Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Rough and Ugly Four Months going on LIfe

Yea, others have been told the same only to go back down the roller coaster but maybe,

Good advice on the future. Jack Beans said something on a post the other day that rang true. If I knew the future when this all started then I might have just moved on and not learned as much about myself in the process.

The process is as important as the outcome. Good Advice Kevin...thanks

But it leaves me wondering what to do today. Give it time or ask her if she wants to talk about it????

fork in the road....always forks in the road

Hi Kenn, So you've had an interesting couple of days. Do you think your W emotional swing (esp with your daughter), is because of the investments & essentially "taking" that money away from your D? So she's feeling like the bad guy. Hhhmmm, many thoughts are flying around in her head, so that is good, she is thinking. Keep your positives going!!

Great job at not being pulled into an arguement!! That was one of your issues right?

Yes, when we first started this there were several arguments where I tried to battle emotions with logic. Ugly arguments.

Last night I just tried to let her know I understood her frustrations.

I am with her on the lost money. She has been investing in daughter's fund and switched it. So both brokers were drafting her account. The guy she use to be with (my guy) is saying she never asked him to stop the drafts. I personally find that hard to believe. So basically she has had twice the amount taken out of her account.

I wanted to try and fix it but stayed out of it until she hinted. Then I told her I would talk to him and we would work this out. Just kept telling her that "we" would get there and "we" would fix it.

I think the money is invested now and they can't get it out without tax implications. I will probablly just write her a check. Just don't want her to think I am trying to buy her attention.

She was just totally stressed last night. House, job, child, relationship with child.

Today we have talked twice and no mention, somewhat annoyed.

I really don't know what to do. Do you discuss it? Or do you just let it go and continue on. Sometimes I worry that moving along with my life is rude or she is going to think I wouldn't take her back. Never know what's in someone's mind.

Thanks MsM

So can someone give advice.


This conversation happened on Friday. Over the weekend we talked twice and saw her once and the conversations were as two people in the room.

I want to talk to her about this but have seen other people deal with it and find out it is nothing.

Would it be wrong to discuss this message with her?

Hey Kenn, I would just leave it go for now. Don't pressure don't persue. Like native's W - your W let her guard down with you, took a step forward & now is not so sure. The important part was you listening to her. Don't argue how she feels, understand why she might feel this way. That's my 2 cents. Have a good day!

So our daughter had a skit in class today. It was neat to go and see all the third graders doing a skit. Daughter was excited because both her parents were there.

Wife and I talked a little then when it was over she left. She said goodbye to daughter and never said a word to me. I'm smiling as I write this because I remember this morning reading someone's post where they stated it's amazing how they can act like you are someone they just met (para phrasing). Yep. sure is (head scratch).... of course she always has been kind of like that so maybe she was just born rude. She looked back as she was leaving, maybe thinking I would follow out but the kids asked me to take some pictures so I stayed. Who knows and not going to worry too much about it.

Just a journal type entry.

Mostly confusing because of the text I mentioned. I did read something puppy wrote about how we're suppose to ignore the negative stuff because it means nothing but LBS jump all over the positive So true

(Journal for relflection at a later date)

Personal Goals (which were set when this all started)


Goal #1: Speak to my daughter w/respect, authority and without raising my voice

Target: Zero tolerance

Plan:
(1) actively monitor my conversations and assess as we go
(2) recognize when she is pushing my buttons, stop her and take a time out before talking to her.
(3) made a promise to her not to talk down to her and embarrass her in public. Asked her to tell me when she feels I have embarrassed her.
(4) publicly apologize to her if I fail at this goal



Goal #2: Make sure my daughter knows she is important through this seperation and divorce.

Target: daughter is happy and wants to spend time with me

Plan:
(1) eat lunch with her no less than once a month
(2) game night when she is with me
(3) plan a vacation or trip with her input
(4) no computer time when she is with me and awake (some exceptions for class work)
(5) no texting or extended conversations with my friends when she is with me for our time.


Goal #3: Lose weight and get into better shape

Target: 175 lbs +/- 3

Plan:
(1) run four times a week
(2) workout 4 times a week
(3) push ups and sit ups twice a day


Goal #4: Further my education and better myself (I have wanted this for 12 years)

Target: finish degree program in time allotted with minimum of 3.0

Plan
(1) Start my masters program
(2) Put the effort in to maintain no less than 3.0


Goal #5: Improve my knowledge of my situation and causes

Target: reach the point that I am confident that I have identified many of my mistakes which I could have prevented so has not to repeat them in this or another relationship

(1) research on internet
(2) continue to see therapist on occasion
(3) read a related and recommended book at least biweekly


Goal #6: Get a better job

Target: Get a job that is none shift work and a position more appropriate to my ability.

Plan:
(1) send out three resumes a week
(2) try to eat lunch at least once a month with a networking source
(3) interview people in key positions that would have indight to the jobs I am interviewing for.
(4) do not get discouraged or give up


Goal #7: Nurture my friendships

Target: double the number of friends that I currently have

Plan:
(1) join a meet up group
(2) spend time with friends (invite them out)
(3) stay in contact with friends that I have
(4) minimize the amount of time I talk about my relationship

Hi Kenn,
Thanks for the comment on my own thread. I have been reading along with your sitch since I started posting.

Your goals look very well thought out and I like the way you planned the steps towards meeting them. It seems you are able to focus you actions this way.

You have inspired me to rework my own goals I set at the beginning and get my 'plans' set out better for achieving them.

Keep up the good work!

So I talked to wife tonight. Gave her a copy of the relocation package. She talked about her plans in CO. regarding where she wants to live. Man does she drive me crazy.. or really it's me that drives me crazy.

I was doing so well until this last weekend with the whole Friday conversation. Then bang back to moving on. She is traveling to CO the first of next month and the first of the month after that. And I am pretty sure that the OM is visiting this month somewhere here since she is going out of town this weekend. Now that's an expensive "friendship".

That's not a joke...that's angry sarcassim.

I was doing so well detaching and fell right back in. I don't understand why I would want to work this out with this person. I have a great deal 50% custody of my daughter. Why can't I just shut the door on this person? AARRG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!