Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Newly separated...spouse left.

I know there is nothing that I can do, except leave her alone. But knowing that she is now considering divorce, and that she doesn't care about me at all anymore...well...I can't describe the pain and disappointment.

You DB.

Puppy

She's not thinking right right now, let the dust settle and see what happens. I'm not saying a D won't happen but you CAN'T worry about what may happen. Like PDT says now you DB.

Bridge described what the "hating you more and more" really is perfectly. Look at it in a positive light. She's verbalizing her anger now, releasing it. Now is the time for you to make her feel like she's being heard! THAT will allow it to start healing.

Validate, validate and validate and prepare for a LOT of patience. Don't worry about feeling lonely and desperate, we all did, and it gets better. Right now, give her space and time, it's the best thing you can do!

Thank you so much. Encouragement from you folks means more than you know. I intend to give her all the space and time that she needs. Thank you for responding. And I will continue to pray, study, learn, and work on myself.

Bridgestone - I did validate everything. I said "I can understand why you would not care about me anymore and be thinking about divorce after living with the 'old me' all those years."

Guys, I took it in the gut pretty hard yesterday. It was very hurtful. I heard things from my wife that I've never heard before. How do I detatch? What kind of mindset do I need to have to do this? The patience is extremely hard. Your advice would be so appreciated.

You don't have to listen to her if she is being hurtful to you. Just tell her something like your tone/words are inappropriate and if she wants to talk it needs to be civil otherwise I we don't need to talk.

She told me that I have driven her to feel this way towards me and it's getting worse and worse. She said she's not going back to what she left. She said that I may think that I've changed but she still sees the same person who treated her like sh!@ for years. She said she doesn't even know who I am anymore, "which is fine with me because I don't care anymore." Then she told me that she has been thinking about divorce! I validated her feelings, didn't argue, remained calm...and my heart broke some more. She is not even like the woman that I've known all these years. It's like I'm dealing with a different person. We have nothing to do with each other at all because that's what she wants. And her hatred towards me continues to grow. She said she dislikes the 'new' me even more than she disliked the 'old' me. I am really numb and hurting bad at the same time. I am prepared to wait until he!! freezes over by giving her all the time and space that she needs...but it's heart wrenching that during that time her hatred towards me continues to grow, and she now mentions that she has been thinking about divorce. She has never said that before.

Try to take the 'high road'.

PDT once said 'her brain is awash with chemicals right now'.

Anything she says is misleading - especially when you over-analyze every word, glance, or movement like we all do. She probably won't be able to see any positive changes in you for months, so don't worry about anything she says for awhile.

Exercise and if you need things to do to keep busy, get around other people through social networks like your local Meetup.com groups in whatever interest/hobby you may have or have an interest in starting.

Also, I learned the hard way about any comments made to or around my S6 got skewed and passed on to my WAW - which only served to anger her. NO ADULT SITUATION TALK with your kids.

Work on yourself and leave her to face her problems on her own without any expectation that she will 'try' or 'respond' in any way for quite awhile to come.

Good luck Antlers. It doesn't seem like it today, but you will survive this, grow from this, and soon see a whole new light about yourself as you acknowledge your own changes.