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hm what does your L say about all this?

I have a call in to him.

Gosh, Hmama! ((((((HM)))))) I wish I could help you and your daughter, but all we have here are words ... and they don't feed you or warm you when it's cold. Is it possible to move to a state where the divorce laws are more favourable? Or, is that even possible?

I'm usually quite a charitable person, but I hope your husband ends up knowing exactly how you feel and worse, and loses everything he has gained since leaving you, while you prosper beyond your wildest dreams (forgive me, Heavenly Father), but it seems that's what someone like your H needs, Hmama.

Here is a warning to young women to never pay for your boyfriend's or husband's education. Put your money aside for yourself. My MIL also helped put her H through medical school, and he cheated on her, left her destitute ... ugh, the story is a long one and a painful one. But, she did survive and thrive eventually.

Hoosier, as you are still married surely H has to be responsible for some of the bills.
Why did he not buy the glasses it's his daughter???? I just don't get it.
I get v confused with US laws and how they vary state to state but this is ridiculous.
Does he know his d is cold and needs things.
Can she not get free medical things ie glasses?,free dinners etc or maybe you don't have these things.
I would be so tempted to place a billboard outside my house stating that because my h left me for OW, my d and I are now cold and hungry and in dire straits!!! WITH HIS NAME prominately displayed and his profession.
I wish I could do something r had a better idea.
I hope you get through to your lawyer soon.

I'm very afraid that if H finds out my gas was cut off that I'll lose custody. And that would be worse than freezing to death. She has been with him on really cold nights.

Re: glasses--the custodial parent has to pay the first $xx of medical expenses. So he's not paying for them because he doesn't have to. He is covering insurance, however.

I don't qualify for any assistance, partly because I'm still married technically, but also partly because I make just barely over the limit. There's not really a safety net for this kind of circumstance.

Moving to another state, for one thing, would require his permission. And it will still need to continue here, since it was filed here.

Sorry--perfect storm of non-helpful factors.

Bloody hell, this sucks!!!! (Sorry again, Heavenly Father.) Shouldn't being officially separated count for anything? It's as good as divorced. WTF is wrong with your so-called H --- he is not worthy of that title or that of father. I hope OW screws him over something awful. (Oh, Lord, I shouldn't hope for pain to be inflicted on another, but perhaps it will be a learning experience for your H.)

Just do the best you can, Hmama! Perhaps filing for bankrupcy could be an option? Just throwing it out there.

Hoozh, I said it before, and I'll say it again:

Your atty should be able to file for temporary alimony and child support, until such time as you can finalize any D agreement, be it thru mediation or anything else.

As part of this motion, he should move that your husband has to pay all legal fees associated with the order.

Based upon your needs, your daughter's needs, and each of your incomes -- plus your husband's infidelity -- this should be a no-brainer. I know you like (and trust) your attorney, but I fail to see where he has served you well thru all of this, I really don't.

Your situation meets ALL of the criteria for immediate and temporary support!

Puppy

I'm with Pup. The judge probably won't award on the infidelity, but will award imemdiate temporary support.


The judge will not likely weigh the gas being shut off as more important than him not being that available for your D. YOu are ALWAYS available for her.

Something isn't right with the medical bills summons. I would imagine you are judgment proof--use the money for the gas. And if you aren't, you're a good candidate for bankruptcy.

Hi, Pup--

I'm getting temporary child support. And some kind of spousal support since H pays almost all of the consumer debt, as well as tuition and D's health insurance (more on that later). It just isn't enough, and I started out way behind because he gave me nothing in October and sporadic amounts prior to that--kinda whatever he felt like giving. And I have definitely included in the temporary agreement (filed a month or 2 ago) that H pay my legal fees. He's still balking, but he's in a hurry so he's going along with it.

As for bankruptcy--I don't think it would help. H has the consumer debt. Mortgages aren't covered in that, and I'm working on a forebearance that should go through, especially with some of the mortgage relief being worked out. I don't know if bankruptcy would affect the medical bill--probably not. And the only other thing would be my car, but I don't think that would be a good idea. Everything else is just utilities and things like that which keep recurring.

And in the "just when you think it can't get any worse" category...Took D13 for her long-awaited trip to the optometrist this afternoon. Had enough to cover copays and eyeglass frames. However, found out when we got there that H didn't get vision coverage for her. He's saving a whopping $6/month there. Medical insurance MAY cover an exam, but they're still trying to figure that out. It won't cover glasses. And I don't have enough to pay for them out of pocket. She didn't get her exam. And was sobbing in the parking lot. Me too. If I had known he wasn't going to cover her I would have. But that would have involved communicating with me, and he'd prefer to believe I don't exist.

I can't remember when I've felt this bad. D13 was so excited about finally getting glasses so she can read the blackboard; it was absolutely heartbreaking to watch her cry and know there was nothing I could do to help. I grew up somewhat poor, but we never lost our heat, we always had enough food, and when I needed glasses I got them. My mom didn't even graduate from HS--and I've been a professional for over 30 years, and I can't give my daughter the things she needs. I'm sure she'll never forget walking out of that office without the exam she'd been waiting so long to get; I know I never will. One of those defining moments of my life.