Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again First Piecing Thread

Hey hope... Glad to see you here...:)

Im a lurker more these days. Sorry I haven't had a change to write on fb... Stuff going on here.

I'll write more later.

Glad to see things looking up for you.

Thanks TAL. I don't know if things are looking up or not. They're definitely more pleasant, but not near what I need.

I haven't been to W's office for a couple weeks. I'm almost afraid to go by there because if I see that stupid glass, I might blow. So I've been avoiding it.

This morning she was an IMing fool, but when I got back from lunch she was pretty distant. It's funny, she contridicts herself constantly. And I wish she would just come out and say what she's thinking.

Like the other night. I came home and asked if there were any plans for dinner and she said she ate a late lunch so she was just going to wing it a little later. I put a frozen pizza in the oven and 10 minutes later took it out and she told me to leave the oven on and put one in for herself. So if she wasn't hungry, why did she eat 20 minutes later. Why not just say, I feel like just winging it and leave out the story about eating late so she doesn't have to answer when she thinks I'm going to ask if she wants to go out?

Same thing today. Was just IM'ing her and asked how her day was and she said slow. I'm taking off to get S20 from school soon and I asked her if she wanted to cut out early and ride along and she said, I can't, I have stuff I have to get done. WTF? Why not just say I don't want to ride 5 hours round trip because it's boring?

Who knows? I just have to keep giving her the space and let her figure it out on her own. Just hope I'm still interested if/when she does.

Thanks for checking in.

hope,

Wanted to ask.. Is she always this fikle?? I mean pre-bomb?

TAL, She's always definitely been moody. I never paid much attention to it, but probably because I'm so hyper sensitive now, that it just affects me more.

Weekend was another one of those up and down times. Friday I got home with S20 and W was ok. Saturday she was great in the morning all the way up to some point in the evening and then her whole mood changed. W, S20 and I went out for dinner and at some point during dinner she changed. The rest of the night she was more distant. What ever.

Sunday I was in a mood so I just tried to stay away from her.

I'm finding that I'm experiencing a whole bunch of resentment and anger now. I've been reading the "tips for newcomers to piecing" that's stuck at the top of the board and it's definitely nice to read that others have gone/are going through the same emotions. It was just good to know that what I'm feeling is normal, cause the last week I've found myself resenting her more and more. Her apparent lack of caring what this has done to me. Her apparent rationalizations/justifications she seems to be hanging on to. Her lack of remorse.

I don't know, maybe she feels those things, but she sure doesn't show them to me. Maybe that's why she goes through these mood swings, but it's darn hard to take.

What scares me is lately I've been finding myself fantasizing about life without her. Over the weekend she did a few things and made some comments that both S20 and S16 picked up on and I keep wondering to myself if I'm doing them more harm than good by continuing to try to keep our marriage together. Am I teaching them that this is how marriage is supposed to be? Have I passed the point where I've taught them to fight for your marriage and now I'm teaching them it's ok to put up with this abuse? Cause that's what this is, is abuse. I fear that they'll be damaged beyond repair when it comes to what a healthy relationship is to them because of this example both their mother and I are setting. Her, it's ok to do what she's done and then treat me like chit and me, it's ok to accept this stuff while trying to save our marriage.

At what point do you say you've had enough and let it go and move on with your life?

Lots to ponder.

You are teaching your sons what unconditional love means, what marriage means.

Of course you don't put up with abuse. Any time you call her on stuff she immediately changes. She is not purposely trying to abuse you, from what I see. Ask her for more, if you want more....counseling, retrouvaille. If she says no, you tell her what you are not getting from her that you need and unless she feels she can do that all of the sudden, you feel you need help from counseling/retrouvaille to get there.

Only you can answer that but when you know in your heart you will be ready to go on to live a "normal" happy life.
Unless you are addicted to the abuse and have no self respect left.
You can certainly have no regrets if you walk away at this point. I think you have done all you couls and more!!
Wishing you well.

Ditto whatdidido... its true, you don't deserve the abuse, and you have been calling her on it.

But I would definately do what wdid said..

when's fla??

Thanks Naej. I appreciate the comments.

TAL, Fla is in about 6 weeks. Going to the UP of Mich with S16 and one of my brothers in a couple weeks. It'll be good to get away. I'm finding myself enjoying not being around her more and more. Like last night. I had a haircut I had to leave for not too long after I got home from work. I left early because I just wanted to get out of the house. After the haircut, I found myself driving the long way home just so I would stay out longer. When I got home, W had taken S20 to get his haircut (new place he didn't know how to get to) and it was a relief for her to be gone when I got home. And it was really nice being there by myself for the extra hour until they got home.

When I heard them pulling in the driveway, I could feel myself getting tense.

Not really anything W has been doing. She's been friendly enough. Somewhat engaging. I just continue to feel the resentment build and I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know if it's impatience with the situation or what. I think that may be part of it. A couple weeks ago I once again put it out there what I needed from her and once again I just don't see her "getting it".

I'll just keep plugging along until at least our Fla trip. If we connect on the trip like I suspect we will and then she changes again when she returns to work, I'll have some big decisions to make. But the way I've been feeling for the last couple weeks, those decisions are appearing to be easier and easier.

Talk to ya soon.

COunseling....If not for both of you, for you. You said you don't know how to get the resentment out of you......counseling could help you. Pro marriage counseling.

H4U, I can soooooooo relate to those thoughts and feelings!!!

Puppy