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Whats up Jimbo?

You get another call?

So I got a voicemail from my W yesterday while I was out at a very late lunch (dinner) that she called our taxman, and he said that I needed to speak with her, so give her a call, and that she'll be there until 5:30. I didn't get the message until after that time, so I didn't call her back. I called the taxman, and he did confirm that W had talked to him and that there were certain things I needed to discuss with her about whether we were filing separately or jointly. I got an email from her this morning repeating her voicemail from yesterday and asking me if my phone number at work had changed. Since I had just come out of the dark and I had been extremely busy as of late, I decided to call her back this morning to reinforce the fact that, yes, I am taking calls and emails from her.

I called her back and apologized for not getting back to her sooner and explained why. She said that she was more concerned with getting the taxes in on time and that the taxman told her that I wanted her to call me and asked me why. When I exclaimed surprise at this, she proceeded to ask me whether I told him that. I tried to tell her that that doesn't matter right now and discussed the matter at hand. When I was done, she told me that she knew all of that from talking to the taxman and she again focused on asking whether I had said to the taxman that I wanted her to call me. I was caught off guard by her question, not knowing why she was asking and afraid that the answer was going to be twisted around by my W. If I told her no, she'd think that I was calling her a liar, or didn't want to talk to her. If I said yes, I'd be lying. I told her that no, I didn't ask him to tell her that, and then followed up with "Don't get me wrong- it's very nice to talk to you, but I didn't say that". As we discussed the tax business at hand, she proceeded to get more distant as she calmly told me that she'd mail me the necessary forms. I tried to lighten things up by asking how she was. She gave straight, concise answers and reiterated her statement about mailing the forms. She didn't want any small talk- she wanted to get it over with and get off the phone, which she did very promptly after I said goodbye.

Did she want me to pursue her? Did I miss a nuance she was sending? Or was she just pissed at the fact that she misunderstood, and had an unnecessary interaction with me? Or was she trying to ruin her good impression of me from last week by making me the "bad guy" in a situation of her own design?

I didn't know, but decided to cover my tracks. I called her back and got her voicemail. Interesting- she picked up a minute or so ago...

I left a message saying that I forgot to confirm with her that, per her email, my work phone number did not change and I asked her why she thought it had. I then took the opportunity to say to her that I was going to be in her neck of the woods on Thursday, so if she wanted to save the cost of a stamp that I could collect the forms from her then, and to let me know what she wanted to do, and I then hung up.

Why would it even matter who needed who to call who in the first place?

MLC.

That's why.

You did good by being truthful. Your correct MLC that's why. Who knows why it is so important.

Sounds like a pull back from the positive experience the other day.

I think you're right, but it still hurts. I gotta remember what I'm dealing with- not who.

Remember, She enjoyed the other night. She even admitted it. So why is she running? Wait.... it's still gotta be the R. There can't be anything going on with her. Can't have that.

Panic mode set in. I'm sure she had such a good time with you last week that she is now confused. Love him, leave him, love him, leave him...is probably going thru her head.

Could be guilt also. She may feel guilty about what she has put you through. I'm sure she is just trying to adjust to the fact that she had a good time with you. She was probably hoping for a bad time so she could justify her leaving you. Now that you got along, she doesn't know what the next step is.



No contact is easier now that she knows she can enjoy time with you.



Again, she is trying to cope with all that went on last week. Give her time to process things.

EXACTLY!!

Very well put Jimbo. I have this problem too. It is so damn easy to forget and take things personal.

Jim,

You had a great time on Weds, you did amazing, good interaction...and here's the trap that snagged you.

That was yesterday. It is in the past. In a normal relationship that sets the tone for today.

In an MLC relationship do you know what sets the tone? Cause f-me if I ever did. The moon? Talking birds? radio stations in her filings? Actually glad I have no idea.

You have good MLC day, and that is yesterday.
Tomorrow? Who knows?

On the plus side...

You have a bad MLC day with her, her fault and not yours...that is yesterday too.

Today isn't the day; and what can you burn today to get to tomorrow?

Not sure I'm tracking w/ you on this- please explain?

You have said you had no contact with her for awhile so she got used to that. Out of sight, out of mind. It is easier for some people to not deal with their problems unless they are right in front of them.

When you and your W met up last week she may have come that day thinking she was going to have a 10 - 30 minute conversation with you about taxes. What she wasn't expecting is a wonderful time with you. It threw her for a loop. Now she doesn't know how to handle it so instead of dealing with it, she is going to hide again.

She will try to push you away again. As I said, panic mode set in and she doesn't know what to do. Her defense mechinism says to stay away and not deal with it. No physical contact. She can put the stuff in the mail and not have to worry about seeing you. Seeing you and knowing the enjoyment of that night may have dug down deep within her and stung. Now she doesn't know what to do or how to handle the emotions she felt that night.

My stbx was the same way. We would spend a few hours together or have a nice lengthy phone conversation and I would think things were beginning to look up but then BAM, all of a sudden he went back in his shell. He would get scared. Their tendency is to hide from everything.

You know a person going thru MLC lives is in their own little world. When someone invades it, it sets off lots of little alarms. It causes them to back pedal and run for cover.

Sometimes I wonder if the guilt eats at them so much that when they do have a good time they punish themselves. Maybe they feel no contact is punishing them somehow. They don't see clear enough to realize it hurts us in the process.

It is like a horse with blinders on. They see what is straight ahead of them but can't see out of the corner of their eyes. When they get a glimpse of something to the side, they get spooked and run. She is running from the good time she had. She was not prepared for it.