It's hard for me to tell you to pressure her, because that is what everyone else says NOT to do. I'm just saying it worked on me. We all end up in stitches where we could have chosen better. That's part of what this Phoenix Process is. To realize it, and apply it for next time, because there will be other stitches in which we will be challenged. We all have to learn from this experience and be better people for it, otherwise, what was the point?
I can't even begin to guess about how to pressure her "the right way". That is something that probably only you know her well enough to guess about.
But. If she keeps telling you she had a really really good time, then it IS the right thing to do again.
Do what works, remember? And don't do what doesn't work.
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
What I don't like as much though is that it's natural to beg out in this situation. His wife would see it as a sign that he's crushed or too angry to do this. I just like it when you get the opportunity to show that you could care less what your spouse is doing, that you are in control of yourself. Know what I mean?
I totally agree with this.
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
Don't you think that (going on the date) would come across as needy and clingy?
I might have missed some things from previous, but under these conditions I don't think it would appear needy and clingy: 1) This was already arranged so it's expected (despite her remorsefulness of last night) 2) He can tone down these emotions and eliminate all expectations. It has to be, "what the hay, I have nothing better going on" type attitude 3) There isn't going to be talking about the relationship or talking about forgiveness. You can't forgive what you don't know about. 4) It's short, sweet, and is basically hanging out in a relaxed manner. 5) If this isn't a date that was already set, or if he's unable to do exactly what's written above, then I agree...needy and clingy and desperate for his wife.
That being said, if handled right (ie he either just doesn't bring up this "date" or he begs out with "something has come up") then not doing the date is fine too. What I don't like as much though is that it's natural to beg out in this situation. His wife would see it as a sign that he's crushed or too angry to do this. I just like it when you get the opportunity to show that you could care less what your spouse is doing, that you are in control of yourself. Know what I mean?
Yeah, I guess one way to look at it is, EITHER WAY he has to pull off the "what the hay" attitude ANYWAY, so he can either do that or he can't. And if he CAN, then the date might be beneficial for some of the reasons you all have mentioned.
Now . . . who SAYS Puppy never changes his mind???
That being said, if handled right (ie he either just doesn't bring up this "date" or he begs out with "something has come up") then not doing the date is fine too. What I don't like as much though is that it's natural to beg out in this situation. His wife would see it as a sign that he's crushed or too angry to do this.
I was kinda of leaning toward this line of thinking as well. There's nothing saying that she won't cancel though. I hope she's not that conflicted. I would like to go out in public with a beautiful female and have a good time.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Ok, I'll think about this one some more. I think however, I'll have to wait for the situation to present itself. As someone indiciated earlier, I think she is close to spilling the beans. There probably is not right way to do this. It's probably dependent on the person. And she did tell me she had a good time-- several times in fact.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Yeah, I guess one way to look at it is, EITHER WAY he has to pull off the "what the hay" attitude ANYWAY, so he can either do that or he can't. And if he CAN, then the date might be beneficial for some of the reasons you all have mentioned.
I can pull it off. I did well on the last date.
Quote:
Now . . . who SAYS Puppy never changes his mind???
Talking about yourself in third person? Dangerous!!!!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I will stand by my original advice, I would not go out with someone that put that load on me and then not tell me what the load is. I would at least condition it, I would get myself back in control of the R.
That said, it could work out anyway, and these are suggestions by everyone that you have to take and figure out for yourself what is best for your particular sitch.
I see your point as well and am still considering it. I'm not making any rash decisions at this point. Like I said before, she may cancel anyway and this discussion will be for naught. We'll see. What't the worst thing that could happen? She can't leave me again until she comes back. Thank you so much for your prayers. I'll take all that I can get at this point.
John
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Last time you went out you weren't so weak seeming. After the first post on this thread, I'm not so sure. When you get to the point where it isn't "OMG! OMG!" I'll feel better about things. Say you do go out with her and she opens up and says, "yeah, I've had sex a couple times, and I'm pregnant", what then? I'm not sure you are ready for the worst she can throw at you. So, in that regard, I kind of hope that she does cancel....so you can practice feeling like "oh well. No biggie." Whatever cross she is choosing to bear, it's her deal. Got it? You'll be fine with whatever happens.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
