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OM single/in R/married?

Believe single.

Her best friend lived out there for about a year. Wife visited there about three times. Her friends marraige is once of convience (he is bipolar and has never worked, she supports him kind of like a mother..odd)

So the first trip my wife came home and told me about meeting this guy. Said he was 50 years old, I think a lawyer and would be great for her friend. She said that a couple of times.

Somewhere along the way we went down and changed our phone plans to get unlimited txting so she could start texting her friend.

So in Sep she went out again to visit for a week. Then she came back and we went on a weekend trip in Oct. It was the day we got back from that trip that I heard "we need to talk". She said she wasn't happy, had gone on the weekend trip to see if there was anything left between us and decided she was done.

So for awhile it seemed like she was struggling with feelings but her texting went up triple. We ML a few times with her saying "can't believe we did that. I don't want to give you false hopes". Then one night we started to again and she stopped me. I felt like she thought she was cheating on someone by being with me.

So I asked if there was someone else or someone out in CO. She said no but it bothered me. So I snooped and saw her texts. There were two sets. One username was with her friends name and number (like XXXX12) and the other was friend name but different number.

The text were obviously from different people. SO the next day I accused her and told her I knew she was texting a guy. She asked if I had looked at her text and I said no but her answer comfirmed it.

later she said she he was a freind of the friend and that it started as a joke. Just someone to talk to. The texts that i read weren't real forward so maybe.

But then I busted her making reservations out there for four people in a hotel (2 rooms) and since I have found the guy was texting her everyday from Sep to Oct. So they were in come contact before she made her decision.

My overall belief is that it was an EA and she left me because of him. However it has been PA, I am pretty sure.

Back when I use to argue with her I asked what did she think was going to happen. Guys 50 years old and not married, You don't want to give up your daughter ...how do you think this is going to play out?

But like I say ... I think this guy met some needs that I was't plus I still think she is following a MLC script now.

Long answer for your question....:)

Yea, those words come back and slap us in the face. Each of us find ourselves looking back on things and wondering what we could have done different. I know there are many things that I could have done different but would it have really mattered?

I'm not a very religious person but someone once told me that God has your life planned out for you the day you are born. So I guess my stbx was not meant to be my soul mate. He was placed in my life to prepare me for my soul mate. I have learned what is needed to make a marriage work. I have learned a lot about myself. We learn from our mistakes. I will never consider my marriage a mistake, it was just not meant to be. I cherish every day I spent with my stbx.

I will have memories of the past 22 years I spent with my stbx. Some will be good and some not so good.

Kenn, no matter where your path leads you, you are a super guy. You are a super father. Most men would give up and just walk away. You have not done that. You are teaching your daughter to not give up on something she believes in. Fight for what you want.



This in itself is a step in the right direction. If you don't like yourself then no one else will either. I have learned when we don't like ourselves it projects from us. It chases people away. You are on the road to recovery.

Now, don't worry about the woulda, coulda, shoulda...it will haunt you for the rest of your life if you don't let it go.

T2SP,

I hope we all have friends that support us during these times. I was talking to one and discussing how I thought my wife had lost respect for me. - I reflect on what Puppy posted about the relationship between respect and love

She said that my wife was wrong and my response was what if I lost respect for myself first? Can I blame my wife then?

I may place too much responsibility on myself but I think maybe sometimes I do owe my wife something for shaking me up. My biggest problem with her is that she isn't giving us a second chance.

There may be a time that she regrets that and there may not?

I like what you say about memories. I will admit I struggle with whether just to pick up and move on (which I am sure I could do now ) or give it a little more time (which I have). As far as the memories go, I have a friend that is going through a bitter divorce and stated his 13 years was a big waste of his life. I asked him was he misrable the entire time and he said no. So then I asked if she had died instead of divorcing you would you look at those years as a complete waste of time or special memories? Those years were great and we can't let what happens today change that. I may need to shelve them to remove the hurt. I may not be able to reminisce about them at parties out of respect for my new partner. But they were special times and will be remembered that way. The memories I will forget are these last 5 months.

I agree with you on the memories.

Musing.....

The grass may be greener over there but if you don't pay any attention to the grass over here it will eventually wither up and go away....

Some of the things I like now....

Going to the gym and how I am starting to look,

How my daughter looks forward to coming to my house to stay with me,

Keeping a journal for my daughter about our times together. She asks me to read it to her at night when she falls asleep.

Reconnecting with old friends (thank you Facebook!!!!),

Realizing how many really good people there are out there that come to your support

So, for the last two days my wife has been dealing with an investment counselor. Long story short we had an investment for our daughter's college. When she decided to divorce me we seperated the investments. I advised her it was best because the other account was in my name. So she had auto drafts coming out. We'll she switched advisors but the drafts kept coming out. So she has lost a lot of money out of her accounts over the last two months. At first she called me just to complain and I listened. They wouldn't talk to about the account that was in my name. So i offered to go down and add her as a person of interest so they could disclose information to her.

I didn't offer to try and fix it because that drives her crazy. Now for two days she has been struggling with this guy. She called me tonight and had a melt down on the phone. Stess at work, stress over this lost money, stress over our daughter.

Wow! Didn't agree with everything but just tried to be there as a shoulder to lean on. Told her we would get the money back into her account somehow. She even said she was stessing over our relationship. That was odd.

Continuation of last post....

My wifes realtionship with daughter is starting to bother her but she can't relate it well.

My wife lost both her parents before she was 29. She lost her mom when she was 9 in a very trumatic way.

Now tonight we are talking about our daughter and our move to CO. She says I am worried about daughter and I agree. Daughter will be giving up all her friends. Then starts talking about how daughter doesn't love her as much as me. Then starts saying that she doesn't have any sympathy for daughter though because she had it worse as a kid.

That right there is when I have to use every bit of strength to keep my cool. Two things help - all the advice I have seen or been given on these boards (THANK YOU EVERYONE) and the fact that I know this isn't my wife, it's the stress and whatever at play.

Wow she is having a hard time. Wow!

So....

I just texted her a message saying "you're not a bad mom and I can give you a hundred reasons why... We just need to adjust to all these changes"

Her response..."U don't know how much in love with U I am"

Then... "sorry it's late, I'm tired"

I think that was meant as a response to earlier I invited her over for a glass of wine if she wanted to talk about how stressful the week was.

My response... I understand. I'm here if you need me. Miss more than your laugh. Good night.

Her last text... "Night"

So more confusion. I was so shocked I didn't really know how to respond. I just know she is stressed to the max.

T2SP,

You asked if I wanted to save my marriage Yes.. but I know we can't just pick up where we left off. I know i won't do that to her or my daughter, and I don't want that for me???

Wish I had a crystal ball and could see the future.. But as Jack said, "how bout wishing me up a pony while your at it"

Oh what a night????????????????????????????????????????

Well, at least she told you that she was in love with you. Good signs of a chance to reconcile. Thats great.

Don't we all wish we had a crystal ball to look into. I know I sure do. If I could see the future, it would sure make decisions easier. But then again, if we could see the future, we may not like what we see. So perhaps it is better not to see the future.

Food for thought,

Kevin