Thanks, Puppy, a rare and welcome compliment from Himself.
I go back-and-forth on the artillery prep of the financial battlefield question.
She's clearly concerned that I'll take the full boat on spousal support -- she's made that abundantly clear.
She does want to buy a new place -- the mortgage would actually be cheaper than comparable rent, so I can't argue with the logic -- and a good deal of her note-qualification would depend on how much she pays me over-and-above child support.
But by the same token she says "if you're uncomfortable with it you should get a lawyer." And there's no real edge in her voice when she's says it.
So it could go either way.
As for the nicey-nice talk, I'm inclined towards Polly's evaluation -- with Signore Schmuckatelli on his travel adventure and non-communicative the fog is thinner. Again, no jumping to Cloud 9, but I suspect -- even when I look at it with a doctor's eyes (as if I were such a thing -- hah!) -- that the nicey-nice talk is closer to the truth than she would have admitted last month.
I think the DB'ing is having some (+) effect, at least with respect to her evaluation of SP, and that she's less edgy in the house than she was. That, coupled with some of the shocks she's received from MC and S9's C re: just how angry the children will be... I think she's more regretful, perhaps, that we've come to this -- but that doesn't mean abandoning the course of action.
And at the end of the day if we can get along better, then better for the kids.
And we're both pretty frustrated individually in the conjugal department -- maybe she'll give me a roll just for Old Times' Sake.
You'll know soon enough. How she acts when she DOESN'T get her way on something -- or even if you're non-committal toward something (like "We'll see") . . . her true intentions will show.
I would just be wary. How is her VOICE? I believe that wayward spouses have this different voice they use -- one that perhaps you've never heard before. It's lilty, sing-songey even. Phony. Have you noticed that, and have you noticed how it's different when she's sincere with you?
Just a theory of mine, but it was certainly true in my wife's case. In fact, when I would listen to some audio recordings, it would literally make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. This was a woman who I'd been with for over 25 years, and I had NEVER heard the voice she was using. It wasn't her happy voice, nor her sad voice, nor her angry voice nor even her sexy voice. Not her "professional" voice that she puts on with her customers. Nothing I'd ever heard before . . . just different.
In fact, she had TWO new voices. One was when she was with/talking to OM (and again, it was different than any flirty or sexy voice she had ever used with me), and one was the "St. (Puppy's Wife's First Name)" voice, as I called it. That was was used with the kids, as in "(S10), Mommy made some nice homemade chocolate chip cookies, would you like some?"
Oh yeah, that one made me wanna HURL, when there were times when I knew that within the past 2-3 hours, she'd been fooling around with pimply-faced 29yo OM in a parking lot somewhere.
W just came back into house with kids and walked by my office door with S1. I was off the phone so called out (friendly) "How are you guys doing?" to which she replied in a weird, quiet, almost rude and dismissive monotone "fine"
When I hear the voice my impulse (quickly repressed) is to ask "WTF is up with you?"
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I'm going to have to say that these comments -- all the ones I've described in this thread so far -- have been in her usual voice. Quieter at times, edgier at times, but nothing the tone/key/whatever that made me look (or listen) twice.
Just rememeber at all times that the WAS lies. So even though we acknowledge that she has been pretty up front with you so far, she could spin on a coin if it means she achieves her self absorbed, me me me , you lot can go to h#$% happiness.
So be skeptical and watch your back at all times , as puppy may be right. Shes maybe paving the way for an easy transition into her new life.
Polly, I think that's sound advice. A question, tho -- how can one BE suspicious without LOOKING suspicious? (You'd think a SuperSpy like me would know that already....)
