Well, I survived the birthday party. In fact, I think I might have pulled off my best DB effort yet. My friends said I looked good, the house looked good, and in fact, one of the girls said when he left that "You are more woman than me. I never could have pulled that off." But, I guess that's because I now know the marriage is over, and I don't have to worry about what I do. And what he thinks about what I do. That's liberating!
I did have a few moments where I just thought to myself, "I don't think he's who I want to spend my life with anyway!" One of those came when he asked for water to water down his low-calorie Gatorade. He said that he had to cut calories where he could. The drink only has like 70 calories in it anyway. So, I just laughed and said, "Wow, it must suck to be you." I mean to be that obsessed with calories can't be any fun...he's thin, he runs, he goes to the gym...he could handle a 70 calorie Gatorade with no problem! It was a birthday party...so, I had cake and ice cream and didn't worry for a second what he might be thinking about that...I didn't care.
Then, a little later we were talking about all the toys the boys have, and he suggested that I get a chest of drawers and assign them each 2 drawers. And, that whatever didn't fit in those drawers should be tossed. I just laughed and said, "Actually, we don't mind the mess so much. We are really laid back at our house...we just go with the flow. I certainly wouldn't want the kids to have to give up anything that matters to them right now, would you?"
Just weird...he was never this way before. If he had been, we wouldn't have made it through the 1st year. It's almost like he's picked the things to not like about me, and he's gonna make sure that he reminds us both every chance he gets that he doesn't like them...that we are just that different...even though we didn't used to be.
For example, when we were seeing a counselor about a year before the bomb, he told the counselor how much he hated that I didn't keep the car cleaned out. Last weekend when I was helping S3 get into his truck, I noticed how messy his truck was...I even commented to S3 about it. I think H heard, but I don't care!
When he left, he told my friend's H that he had to get to work. Are you kidding? On a Saturday night? I'm pretty certain he was not working...and, if he wasn't, why did he feel the need to announce that he was?
It doesn't matter. It's just weird.
We did have an exchange on Friday when I emailed him the promissory note for the business shares purchase and told him we could see the attorney on April 7th to file. He said he wouldn't sign the promissory note, and that he was sorry I had wasted my money having it drawn up. He said that he may have sucked at keeping his personal promises, but he'd always kept his professional ones. (I don't understand how he can separate the two like that????). Then he said that his day was pure h3ll and went further to say that every day at work had been like that since he bought the business.
I don't know why that upset me so. But, I cried. I guess it was for two reasons. He's made such a mess of my life and the kids' lives that I guess at some level I want him to be happy so that it will have been worth it for some of us anyway. And, I also find it sad that he's so unhappy at work. Our marital struggles started when he bought the business. I don't see how he doesn't realize that his unhappiness at work likely had more to do with the marriage collapse than with anything else. He sees the two as completely unrelated!
At any rate, after I got myself together I sent an email response that said, "I hate that you are having such a bad day and that things at work aren't going as well as you would like. To be honest, my life was much happier before you bought the business too. I liked when things were simpler. If you can't sign this promissory note, please come up with another one. I'm sure you have kept your professional promises, but I have only dealt with you personally. So, I'm sure you can see why I need a legal paper where you pledge your promise to pay me this money. Please just put something together and send it to me. I'm tired of doing this mess for you. No matter how good my financial settlement may look on paper, I've still lost the one thing that was most important to me...my family. So, you do this paper, and I'll have my attorney review it."
So, Tuesday of next week, we'll file for divorce. About 60 days after that, it will be final. Who would have thought I'd have made it this far, and that I could sit here and type about my impending divorce without shedding tears! But, I can!!! Life will go on, and mine will be happy. And, my boys will be okay...I'll teach them right from wrong. And, I'll make sure that the other adults in their life (at least the exposure that I can control) will reinforce those teachings.
I hope everyone has a great week!!! Happy Monday (if there's any such thing) to you all!!
Love ya!! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
I wondered how the B'day party would go with jerkface in attendance. Glad things went well!
Good on you for calling him on the promissory note. If he doesn't sign it, it holds up his precious D, simple as that. Sorry, a promise and a handshake does not cut it with someone who is already known to have lied to you repeatedly.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
PPPPSSSSTTT check out the pic on my new thread!
Last edited by StrgMarvelousWmn; 03/30/0905:44 PM.
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Amy, so glad the party went well! Sorry to hear he's being a jerk about the business. I had a little taste of that myself last night when xBF and I were discussing financial settlement. Why don't they understand that, as SMW said, we don't trust them on their word when they've proven themselves to be liars again and again? Sheesh.
Hope you're having a great day!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I hear you about not recognizing your WAS sometimes... I liked it better too when things were simpler about 5 years ago... Sounds like you're in good mindset though regarding the whole situation!
I did have a few moments where I just thought to myself, "I don't think he's who I want to spend my life with anyway!" One of those came when he asked for water to water down his low-calorie Gatorade. He said that he had to cut calories where he could. The drink only has like 70 calories in it anyway. So, I just laughed and said, "Wow, it must suck to be you." I mean to be that obsessed with calories can't be any fun...he's thin, he runs, he goes to the gym...he could handle a 70 calorie Gatorade with no problem!
What??
Is he trying to look good in a swimsuit, or something?
