Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Saving Military Marriage - 3

Thank you Dr H. It is his first deployment. He mainly stays on the FOB - so he does see some action but I don't believe it's overwhelming.

We have been keeping it light recently and it was working out great. We were able to small talk w/o R talks. He was initiating communication more. I hope our R talk yesterday didn't do too much damage and we'll eventually pick up our friendship again.

SMW - That is a great passage. It reminds you the reason we are fasting. Fasting is going ok. I've made some small mess up but continue to fast. After talking with my H yesterday, I feel a strong conviction to put my whole heart & mind into it. It would take a mighty act by God to save my H and our M so I must fast accordingly.

Fit--

I understand about the need to fast mightily as we need the Lord to work mightily. I will post an update on my thread about the struggles I had yesterday.

Stand strong and know that God is with us and Jesus is our intercessor.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

I haven't felt this way in a long time - which shows I'm healing.

But I'm just sick to my stomach. I am a mess today. I have been doing so good but this whole situation just tears me apart.

I think it's the sense of loss that's hitting me today. It's so hard to watch all your dreams with someone disappear. Especially just getting married, you are so hopeful of your future together and then it just gets taken away. I feel like I'm waiting to wake up from a bad dreams sometimes - like all of this is just a mean joke.

It's been awhile since I've had such an emotional day - which is a good thing. But it's never any fun when you have them. Luckily I had an early day at work, will go home for a good cry, and hopefully get on with my day.

Fit -- Just because H doesn't go outside the wire much doesn't mean he's not under a tremendous amount of stress. The environment alone is a stressor. Because you just never know. In a weird way it's easier for the full-combat-arms guys because they KNOW they're not in control and can adapt to that, at least during the deployment. Because they at least get out into the street -- they see Iraqis, they see something like the "normal life" we were supposed to be creating for those folks. And when they're in action, they're all about the action.

But for the Support guys, there's frustration at the Groundhog Day like nature of life on the FOB -- oh, look, a line at the sh*tter. Hardly ever see that. Oh, look, hard-boiled eggs in the chow hall. Hardly ever see that. Oh, look, a mortar attack. Hardly ever see that. No matter what the MOS, the Support guys actually get a kind of envy of the combat-arms guys. At least THEY are doing a "mission." What am I doing? Turning a wrench. I could be doing that back at Fort Bliss or wherever.

So he's under a lot of stress and going through a lot of changes even though he might not know it.

And I'll use myself as an example. I was too old and of too high a rank and of too much of some other stuff to go around kicking in doors. But when I came back from OIF I was completely checked out -- totally disassociative -- which started me on the path to this board.

Everything's fine at home. You're fine. The truck is fine. It's fine, fine, fine. Tell him light-hearted stories. Hook him up with some dip or some magazines or some red twists or whatever. But DON'T try to manage the relationship from 12 time zones away.

Just DB. Do YOUR work for YOU. And let him start remembering what he's missing.

Fit--

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I did not listen to the recording until this morning. Perhaps if i had listened yesterday I would not have been so down last night.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

Dr. H--

Your words are so good for us military spouses to hold onto. My DH is floating around the Gulf and I have tried to not give him all the crap from home unless it was stuff he absolutely had to know about--D17 running away, D9 being diagnosed with ADD, GAD, and depression. He NEEDS to know this so he knows what to expect when he gets home.

The fact that S3 broke a window--nope he did not need to know. The fact that the kids miss him so much they sleep together at night--nope, did not need to know. The fact that our great-nephew dropped the toilet paper holder down the toilet--might tell him that cause it was funny.

Thank you for being so open for us.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

My H does call it groundhog day :-). He says he is very bored. His unit has had some unexpected things happen and it has scared my H a lot. He called me after 2 of the events I guess for comfort & to tell someone about it. I completely understand what you're saying. We were both civilians who walked off the street after grad school and joined the military - so it's a whole new ball game for him. It's a lot to adjust to....

I agree with SMW. Even though I am in the military, I have not deployed and do not understand the harsh reality of it all. This is a time they need steady support. Thanks for sharing your thoughts & experiences.