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Peace,
I checked in with the mortgage co. about refinancing and lowering payments, etc. They could not lower it enough for me to be able to keep the house and pay the higher utilities, etc. on my salary. I want to make sure that I am living only within MY means, and not depend on the child support for us to survive. My H started hopping from job to job in the last couple of years and acting financially unstable, so it gives me peace of mind to know that I can live on MY salary, and what he pays just helps us be more comfortable and maintains my kids life style.

Those of you that have tried to come to agreements about custody and such, I have a question for you. I know you Peace, and a couple of others have been there done that.

I want to put in the rules about
1. Not having overnight guests when the kids are present (OW, or it would also apply to me if I were to ever (ha,ha) want to have a "guest" while the kids are here)
2. First Right of Refusal- so that if H has to work (he works crazy hours weekends, nights, etc.) that he cannot just dump my kids with someone (OW or someone else). He would have to ask me if I wanted to keep them before he left them with someone and went to work.

Do you think in this insane state he's in that he will object to those rules? I can't see any reason why, but I'm thinking like a "normal" parent. If he refuses those clauses, we will fight because I'm not going to have my kids left with OW (who I assume is reallllly young like, 20 or 21). I hope he is agreeable.

so
Hi
Is this agreement a legal document
D or legal seperation

when my situation first began, I got concerned H would try to take kids for overnights and meet ow9If there was one ,,at that time I wasnt sure now I am)
in my state, my L told me H, could not have sleepovers with ow while he was still M
also H would need a 3 bedroom to house our 2 kids son and
Daughter
right now he lives in 1 bedrrom apt
bvut H never took then to his house instead he lied to all 3 of us about where he lived and pretended to not have a live in OW

In my D Agreement, just signed
H agreed to take the kids only 1 nighht every every weekend on my request
alos implemented in document:
1. kids cant meet OW for 9 months (from signing)
2. no sleepovers for 15 months
then only 2x a month
3. H needs to be present on all visits
(so my H cant leave our kids with some stranger or his OW)

best thing is to seek a L
write down all questions
peace

Well, we had the talk tonight about the visitation, etc. We are in agreement about almost everything, so that's good. As long as it stays like this everything should go smoothly. I'm just going to try to keep a positive attitude and keep telling myself that I can do this.

BTW- He did not object to the no overnight guests, or the First Right of Refusal. We agreed that grandparents are acceptable babysitters, but any others would have to be okayed by both parents. That is how it has always been. My kids have never been left with sitters other than grandparents.

Neither one of us has $3000 to throw down for a lawyer right now, so it will be great if we can stay in agreement about things.

so
OK good job
trythfully, i think our H will cooperate for the most part( depending on them) it helps if we can keep a friendly cordial atmosmphere espesially in the beginning
this helped my situation b/c H came regulary 4x a week and visited--we became friends and I practiced being accepting of him
peace

Yeah, I really try to think before I speak. I had to sensor in my head what I really wanted to say! It will help to stay friendly. My H works a crazy number of hours a week. I wish he could come 4x a week. The kids would love that. I stopped in on your thread.
M

Oh, I meant to tell the wierd part. H is so all over the place. We decided to eat when he got to my place, so I went in the bathroom to get ready. He went in my kitchen and started doing dishes. I then walked out when I was ready and thanked him for doing dishes. He leaned down like he was going to kiss me, then quickly stood back up and said sorry in an awkward way.

This is so nuts! If he still loves me, why won't he work to win me back? He even still says ILY sometimes. Is he bipolar? LOL I'm thinking this is so crazy. Why are we doing this? Yet, he won't do the work it takes to fix the R. I don't think the OW is really a factor. The one time I brought it up he said he hasn't even slept with her. Not that I believe that, but I don't think she is important to him.

Your H is confused
Is he willing to go to Therapy?

a lot of them wont admit anything about ow
mine lied for 2 years..not sure why
I believe they are usually in some kind of crises or somehow attached to OW
keep taking xare of yourself ,and for now lay the foundation for a friendship
peace

Because he is in his own little world, which is a very confusing and distorted on. You are expecting too much from him right now.




Many of them do resemble someone who is bipolar. He can't hardly deal with himself right now. You can't expect too much in the way of R work. That's what he is running away from right?





Don't bring her up anymore, you will just push him further away. The OW is like a drug, escape or band aid if you will. He is using her so he doesn't have to deal with his issues.

Read the mlc resources to give you a better unerstanding of what is going on.

I don't bring her up. The ONLY time I brought her up was when my d3 told me they had been with her and I confronted him about it. I have not asked any details, questions, or brought it up since then. I do not want to give her, or him that power.

I'm not expecting him to work on anything right now. That's not going to happen. That is why I'm going to protect myself and my children legally. I'm not one of those that is willing to ignore and let him disrespect me for years. I am still young and have time to find someone (later on) that won't treat me that way. I wouldn't want him now if he came crawling back to me on a silver platter. No trust= no relationship. I'm just in awe of how crazy this whole thing is.