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Hey there. I've been a bit quiet these last couple of days so I can take stock of my sitch a wee bit. I'm feeling quite comfortable in my mind right now and have a bit of extra confidence due to knowing that I have a DB Coach who is going to be helping me. I've been keeping contact with my W to the absolute minimum and it seems to be working out fine. She messaged me yesterday about arrangements for me having Wee Man in April (I have a lot of overtime to do at work) and I basically ignored the message for the whole day and only replied to it last night. According to my DB Coach it's little things like that which will make a difference and put the message accross that I'm no longer pursuing her. Time will tell though.

Just looking at your last post here PM and you have a question at the end asking what to do when my S gets all quiet and shuts me out. By S do you mean son or spouse? If it's son you mean, I think he's too young to do anything like that so I assume it's spouse you were meaning. My W has been getting quiet and shutting me out most of the times I've been around her since the separation. That's why my DB Coach told me just to direct all my questions to Wee Man and not my W. In effect I'm shutting her out. It does feel completely counter-intuitive but apparently it's supposed to.

I need to phone to make my next appointment next week. I'm looking forward to it.

Kev

Hi Kev, you sound a lot better in the last couple of days. Is it because you feel a little more in control of the sitch? I hope you keep feeling good. There will be moments of sadness but hopefully they will go away quickly as time passes.

Yes, I meant your Wife, sorry for the confusion. I guess I can try directing all my questions to the kids. It does feel kind of rude to our spouses though but I guess if the DB coach says to give it a try, I can certainly do that. Thanks for the tip, I will try it tomorrow and see what kind of reaction I get.

I've had another down day today. I was fully expecting it though as I was out last night. I had a really good night and thoroughly enjoyed myself. The next day always makes me quite low though. Nothing a good sleep won't fix.

I have the day off work tomorrow so I'm looking forward to getting a lot done around the house. I must book another session with my DB coach too. I kept forgetting last week and when I did eventually remember, the office was shut. There's a few things I need to discuss though so I'll hopefully manage to get one soon.

I had a really strange experience with my W yesterday. She's gotten a phone fitted at her new house now and she phoned me on it after I sent her a text asking if I could see Wee Man for a bit. It was really strange how chatty she was. She was laughing and joking with me quite a lot. To be honest, it threw me a but. My DB coach had told me to be direct with my W and keep interaction to an absolute minimum but I think I failed that miserably. It was just so nice to hear her talk like that again that I completely forgot I was supposed to be short with her.

I found out this morning that I'm not going to get my W back. My sister had a girly party last night and they had a woman there reading palms. She told my sister that her younger sister in law was going to regret a big decision she made recently but we weren't going to get back together. Oh well, it was worth a try. Can't argue with palms eh?

I watched a good movie tonight with some friends. It was called Taken and had Liam Neeson in it. It was very violent but a great storyline. I'd recommend it.

Anyway, from one good story to another, I have a book to read so I'm going to sign off now and try and lose myself in words from someone elses imagination. Take care y'all and keep smiling.

Kev

Kevin,

Please don't put the future of your M in the hands of some psychic!! Are you KIDDING me?!?!

Stacy

Hi Stacy

Lol, sorry. Maybe I didn't make it obvious enough but I was only kidding. I have no intention of letting something as silly as that get in the way of my efforts to save my M. I have a terrible habit for sarcasm which sometimes gets me in to trouble. Sorry for the confusion.

Kev

Kevin,

Well, that's the trouble with the internet, when you can't see faces or hear voice inflections.

Glad to hear you're still playing with a full deck!

Stacy

Kev,

.

Watcha reading?

Hey there Saffie. I'm reading 'The Quest' by Wilbur Smith. I've not yet decided if it's among his best. These things normally get a lot more exciting towards the end though.

Well, I had my second session with my DB coach last night. I have to admit that I'm really finding it useful. Nothing she's telling me is a surprise really but for some reason she just makes it all seem clearer. She's of the opinion that the recent phone calls and messages I've been getting from my W are a sign that she may now be the one doing the pursuing. I hope that really is the case. I can't help but feel a little cautious that things seem to be moving a little to quickly. I know I shouldn't complain about that but I am a sceptic a lot of the time.

