Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 6

"I think she is rushing to leave. I told her I love her so much that I want her to feel free to leave on 3/20. She's planning on leaving 4/17 - the week after my oldest turns 7. That seems pretty rushed to me"

I disagree. How long have you been posting? That's when she said she wanted to leave. But she's still there. My W said she wanted out and she was gone within 24 hours. Look through many of the other threads, their spouses all left in a week or two. Your W has been around for a few months. It's definitely not a rush.

"All my friends feel she is truly done and will not be looking back. I must accept that as a reality. "

It's a reality but not an inevitability.

"Any suggestions on how to make the most of the 3 weeks we have left in the house together?"

Yes. Continue with your changes. Even if she doesn't acknowledge them she still can see them. Be polite and listen to her when she's talking. Don't walk around all mopy and sad-eyed. Live your life already as if she wasn't around. It will be the hardest thing you can do, but you can do it. Don't let her goad you into an R talks or fights. Continue to stand for your M, but don't stand against her. It means to stand for your ideal but not to be confrontational to her about it.

Ask her out to do things together with the kids or even with you if she's up to it with the agreement that you will not bring up anything about the R. You want to leave her with a good impression of you.

Do not initiate any more hugs, kisses, etc. Don't enable her by going overboard to help her. Things like that.

I agree with stuck ^.

You have done everything you can so far. Be proud of yourself for that. Now you need to detach so that you can handle the separation with dignity.

Keep working on yourself.

I can debate whether this is rushed or not but that is neither here nor there. The bottom line is she is leaving 4/17. She had stayed long enough to realize it was time to leave. Perhaps it would have been better if she left on Jan 9th. Who knows

We are still interacting as if there was no divorce/separation looming. She got home and was not feeling well. I tried to be compassionate as she layed on the sofa. I covered her with a blanket and asked her if she needed anything. I got her some medicine and picked up dinner.
During dinner we talked and laughed as any other Fri.

I am making the most of the next 3 weeks

CIPA, you're picking up that "oh woe is me" vibe again. We've all been where you are and you know what? There's nothing you can do about it in terms of your spouse. Take this time to do what you want to do.

Since you've first posted, you jot down how many weeks left until she leaves. You have to get that timeline out of your head so you can make use of the time that you do have. Let me put it to you this way...if there was a person that was terminally ill and they were told they had 1 week to live. Would you lay there and count the minutes until it happened, or would you make every second count?

That's how you have to take it. There's your 2x4.

Go back and read your other posts where you were more assertive. That's what you have to do. Remember you can't control her. But you control how you choose to act and what to do.

Stuck808,

That's a good point about the woe's me attitude. I was feeling sorry for myself.

My wife and I actually had a good nite after we put the kids to bed. We chatted lightly about a joke she sent me and we watched a couple of sitcoms we haven't seen in a while. I still had a headache from my bug but she offered some medicine to help.

She asked for a hug to crack her back. I gave it to her but then she held on for a bit. I hugged/rubbed her back for a bit more before I broke away. I didn't try to kiss her.

After the shows, she said good nite and went upstairs. I thanked her again for all her help when I was sick yesterday.

It was a good nite

That's right. just take it one day at a time.

you can do it.

That's right. just take it one day at a time.

you can do it.

Thanks Stuck

Tomorrow my mom is coming to visit. I know I will need to cut her off early to not hound my wife about what's going on. My wife actually told me my mom called what she was doing stupid

I've got to figure out a way to get the message out that even though I don't agree with the decision, I must accept and respect the decision to seperate. If expect our friends and family to do likewise and appreciate any support/prayers for both of us during this time.

I just need to figure out a way to say it without sounding like I'm blaming my wife. Any thoughts/suggestions?

We already have family things planned for each weekend. I would love to go out on a date with her before she moves but wouldn't that be consideed pursuing?

Spellfire

Thanks for checking in

I know the time till she moves out will be a true test on me. I guess the next thing is how to proceed with trying to DB while we're seperated.