MC, hi, haven't checked in for awhile, sorry. But I loved your observation about spending family time with no distractions, that is so KEY. What a great way to bond. I have to remember that one!
PM, I'm glad you liked that!!
Not much going on; the W took the kids for the weekend. This is the first time since she left in Sept 08 that she's taken the kids for a WHOLE weekend. Last night she asked if she could come over after we get home so that she could see the kids and help clean my house. She asked if I would accept her help. She's offered this before; but never shown. We'll see if it happens.
Right now, I'm planning on giving her a settlement proposal in the very near future. After that, I'll file my BK. I decided to go this route as my vacant house in OH is due for the sheriff's sale on Wed. Kinda late to save it; not that I wanted it anyway.
{{{Tom}}} Glad you checked in..so what did you do with yourself for the whole weekend?? I hope you enjoyed it
File BK = bankruptcy I'm assuming?? LOL..don't know the shorthand on that one! I hope you are ok with that, I know you hate to lose anything, even if you didn't really want the house in the first place..I hope that many new doors open for you that are so much better than these that are closing my friend..you DESERVE it!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
{{Tom}} gotcha..still it's interesting how our lives twist and turn in ways we couldn't imagine with all of these changes eh..so I am still hoping wonderful doors open for you
Hope you are doing well my friend!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Hey, mC!!! I'm making the rounds and inviting everyone to my place for an ice cream (or chocolate shake if you prefer) breakfast and a beach trip on Saturday in honor of my birthday (I'm boycotting the V-day part of the day this year). I'll be 39!!!! Bring the kids and meet us there!
Hope you are having a GREAT day!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Last weekend, the W took the kids for a WHOLE weekend. The first time she's done this since she split last September. She took them to her sister's house. Found later this past week, that she dropped them off there and went to Cincy for a B-day party. She didn't even stay there with them. All the while, she led me to believe that she was spending time with them. So my sympathy for her not getting time with the kids now dissipates.
We went this whole week with nary a phone call until this morning. She had asked me last Sunday if she could come out and help clean the house since she "quit" her job and had the time. She was a no show.
So this morning she calls and wants to talk to the kids. S7 didn't want to talk to her. D4 talked for 10 seconds. Then W asks if she could come see them Sunday afternoon and Monday. I replied that they had school Monday. She decided that she would come over Sunday afternoon. I said OK. Then I get a text from her. What followed is a two hour texting convo that had some R talk in it. I've posted it below: It's long; but I guess I want you guys to look at it. I believe this to be my last try at this marriage; but mostly, I feel God wanted me to say these things: W is in Red and I'm in blue
Hey, I was thinkn we could sit down and dscuss a ssettlement on monday while kids r at school...what do u think?
Sounds like a great idea Ok...sorry I didn't come out this past week...busy w interviews and wrkn on my resume plan on coming out a cupl dayz next week to help w the house if your still ok with that
If we're going to be divorced, I'd rather you didn't. KNow what I mean? It would be like me coming over to your place to help out. Kinda weird??
Yeah I see what you mean...well I would like to see the kids more often..more than just weekends maybe a cupl times a week they don't have to spend the night. But I would like to have dinner w them and possible take them to church on Wed nights
We can work something out.
Ok...I really miss them..so much it hurts...but I'm not willing to have them be raised by babysitters like my sis and I were
I agree. That's why I fought for so long for them to be raised by their mother AND father just how God intended.
I know you did the best you could and trust me this hasn't been easy for me either...but our marriage was damaged before it started...that's my fault, not yours
But Faith and trust in God can overcome any obstacle in THIS world. And, trust me, He would have to work hard on me to change course at this point, so it's not like I'm pressing to stay married. These are just thoughts that I feel God has placed upon my heart and I would be doing us both a disservice if I didn't mention them. Since you seem to be interested in Church, I just wanted to say that. The individual in me just wants out; but I know I miss my family and I know God would rather we keep our family!!
