Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis It's Complicated! Part 5

Ok had a good day with h today. We took the kids out to a playstructure and enjoyed lunch.

Then we watched the movie Twilight. A romance involving vampires. Weird movie, but seemed to be about some deep love. I don't think h cared for it. He kept saying remind me why I am watching this movie.

Now I picked the movie since I thought h would like it since it was about vampires and he enjoyed Blade from a long time ago, but this one was more romance. It was a different type of movie, but I enjoyed it. H was such a good sport though continuing to watch it and rub my back.

Before he left I said h are coming on Sat, he said do you want me to. Now he does seem to throw that out there on occassion. Not sure if he is testing or what. I always respond of course h. He said then he will be over. He said what time do you want me over. I said again what time h would you like to be here. He says 11am, then I say 11am it is.

I am getting good at this. We have plans tomorrow to take the kids to the park and then relax at home. Then back to work for me on Sunday. Oh well I knew the vacation would end some time.

Thanks all for stopping by.

Glam this is just a thought so please ignore if you have already done this or you feel it would not be right for you but along the lines of 180's.
Have you tried not asking if he is coming over or if he asks if you would like him too instead of always saying "of course" maybe say you have plans or he is welcome to come when you get back.
I know this would involve some planning as you have young children so maybe you could arrange for friends to come over and just say oh xyz will be here but you are welcome to join us.

As I said just a thought that maybe doing 180 would just make H realise that your life is no longer revolving around his and you are doing other stuff at times.
What a shame you have to start your working week on a Sunday. I guess we all have to be thankful we do have a job to go to whatever the day.
Enjoy the week end.

Glam, I have to agree with Naej on this one. I think you would do better if you made yourself LESS accessabile to your H. I think its great you are working out really hard, you can use that to your advantage.......... Remember what SUN TZU said "All warfare is based on deception"

I also think it would be a good 180 for you.....and for your Husband.

Thanks for that advice Naej. I am going to see how I can get that to fit in, since you are right that it involves childcare, but I do have a neighbor girl who can help.

Thanks BH for the workout encouragement. I am going to try to work out early am and then again in the pm. H has committed to a few days a week in the evening to go to the gym with me and the kids. This would be a new start for us.

Thanks BND for stopping by. I know that you have walked this path, so I value your insight.

I did get up and go jogging today around the neighborhood. It felt great. It was raining slightly, but that's ok, it still felt invigorating. I decided to start a 28 day detox on 4/13. This is after h and my birthday and I so want to give it a try and see what kind of results I get. I am hoping to shed a few pounds and gain more energy.

We were thinking of taking the kids to a park today, but it will probably rain today, so we will see what the afternoon weather brings.

Naej you are right, at the moment I just need to be thankful that I have a job. I don't mind the shift starting on Sunday, since I do save in childcare on Fridays which is one of the reasons I said I don't mind working the shift they needed at my job. It pays the bills for now and I will know where I stand at the end of April on my job status.

Just taking it day by day, step by step.

I have been reading this book, bikini fit. Not that I really want to be in a bikini, but getting some great ideas from the book.

It talks about skin healthy and exfoliating your skin weekly. I bought a pair of the exfoliating gloves and have been using them with some body scrubs this week. My skin feels fabulous.

I also made a mixture of a banana and avocado and put that on my hair for 10 min. My hair feels fabulous too. It was great if you can stand the smell and food in your hair, but it does wash out. It also made my hair appear thicker. You have to wash really well though. I have shoulder length hair so I had lots to wash out.

Just trying to keep my body and mind as healthy as I can. It's good for the self esteem too.

H should be here shortly. My real goal is to really try and get 10 pounds off my body.

Well I will try to not be dissappointed. It was noon and h still hadn't arrived, so I check my phone. Sure enough early today h sends a text that says couldn't sleep last night, won't be coming today, see you tomorrow.

Here we go again. H is his worst victim. Rather than not coming later, he chooses not to come at all. I am sure it is more of the depression talking vs not sleeping. I wish my h could shake the depression that has such a grip over his life. It's almost as if, it has become his crutch, but it's also like he is paralyzed to fight back.

There is much more than just meds to fight depression. My h will need to dig deep to want to conquer this and improve his life. It's as if he stands idely by and allows the depression to consume him. He will need to try new tactics if he wants to have more of a life than he has. So sad!

Not so sure what I can do to help him? Any ideas?

have your own plans for tomorrow?????

Glam., listen to me on this one. I have noticed some changes in you. Increasing the exercise, trying the new stuff in the hair, detox diet. I am sure your H has noticed them to. Why not let him notice a few more? Make your OWN plans tomorrow. The first day you are supposed to go with him to workout, go alone, tell him you forgot that he was going with you. Don't answer his texts or calls for a couple of days. Make it SEEM like its no big deal that he isn't comming over. Follow me on this one? If you continue down the road you are traveling you are going to continue to end up where you are. Take a different path for a bit, what do you have to lose?

ANew and BH thanks for your input. Tomorrow won't work, since I actually have to work, but you are both right my life needs to change and for the better or I will be sitting here a year from now saying the same thing. BH I have nothing to lose.

BH I am so motivated to lose 10 pounds. Not for my h, but for me. I really like how my clothes are fitting now that I have been working out. I will make plans for me, not for my h and change things up.

I think I will take the kids to the gym tonight. It's a great way to spend time with them and I get a work-out in too.

Thanks for that outside perspective. Sometimes you are just so close to the situation that you can't see the forest for the trees.