when she gets back tonight. She thought about it. Decided that she was going to rent a car and going to the beach.

At one point, she mentioned that she now has her independence. I let her know that she is NOT independent, she is obligated. She defended herself and said she is NOT obligated to him. I disagreed and told her that she couldn't make it with out his money. She did not agree. She said he doesn't expect anything from her. If she didnt want him to come over or something, he's not coming over. And he doesn't even come over that much.

She starts to tell me what a nice guy he is and I stopped her cold,
"I do NOT want to hear what a nice guy he is, because he is NOT a nice guy. He played his part in this. I believe that, I will ALWAYS believe it, the kids believe it and no will accept him. Your supposed to be happy living your fantasy life, but I don't see it." She asked me to explain, but I didn't.

It ended up with her telling me that she is canceling her Laredo trip, she'll do it next Monday because she is off that day also.

"I am going to spend time with the kids and keep them until Thursday morning!"

Click.

Oh yeah, half way through, S15 told her to go outside because the girls could hear her.

She cemented what I've been feeling lately.

I do not want her anymore. She is no longer a woman that I want to be with. I love her still, she is the mother of my kids, I care about her, but I no longer want her.

D12 and I texted each other a little after. I apologized for what she may have heard. She said it was ok, S15 had a talk with her. I told her that I HAD to tell mom somethings and she again said it was ok, at least mom wasn't mad at her anymore.

My poor baby.

Texting some more about an hour ago, they are in Corpus Christi and having a lot of fun. I'm glad they are. All of them. Yes, even the wife, strangely enough.

Sorry for what may have been a LOT of typos. I am NOT going to go back on this long one and correct. I was probably all over the place, too.

Hope everyone is well. I didn't get a chance to check on anyone. Maybe tomorrow.

I can relate, really. Ex forces skank on them every chance he gets. I really don't know if he can do anything with just them, I doubt it. The kids resent her and are really starting to lose feelings for their Dad because he cares so little for their feelings. He is losing them and I can't/won't get in the middle. I have tried and the kids know that I have talked to him on their behalf.

Two of them actually were telling "them" last week that they won't accept someone who broke up their family. S16 starting telling skank all about ex's glorious past but got cut off before he could tell her that Dad is a serial cheater!

Sorry if I hijacked, just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.

kat

She's just mad you are not being all nicey nicey and friendly friendly even though she is doing what she is doing. It's about time she faces some of the consequences of her actions.....her kids' feelings of hurt and anger, the realization that her H won't back her up on having his kids with this OM, her little dream of her wonderful independent life with this new man isn't all a bed of roses. About time. She showed more emotion in that phone call than she has for a year. When she gets mad or cries.....you are affecting her. She needs this. Keep doing it.

think at one point I called him the devil. I made one comment, reminding her of the dream she had about herself fighting the devil. She told me to stop throwing my religion at her.

I had intended to let her know that she lost the fight, but just said that it was him. She told me that maybe it was me

I would have told her that of everybody in this trio I am the only person that doesn't have blood on their hands and am the farthest from being that devil!!! (Beeatch!!!)

Also Bravo with the Major Truth Darts!!! I will be in the minority but I think it was actually a good thing(maybe not healthy) that the kids overheard. Keep pounding her about ShitHead being around the girls!!! And yes I spelled out his actual name and I hope the Mods leave it in!!!

H4H,

I think ya did good. Now let her sit and stew in that for awhile.



melissa

Thanks for posting, H. It really sounds like you are dropping or already dropped the rope. I think that's a good thing. Truth darts are good. You aren't doing this to get a reaction from her, but it is what it is. I think it's all good. I've been thinking the same kind of stuff; I'll always love him as father of my kids, but other than that...I could def. see life without him and a happier one too!

Karen