I hear ya and it weighs on me and I appreciate your honesty...and I know God really wants us to stay married too and its the same w me...I the individual want out and believe me, I have considered a reconciliation but for all the wrong reasons..and God really wouldn't like that I don't think...yeah I'm getting back to God and reclaiming my faith and asking Him to help me through this...cuz its the hardest thing I've ever had to do
Well that's good to hear...just keep your heart open to what He tells you...I pray for you and our family every night. I pray for Him to place upon my heart what is His will!!Not mine!! My will may not coincide with His. The hardest part of life is living according to His will. The Bible teaches us to put aside our worldly and flesh-driven desires, to live as God commands. I know that's hard and sacrificial. That's why He would have to work hard on me. There's a small part of my open to reconciliation, but most of me feels great about my future!! I've really been enjoying myself. Sometimes though, I feel guilty about that. Like I've given up on my family.
You didn't give up, I did and I carry a lot of guilt around for that...it says in the Bible that those who commit adultery shall not enter the Kingdom of Heaven. and that weighs heavily on my soul and my conscience..so I've eliminated any sins of the flesh and that hasn't been easy but it's the right thing to do.
Yes, it is the right thing to do...God also forgives all who sin..and as a husband He commands me to do the same...and that would require time, patience, and a lot of help from Him. But "W" we're only in this world for a short time. What we do in this world is preparing us for the next one. I'm trying to live accordingly. I want to spend eternity in Heaven. All we can do is just keep seeking Him out, live out His will, pray and what is right will follow.
Well said...I have no doubt that u could forgive me but forgiving me and trusting me r two very different things.
And you would be right on the money with that...could I trust you?.. r u willing to do what is necessary to be trusted?...am I willing to do what is required to trust you again without making you feel controlled and under constant surveillance?...am I willing to let go a few friends myself?...these are some of the obstacles in front of me.
Well I havent' gotten rid of any "friend" and I'm not sure what I want right now I just need to work on me for a while.
That's a good thing too...working on ourselves...anyway got to get the kids some lunch. Thanks for the convo. We'll see ya tomorrow!!
No problem.
All of that took place over the course of two hours...now what?? I guess my conscience is clear...that I've said my piece about what God would have us do rather than what we, as individuals, would like to do. I don't think it changes anything. I'm still looking forward to getting out of this toxic M; we'll see what the settlement discussions have in store.
BTW, I had a great Valentine's Day with my D4. Took her to see the ballet perform Cinderella. She just started ballet and it was a joy to watch her watch the show.
{{{{MC}}}}} I'm glad your D4 enjoyed the ballet..I bet that was something really special that will stick with the both of you for a long time
Wow about the convo with your wife..sounds like you both got to say some good and healthy things..which is great isn't it?? Even if it just helped you to KNOW that you KNOW you said what you felt needed to be said
Hugs!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
As you say, you said some things that needed to be said. I personally think you were a little too NICE to her, but hey, that's just our righteous indignation rising up for ya b/c we've seen you fight so hard.
Personally, I think your wife is FOS. She SAYS all the right things, but -- oh yeah -- "I'm not willing to give up my 'friend'."
Yes, Jesus forgave the adultress. But He also said very clearly "Go and sin no more."
Your wife sounds sad, wistful, confused. But she DOESN'T sound repentant to me. My sister has a saying: God will fix you, but He has to BREAK you first," and you have to ALLOW yourself to be broken.
She came over last night (with beer..which means she wanted to talk) and discussed this in more detail. She mentioned that as much as she has thought about recon. she doesn't trust herself to be faithful; and she doesn't want to put me and the kids through that again. Which I agreed was best.
She also detailed her struggle with God and quoted various parts of the Word that condemn her. I can tell from this that she has obviously been in the Word as these are Scripture that we never shared together. I'm happy that she's searching. She still thinks that God may want her to be in a better place individually before she would reconcile; while I can't judge her feelings on the matter, I think she's being misled.
I told her that there is NO way she could work on herself, in regards to reconciliation, while she's in the midst of an affair. She believes that her R with this guy is God-driven; again I told her that I think she's being misled by the Devil. But if she's adamant that she doesn't want to drop him and come back to the family; that I was done discussing it as I had stated what God had placed upon my heart.
Again, she mentioned that after she's "worked on herself" that she hopes it isn't too late for us. Her 5 year plan!! I had no response.
All in all, I think last night was an attempt to determine if I was still "in-wait." She still talks to her GFs like she always has and started discussing her social life again; like I was her BFF. She has not changed; but if she's really searching for God, I pray she finds Him.
Today, she is supposed to come over while the kids are at school and we are to strike up a settlement. Pray for me that I can be strong and do what's best for my kids.
