Whatdidido - ha, that is a laugh, about the looks thing because this new gal he is hanging out with is 23, firm, no wrinkles, good skin, works out like crazy, she is gorgeous. I am no slouch, but I can't compare in that department at almost 39. About her emotional stability, I don't know because I don't know her at all. I have heard comments that she is a little rough around the edges, but I don't think she is that way with my H, I think she is oozing sweetness. I don't even think she realizes the seriousness of what she is doing - hanging out with a married man who has a kid (I wouldn't have touched that with a 20 foot pole when I was 23), she is so young, still lives with mommy and daddy. Sometimes I think H maybe feels more like a big brother figure to her, rather than boyfriend material, but still, the relationship is inappropriate and bothers the hell out of me. If that is what he wants, someone who will look up to him and he can "guide" them, not an equal partner, I can't and won't compete.
And yes, they do try to do everything they can to justify. I think my H will do a good job of convincing himself that I am wrong for him now. And he will believe it. And if he believes it, then it will be truth in his eyes.
Newgal, we may have a different scenario but the same circumstances. I am 31, H is 35, OW is 23. I am stable in my career as my H is, OW is still young and search. But my H enjoys being her rescuer and that she has to turn to him for everything. She just got a job I hear but H is definitely the breadwinner there. With me, I made more $$. But you know what, I still feel like I can't compete with OW because of H's need to be needed. And he has said that numerous times to me, "you don't need me." I told him that I may not need him but I loved him, but he so want to be needed that's all he focuses on.
But you know what, I still feel like I can't compete with OW because of H's need to be needed. And he has said that numerous times to me, "you don't need me." I told him that I may not need him but I loved him, but he so want to be needed that's all he focuses on.
Right, I think a lot of the OP are just different than us. Not necessarily better, usually not, but just a change. And with really young OP like that, I think the chance of that R lasting is not good. And I'm thinking something that might appeal to your H like a needy OW may not be as attractive to him when the fantasy wears off a bit.
I don't think we necessarily need to or should compete with the OP. I have worked on some problems I had, my lack of self confidence and my neediness, and have worked to make myself the best me I can. And in my case, I have the opposite, I was very dependent and OW is very independent and career-oriented, and I do feel like if my H wants someone like that and I'm more focused on family. I mean I think if they ultimately decide OP is best for them, then we need to find someone that will appreciate us for who we are. Karen
It sounds like you're not valuing yourself as much as you ought to. Yes, the OW is younger, healthier, whatever, but you must have a lot more maturity, wisdom, inner-beauty, and strenght than she could ever offer. Your husband will definitely have mood swings as long as there's contact with the OW. You really can't help that. I think you just need to improve yourself and not worry about competing with OW. She'll probably find someone younger and more physically attractive than your H and move on anyhow. Also, if your H comes back, don't consider yourself the 2nd choice, consider it him coming to his senses, b/c I don't think anyone would return to a spouse they left unless they really wanted them back.
She'll probably find someone younger and more physically attractive than your H and move on anyhow.
WP
WP, so true. Newgal, I think your H needs to worry and be insecure right now. Not you. He has to compete with other younger guys. More likely than not, OW will move on from him. Yes, sometimes the younger women stay with the older guy, but this is the exception not the rule. Most times, the older guy is left alone and the young chick has moved on. Think of this image at times and hopefully it makes you chuckle.
Guys, you give great advice. I will admit, getting older has always been a big issue for me. I used to joke with H about him tossing me out for a younger model. I've let my insecurities about aging really influence how I look at this situation, like I'm defective somehow (PATHETIC I know--still thinking like a young girl rather than a mature woman). I know H has had trouble dealing with my health problems (really got slammed with them these past couple of years). Funny, he's had some health problems too. Me personally, I have no desire to be with someone so much younger because I feel like they couldn't understand the struggles that sometimes come with approaching middle age. But for H, and some others, in general, I think it is such an ego boost, that being looked up to and needed. That is what they crave and want out of a relationship. It is twisted and not healthy and not something I can give him. I do think though that for men, aging is more accepted by younger women and if the man gives the right attention and security, the younger girl will stay. And I know my H is laying the charm on thick with her. Young men can be immature and not ready to settle down at quite the same time. This girl, I know is having trouble finding the right man, so there you go.
But I do need to let it go and look at it as his loss, there is someone out there who will love me the way I am and for what I give. Just wish I could figure out how.
Stop trying to figure it out just let it go. The harder we try to solve things, hold onto them, control them, the more we fail at it. Give it to God. He is capable of taking care of your troubles. Just trust and obey Him.
Reading your post a thought came to me. You need to do a makeover, not an extreme makeover. I think you need to change your hair, wardrope, something. And it should be noticeable. A total 180 in your physical appearance. I think sometimes we get so down on ourselves and put ourselves down that our partners start to buy into it. They hear us saying these things about ourselves and although they don't say anything, it registers in their brain. That is regarding your comment that H will trade you in... it registered in his brain. In my case, I was always referring to OW as H's family and although I didn't mean it totally, it did register for him. He told me he feels like he has a family. So I think your H needs to see a different look in you without you saying anything to him. They by-product of what you will get from this is that you will feel HOT and you can't beat that. It will so life you selfesteem. You are only 39 - that is damn young. You;re in the same age group with Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry, and Catherine Zeta Jones. Not to compare you to them, but trust me, YOU ARE YOUNG TOO and way more mature than OW. Look good and feel good. Hope this advice helps and if you feel hesitate about making a change, just do it, act single like you're looking for a new H while still looking for your old H. Good luck.
More likely than not, OW will move on from him. Yes, sometimes the younger women stay with the older guy, but this is the exception not the rule. Most times, the older guy is left alone and the young chick has moved on. Think of this image at times and hopefully it makes you chuckle.