Hi Sweetie, as usual you are doing a super job! I know it is not easy....but you ARE doing it day by day. You are detaching, and it is still painful, but you are getting through all this mess and I think you are feeling sorry for H b/c it is obvious that he has made such a awful decision for his life and yet he is so stubborn and you need to be prepared to see him go down hill. You are right, you and the boys are going to be fine b/c you have handled yourself with dignity, grace, and integrity. I believe God honors that in a person's life. Your H, on the other hand, feels it necessary to continue to lie to you and to his friends and is not dealing with the business the way he should and who knows what all is going on in his personal life? So.....it stands to reason that there will not be much good coming his way. Just brace yourself and know that there may be times that you will still feel some emotions b/c you are a very "caring" person and even though he has been a jerk and treated you like poop.....your heart is so big and you can't help it... and I wouldn't have you be any other way b/c you would not be our Amy.
Proud of the way your pulled off the Bday party and handled everything perfectly. You just keep getting better. As you said, who would have thought you could have been in this place and doing this good a few months ago? As long as you recognize where your strength comes from and keep your priorities in order, you will fly!
Love ya, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
((((Sandi)))) Hope you are feeling good today. And, you are absolutely right about from where my strength comes. God's taking care of me for sure! We are doing good. I'm on the right path now, and my priorities are in proper order. Thanks for keeping up with me!
((((mC)))) Now that you mention it, that's exactly what he's doing!! I guess when you are involved in an R that is mostly based on how you both look in a swimsuit, it's extremely important that you make sure you look as good as she does, right? As Tawnya said when she was here visiting...I'm glad I'm not that girl anymore!! Hope you are doing well.
((((Sam)))) I'm doing good. And, I'm working to make sure I continue to simplify my life so I can enjoy it more. I have to say, that even though I miss having my family together, already things at my house are more enjoyable...a lot less stress here! Have a good day!
((((pearl)))) Yeah...how could you trust them with anything. I worry about my boys now when they are with him...never worried about that before he's always been a good dad. But, he was also a good husband once, so, who knows! Hope you are doing well...I haven't read up this morning yet, but, I'm rooting for you either way you go.
((((SMW)))) Thanks! I'm gonna have to be a "witch" about the promissory note. I've been really easy going throughout this whole process, but this is one I have to demand. My attorney keeps reminding me that it won't likely just be H I'm dealing with in the future...but that OW will also be involved in his financial matters. So, even if I did trust H (which I can't), I certainly can't trust her with my future! I'm hoping you had an okay night and have a good day today. God will work things out...I'm certain of that!
((((Tawnya)))) Thanks...I can always count on you for hugs and cheerleading! And, yes, we are much stronger than we realized. Sandi's right, my strength certainly comes from God and from knowing I'm doing what He would have me do. I hope your day is awesome even if you have to work!
I'm glad to have you all as my friends...it's so nice to be thought about and cared for!
Love y'all!!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
And, just when things seem to be getting better again...
Tonight when we said our prayers before bed, little man says, "And I want to ask God to bring my daddy home." WHOA! I was totally unprepared for that! S7 says, "S3, Dad's not coming home so don't ask for that. And, quit whining." So, I say, "S3, Dad loves you very much, and you will get to see him tomorrow after school." Then, S3 says, "I think my dad is missing us." I say, "Yes. He is...very much." And, S7 says, "He's not missing you, Mom." I smile and say, "Probably not." So, then S7 says, "Do you miss him, Mom?" And, I smile again and say, "Actually, I do miss having your dad live with us. But, we have had lots of fun without him too and we will continue to have lots of fun."
Then, S3 wants to call him. Since I don't know where H is, but I have a pretty good idea who he's with, I say, "Let's not call. Let's send him a text message instead." So, S3 types a message...that I interpret for H to say, "Daddy, I love you." And, then S7 sends him a message that says, "I love you, Dad. You are the best dad in the whole world." And, I'm thinking...not...the best dad wouldn't have left us! So, H does send TM's back to both boys saying he misses them, loves them, and that he "has the best 2 boys in the whole world."
And, now, I'm sad and mad again! How can this be the best thing for my children, and, how in the world can H be so blind that he honestly believes it is??????
Oh well! We've been through that before, I guess. God knows where my heart is and He knows where H's heart is too. And, if God sees fit one day, He'll send him back. But, I feel certain that God doesn't intend to do that right now. So, I'm going on with my life.
H did agree to sign the promissory note. And, since I have to be out of town on Tuesday morning, we have split appts. with the attorney. H will go on Monday. I'll go on Tuesday afternoon. Papers will be filed with the court on Wednesday, and we'll be all done in about 60 days! H is in a hurry all of a sudden. He must be getting some pressure. Maybe her D is final now or maybe she's pregnant...been thinking about that since mC's developments yesterday!!
Okay...I'm better now...thanks to Tawnya...she just told me that he must have been smarter before since he did choose to marry me! What a great friend she is!!! Love ya, Tawnya!!!
Hope everyone has a great weekend planned. I'm getting a manicure and pedicure. I'm helping throw a baby shower. I'm attending a new Sunday School class for single parents under the age of 45. AND, I'm shopping for green shoes and a new handbag!!!
Hugs and love to all!!!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
and I wouldn't have you be any other way b/c you would not be our Amy. 