My DB coach says it's now time to up my game a bit. I've been keeping contact with my W to a minimum and speaking only where necessary but keeping it short of being rude. Now I'm still supposed to keep the conversation light but keep it a lot more positive. I should always be keeping my eye open for signs of progress from her though. If she asks me to stick around to have a chat or a coffee or something (which my DB coach thinks she is likely to do now???) I'm to politely refuse some of the times and accept every now and again. Keep her guessing so to speak.

One of the best things I got from my session last night was when my coach told me that even though flirting with my W was a definite no no in the current sitch, there's nothing to stop me flirting and having fun with Wee Man in front of her. That way she can still see me as a fun person without seeing me as a threat to her new found single life. That sounds a lot like what you were doing on Sunday with your kids and H PM. There you go, it has a DB coach seal of approval now. Keep up the good work!

That's me back to work today and it's going to be a busy week for me. I'm getting audited next week so have a lot to do to prepare. It'll be a good way for me to remain focused though.

I'm getting Wee Man tonight too so that's always something to look forward to. It's my turn to have him at the weekend too. To be honest, life isn't too bad right now. Keep smiling.

Kev

Hey Kev,

Thanks for the thumbsup on the scooter!

Now that I have several careers going and GAL, I do feel good about myself. I now look at my life and see that I CAN be happy without H. I can manage just fine without him. My perspective on things have changed from one year ago (last bomb). Really, I would love it if he came back and we worked on the M together. But if he doesn't I know that I can have a really nice and happy life without him. So I have two choices, good and good. Well, what's to be unhappy about then??


Recently, you haven't written much about your W. Is it because you have not had much contact? But how are you feeling about everything? Are you very busy and therefore not wasting braincells on every minute detail of your interactions? Or is it that you are keeping things closer to your chest for right now?

Thanks again for sharing your DB Coach sessions. It really solidifies what we are doing here and helps a lot. I know we try not to get our hopes up but DB Coach has a point. Keep your eyes open and just watch her reactions as you would a science experiment, i.e. without feelings about it either way. Make notes in a journal so you can track what works and what doesn't work. Maybe you will see a pattern emerging.

You are certainly sounding happier nowadays. Is this a genuine emotion or are you still feeling down a lot of the time? Please share.

Hey there PM.

It put a smile on my face seeing that you'd posted on my thread. I'm glad you're seeing your sitch so much better now. I know if the world was a perfect place he'd come back and try again but it's great to hear that you'd be happy even if he doesn't. Mind you, if the world was perfect, this website probably wouldn't exist and MWD would be out of work!

I never really noticed that I hadn't been writing much about my W recently. I suppose it is because I've not had much contact but also because I have nothing new to say. Until recently I just felt like I was coming here day after day repeating myself. I didn't want to start annoying people. In that sense I would have been holding things to my chest.

I still have my up days and down days but not always for any reasons that I can fathom. I've not had the best day today to be honest but there's no real reason for it. When I went to pick up Wee Man from my W's house last night things seemed fairly relaxed between us. She even asked me about my night out on Saturday. Before that wouldn't have meant much to me but after speaking to my DB coach on Monday I see that it may be pursuing a little bit. I still don't see it that way but that's what I was told. Anyhoo, I just told her that I had a really good night and never offered any more details. She never asked. I was only in the door a few seconds before I was throwing Wee Man around, acting like an idiot and having him in fits of giggles. That's what I need my W to see. Apart from that there's been very little progress. I guess that's why they call it baby steps. Now I just need a way to shut out the sceptic in me. I can't stay confident of progress long before the doubts start creeping in.

I'm glad that I'm coming across as happier nowadays PM. I think when I am up, I'm more up than I was a few weeks ago. My down times are still fairly common though. I think the reason for my down times may be changing though. I still want my W back but it's not only about her now. I'm just really feeling the lonliness rattling about in my big house by myself. When you get married you expect to have a friend as well as a W for the rest of your life but separation rips that away. I know that you'll all say that I should be out doing more and seeing people but that isn't always possible. My main bouts of lonliness come when Wee Man is staying and he's gone to bed. It's a long few hours before I go to my bed then. That's also when the mind starts to wander to subjects you'd rather not think about.

On the whole though, I definitely think I'm improving. I'm by no means out of the woods yet but things are starting to look up in some areas. DBing is still the hardest thing I've ever done but it gets easier with each passing day. I've been helping a newbie recently called 'markhaving probs'. His sitch sounds very similar to mine a few months ago. If you've got a minute PM, go check up on him. His thread is simply called 'WAW'.

I'll hopefully hear from you all soon.

Kev