Hi Corri I tried to post a relationship history yesterday and just as I was about to my computer froze up. Grr. Still I found writing it out surprisingly helpful so I will have another go later. Have to go to work at the mo.
Okay...if one used to be motivated in a big way to do everything...work, husband, kids, house, dog, sports...read...be a perfectionist about all of it, almost... then comes to the realization that in trying to do ALL of these things she is hurting her H way beyond measure, and putting herself, kids/home/way of life at huge risk... but then takes the steps to correct that...and then in the process quits her job, pays attention to hubby, enjoys hanging out with her kids... walks the dog at leisure... hangs out on a BB system with some really cool people she would love to meet some day... but can't get really motivated to do anything else... is that woman getting depressed?
Yes, Sooner, I am enjoying my kids being back in school, but I'm feeling lost. I thought maybe I was getting ready to start my period (Gawd, are we allowed to say THAT here?), but then realized I just got over that a few weeks ago...so it isn't that (I'm sure you are all gratified to know my cycle now)...
So have I rested up from being burned out and I'm looking for the next thing to come along? Is this what they call a mid-life crisis? I have two web jobs I have to whip out by Friday and I'm sitting here trying to get motivated to do them...and could give a rat's ass less. Supremely bad attitude. As Cathy would say on her other thread, WTF!?
Whew...don't know where this crash and burn came from... but man, oh man, am I feeling very blue.
Is this what happens when you overhaul your life? F*ck.
This is what we call bipolar disorder - rapid cycling.
If you are stop and go/up and down a lot emotionally, you might want to check it out, or some of the lesser forms of the chemical imbalance.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
How are ya? I appreciate the bipolar theory...could be you're right... but there's no family history to it, and this certainly isn't the norm for me... doesn't mean it can't strike at any moment, but I think I'll wait to see if it becomes reocurring before taking any next steps on it.
I'm sure I'll be okay... I'll have to haul my ass out of bed tomorrow and get some serious work done... maybe that's all it is, this sh!t hanging over my head that I don't really want to have to do... and having absolutely no motivation whatsoever to get it done.
A major shift in the thinking and attitude is probably, no, most definately in order. I just need a new direction for myself and have no earthly clue what that might be...
Corri, sounds like you have made some major lifestyle changes recently and that can put even the most emotionally stable person over the edge. Give it some time...at least a couple of weeks and then if the lethargy and lack of motivation doesn't lift get some treatment.
There is a website called 4therapy.com that has a self assessment test you can take. It might help put your mind to rest about the feelings you are having...or lack of feelings I could say.
Another thing, you have made some excellent new friends here on the board. People with open hearts and pure spirits who need comforting and help. As wonderful as it is, the subject matter a very depressing at times. You give out such astute advice but be careful to not get too caught up in the problems of other people. It's great to come and get advice and offer help to others but it can have a negative cost. If are a very emotionally responsible person. You seem to want to help....beyond help actually, you seem to become genuinely a part of finding solutions for others. It gives a sense of being needed and that is wonderful. Just remember to stay objective about it.
Hopefully you will soon have rainbows overhead instead of dark clouds. Feel better Cathy~
Well hell, I went and took the test. It says I'm in "much more pain than I need to be." No [censored] Sherlock and have been for nearly 5 years!! I felt perfectly fine until you mentioned depression Corri and now look, I'm a mess. By-polar sounds like a much more interesting condition. Wonder if I can find a test online for that? For right now I think I'll put on a happy face, make myself a fuzzy navel and bag the bod. I'll worry about my "feelings" tomorrow. Cathy
I thought I'd respond to you here since Sooner's thread is getting to the end of his line.
Quote: Here is a thought for ya, though: I'm sure your husband thinks that YOU are not being very understanding. Meaning, sometimes it is a situation of "I'm withholding cause he's being mean" vs. "I'm being mean cause she's withholding."
There is probably a lot to this statement. We get caught in this cyclone, too. However, if I admit it out loud, I can no longer be a pious bitch, and how fun is that?
No, seriously, I think you probably hit the nail right smack dab on the head.
Quote: So whaddya think? Is it possible that you are both reacting negatively to the other and both thinking that the other has originated the negativity? Is there any way to just say, Ya know what...forget it. Let's start fresh.
This is exactly what we need to do. And of course, as things go, this morning I started my period. (sigh) I know, I know, I can do some things for him.... again.
Quote: One more thing: What does he say when you point out that you have stepped up to the plate re: the sex and he has yet to do the same re: more affection and quality time with you?
He gets very, very defensive. His idea of taking me out on a date is... hey honey, let's go do something this weekend... and then it's my job to get a sitter, arrange the what we'll do, where we'll do it and when we'll do it. He shows up, pays for our meal... and he puts it down as his date.
That doesn't really register as him taking me out on a date in my book. I don't really hold it against him, but it doesn't count as effort on his part, at least for me. It just makes me very, very sad. He used to do all sorts of neat things... now, he's busy.
But at any rate, thank you for the kick in the pants. I needed it.
Now wait just a minute, I wanted to be the pious b*tch, no fair!
Seriously, I know just how you feel about the date thing. My husband is the same way; he used to be so much better but since we have embarked on this fun journey to fix our broken sex life, the romance has gone out the winder. I say, don't let him get off the hook too easily re: the dates and romance or you will start to get resentful. If your R consists solely of YOU making the effort, it won't be long before you are no longer in the mood to much.
I understand that he is busy with his job, but I'd hazard a guess here and say that you were prolly busy with your job when you decided to step up to the plate with regards to your sex life. We all have to do things that we really don't have time for and he is not exempt from that! Give him a gentle reminder and I hope that you two get back on track soon.
Honey
P.S. I just remembered one thing from my own situation. When we first started getting our mojo back, I was very paranoid that H was not "serious" and it wasn't going to last. I had no trust in him and his words of wanting to make it better. So, consequently, everytime there was the smallest lapse in activity I would say to myself "Aha! I knew it! He was just trying to temporarily get me off his back!!" It was a very destructive way to act and think and yet I could not stop myself from doing it. He quite simply had to "prove" it to me that he was serious about this and that it was a lasting change. I know that's going to rankle you, but I am being honest here so that you can get a glimpse on what's going on inside his thick skull. These types of thoughts are killers to the everyday "nice" situations in married life. Ok, that's enough for now.
