Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis We have made it to the other side 4

Treese

There is nothing that you can do right now. Just continue to GAL and try to keep busy. Your H isn't ready for any kind of R with anyone right now including the ow, even if it seems like he is happy and content. His mind is a scrambled mess right now. The only reason I know this is because of what my H told me after all of this was over. He regretted ever getting involved with the ow. He was a mess and was searching for something. This is all a part of MLC. One day the fog will clear from your H's brain and he will again come down to earth and realise what he has missed.

Y

Thanks YR....I'm just trying to live 1 day at a time....it's hard sometimes & sometimes I'm just peachy...just when spring starts to arrive I start to remember what we used to do & getting things ready for the yard and now I'm on my own to do it....I'm going to do it up my way....I will make it beautiful...

Mother's Day is around the corner too....Last thing I got was my journey necklace and my D16 lost it....I remember asking him if he could get me another one...he said, NO....our journey was over...

And if he's not ready for a relationship even with the OW, why has he been with her for 2 years & going on vacation with her? He does seem happy...I know, I know, I'm sure it's all for my benefit....being happy makes me think he's happy...right?

Thanks for always listening YR....you have really helped me through some tough times.... MAH

Treese

The R with the ow is all based on lies. That is the way I feel. My H was with the ow over 2 years too. Believe me it isn't a bed of roses over there. Just think of it this way, she has to put up with all of his moodiness right now( and I know it isn't pleasant) and not you.

Live your life right now my buddy, it will get easier!

Y

YR, Treese, Snodderly
Thanks for the post, even though it was for Treese. I too am going through alot of the feelings she is. This is so damb hard. Really!

I too have went NC. I don't call him anymore for ANYTHING. Alot of the exuses I had to call I have realized my mental health is more important. If we lose a calf because H didn't check them today, well HE was supposed to. If he didn't work some this week, I'll have to buckle down tighter next week. I guess recent events of him staying away and then calling on the weekends for sex, then feeling OW is back, gave me the strength to finally let go. Enough pain. Enough abuse. I've allowed way too much.

Please, please Treese listen to these woman. Go out there and find a life for you. Leave H to MLC, OW, or whatever else he has chosen for himself. There REALLY REALLY is nothing more we can do to save our M's. After 2 years, it's past time...

(((Treese)))
Luv, TOH

YR just curious as to how your h's R ended with ow. Did he just say one day it's over or what? Did she try to get him back when it ended? How soon after he was home, did you see the old h emerging?

Just wondering!

Treese,

My heart goes out to you. I know this is hard. I know the unknown is hard.

BUT

Life is precious. Your life is precious. Life can also be very short. You have to take what you have now and make the very best of it. No matter what happens in your situation you will regret wasting these years thinking about the OW and your H.

They simply are not worth it.

At this time, they can no longer rent the space in your head.

Thinking of you.......
Trusting

Hey, Treese! (YR, I know this is your thread and I'm sorry for the hi-jack).

Treese, I am so in the same shoes you are emotionally right now!!!! I know what I need to do and are doing it as far and PMA, NC, etc. But, it seems like just when I feel like I am getting a hold of things, something happens and my emotions ambush me and I feel like it's so hopeless, and then I get really mad at myself for allowing H that power over me!

It's just so galling that they seem to be allowed to happily take a vacation from life and we're supposed to hold down the forty and smile and cheer them on even though they have shattered our very soul in a way that we know we will never fully recover from. And it's hard to believe that under it all they could actually be suffering.

But, my friend, we also know that this is all un-productive thinking, and that we do nothing but hurt ourselves with it. We both have so much to be thankful for we're strong and we'll make it through this. But it so very very hard! I know!

YR and Snodderly, thank you both so very much for your continued wise mentorship and encouragement of all of us here. It is so very much needed and appreciated (even if it seems we don't listen sometimes).........if either of you has a spare moment to stop over on my thread, I could sure use some of your sage wisdom. A lot of stuff going on over the past week and I still feel shell shocked from it all. So many emotions......not sure which way is up sometimes.......

[[[[[[[[[[hugs to all]]]]]]]]]]

I just wanted to say "Treese", I am right there with you. I am ALREADY divorced but it happened so fast, I still feel like I am married. I am still grieving. I also agree that if they are happy, they SURE know how to hide it.
Let me ask you, do either of you go to church? Because in the past few days this is where I have received my peace. GOD WILL give you peace and joy from this IF you let him. I PROMISE! I am a good example. Go and read my threads. Until I gave it ALL to GOD, and I feel like I have, I didnt have peace. I continue to pray daily for my xh. I pray that the blinders be lifted and I believe they will....on GOD'S time NOT OURS! We have to pass our test of faith. We cant lose our faith. Go read the story of JOB in the bible and you will see what I mean.
This weekend I will be tested again, because my teenage son is going out of town with xh and OW. I am giving my fight to GOD. I know its the only way I will remain sane.
I know my xh has a right to see ow, we are divorced on paper, but to me I still feel married.
This IS hard, no one said it was easy, BUT we will be alright, IF we give it to GOD. You have to do this, it is very important. I have realized this MORE in the past few days than ever before and I have seen him at work!
I would say I am sorry for preaching to you, bur I am NOT.

Snodderly and others are so kind to me, they are truly special!
Yellowrose stop by my thread and read what I wrote tonight and give me your opinion please. Snodderly usually reads it, but just thought I would invite you too.

Joy and Peace,
Renee

YR, how long do they go on saying that they are NEVER coming home. We are 6 months into this, and my xh told my son the other day, that it was never gonna happen. Just wondering how long they say stuff like this?

Hey all.....

YR & Snodderly....I agree that you both have always given us the best advice....we are truly listening...I think we just come here mainly to vent, to feel better, to know we're not the only ones..that's what helps me....to know I'm not alone in this world of MLC..

I try to not let them have space in my brain but it's when I'm alone and feeling down that it settles in...I just would never treat my worst enemy this way...

O,,,YR...my H's OW doesn't really have to put up with anything...she has the good H.....she has him when she wants him and going on vacation with him...they have good conversation, according to him she listens, she has accepted him for everything, including his other son..so why wouldn't he love her...I'm the evil one, who is having a hard time accepting it all, but was never given a chance to...never knew about it for 9 flippin years....and I'm told to let the past go, just like that..I know I can't change it but at least give me the time I need to absorb it all...geezzzz.....I'm exhausted mentally....my brain is working overtime....but I'm working on that...really putting myself in to my daughter's wedding...sometimes I wish I didn't even have to invite him....bad, I know but geez, ..

I"m not looking for sympathy from anyone...I played my part obviously in all this...but never to the point I thought would end my marriage...stupid stuff...no one wins in these situations, just lots of hurt and pain....

Weekend, H is taking son on Saturday for the night...I may go shopping...not sure...I don't want to sit at home alone...I asked friends but all are going out with their spouses or BF...

Shopping always makes me feel good....

And, Sunshine....I do pray...lots...my faith is very strong..it has to be to get us through this...I talk to my priest often...he's wonderful....

Thanks everyone....